Curious about displays of affection and metamours.

P

PixieKitten

New member
Hello lovely people. Curious about how the presence of your lover's love affects your displays of affection towards your love. For example, if you're in the same room, does the presence of a metamour mean you don't touch your love as much, do you feel a little self conscious about displays of affection, do you feel concerned for the metamour's feelings about seeing you and your lover physically close.... that sort of thing.

:)
 
I think it just depends on who it is, im comfortable doing and seeing but some of the people nate has dated was uncomfortable even being around me. Nate and sam don't really hang around each other. Sam only comes here when nate is gone
 
I am less affectionate in front of anyone, metamour or not.
I tend to be more comfortable if the person who is witnessing is or has been my lover.
 
While I don't have an isue with it and I know my husband has no problem seeing me with my boyfriend I think my boyfriend has at least a slight hang up about my husband seeing him (boyfriend) touching me. He seems to slowly be getting through that, but I'm only lightly nudging him (ex. I will snuggle up to Boyfriend even if hubby is in the room, and this doesn't bother him (that I can tell) and he relaxes and snuggles back) to show him that it's ok for him to touch openly. (He isn't as much of a talker as Hubby or I.)
But this thread is reminding me that next time I should bring it up and talk with him about it.
 
Everyone is different...

I feel that anything that is past a "family-friendly" level (light kissing, arms around the person, hand-holding - stuff you'd do in front of your mother) is something that I would consider intimate between me and my partner and therefore, I don't really want to be present when other people are doing these things. Doesn't matter if it's Chops and Xena, or other friends of mine. I get uncomfortable with it, like I'm viewing something I shouldn't be (and don't want to be), and just want to give them space. Hence, I'm not big on any PDAs of my own that aren't "family-friendly" either.

However, there's another facet of this which is feeling like a third wheel, and that's a bit of a different animal. Regardless of what level of affection everyone's comfortable with, if someone feels like they may as well be invisible around you, it's not a good feeling. The two can be related, but they don't have to be.

I try to make sure I'm not alienating anyone - when I'm with Chops and any of my metamours, I curb the affection a bit, for the reasons above. When I end up feeling like I want to leave the room because they've gone "all gooshy" for each other, or are playing a game of grab-ass, I tend to get a little out of joint.
 
I show affection to both of my guys, and they both will do the same. I do believe they tone it down in front of one another - but they do the same in front of others too. I sometimes get slightly paranoid when I am out with both of them, that they are not receiving equal attention, but they've said I do a good job. They like to tease me terribly, actually, the jerkfaces. :)
 
My metamour refuses to participate in his and my side of things, so I rarely have this issue. It's too bad, I would have no issue with it, myself. When I am around him and her, for whatever reason, she is extremely uncomfortable with PDA. But that was mostly a moot point, because he hated it, with anyone, up till recently (I've been helping him to overcome this, at his request).
 
PixieKitten said:
Hello lovely people. Curious about how the presence of your lover's love affects your displays of affection towards your love. For example, if you're in the same room, does the presence of a metamour mean you don't touch your love as much, do you feel a little self conscious about displays of affection, do you feel concerned for the metamour's feelings about seeing you and your lover physically close.... that sort of thing.
:)
Click to expand...

Interesting question. My particular situation evolved over time where it became LESS comfortable to have the shows of affection present.

I'm in a quad that started with 2 swinging couples. As the romantic intensity ratcheted up to full on being in-love with our swapped partners and reciprocated a LOT of complex emotions dribbled into the mix.

As such we began having attempts at group sex and being free to be "swappy" anywhere and everywhere. NOW it's to the point where we feel it's best to act PG13 unless we are in the privacy of our own rooms.

I have no problem showing my wife or girlfriend affection...just keeping it at a PG13 level so as not to stir up any landmine issues. I personally would have no problem doing what I FEEL everyone is comfortable with, but as an advocate for comfort over arousal I choose for the least comfortable person and hold there.:D:D:D
 
I do back off when the three of us are together. Since I am the primary, I try to give her the opportunity to sit next to him on the couch, in the car or at a restaurant. I do not mind if they hold hands or share a quick kiss, as long as my daughter is not exposed to it. I've recently been struggling with boundaries, but I much prefer things like this to be out in the open rather than done behind my back in a sneaking way. We have also cuddled together (he had a girl on each side, I did not cuddle with meta) both at home and in a movie theater with couch seats. That was really my first time displaying poly in public and I was a bit uncomfortable but would try it again.
 
We cuddle as a group on the couch when watching a movie, or hold hands as a 3 in public. Me in the middle, with a guy on each side. I LOVE that - it makes me feel really cared for and boosted.
 
Good question!

For me, it depends.

I go easy on the PDA in front of metamours, and if I'm with multiple partners of my own.

If a partner of mine has an existing partner (especially long term, or married), I find watching their PDA very sweet / no problem.

If a partner of mine is dating someone new, I don't like to see PDA. It could be because I've had less time to get used to it, or more likely because I find heavy NRE uncomfortable to watch.

Interestingly, I don't like "V PDA" at all. Say, for instance, we're sitting in a row: myself, GF, her other partner. If GF starts touching us both at the same time, kissing one then the other, etc., I don't like this at all. It makes me feel like her prison bitch. I'd actually rather not be touched than be touched at the same time as someone else. Also, if I was with my GF and one of my other partners, I'd feel like I was somehow saying to the world "check me out with my two girlfriends". I don't like that.
 
Me, MrS and Dude all live together...for the first 6 months or so I, as the hinge, was very hyper-aware of making sure that everything was "even". As we all got more comfortable with the "new normal" that fades away and when we are all home with "just us chickens" (the three of us and any other partners/close friends) then we just act ourselves and don't worry about it anymore.

In public locally or with family - PDAs are minimal and only with my "official partner" (i.e. husband). I love it when we travel though, I can be just as natural with my boys as I want to. Yes, we get looks...oh, darn:rolleyes: Love walking hand in hand with both of them when we are out - I feel protected and buffered from the world of strangers.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top