Dealing with a Triad Breakup

T

Triadlove177

New member
Hey Everyone,

I made a post here fairly recently with regards to a pretty tough situation that one of our partners, Sue, in a closed triad put us in. Turns out there seems to be a lot of dishonesty and repressed anger from Sue that is coming to light and the whole situation seems unhealthy. While we have a few sessions set up to do therapy, I feel like Mary and I need to prepare for the worse.

Just for some additional information. Mary and I have been married for 8 years, but Sue has really been the center of the triad since we've started dating 2 years ago. She had the most needs, request, rules, and boundaries while Mary and I are pretty laid back and didn't really have anything to add to any of the things Sue wanted relationship wise. We both had that NRE with her. So it feels a lot like we're losing the primary partner I think. None of us have done polyamory in the past and we all live together.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Mary and I will go back to couples therapy to help, but just wanted some feedback from the community on how things went for them during their breakups.
 
Hi Triadlove,

I'm sorry to hear about your simmering triad breakup. I have been following your story, and I actually think a breakup would be for the best. That is not to say it wouldn't be extremely painful, and against all hope I'll cross my fingers that you'll be able to salvage something in therapy. I know your feelings for Sue are very strong.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
I also think parting ways would be for the best. I responded in your other thread.

While this is happening in a poly context, the breaking-up part is pretty much like any other break-up would be. You will go through all the stages of grief emotionally. It's good that you have some counseling appointments already lined up for you and Mary.

Since Sue's not being honest, I don't know of she would still be willing to go to therapy and talk about becoming more honest, or talk about peacefully parting. But even if she doesn't, you and Mary could use the appointments yourselves to process all that happened here.

It sounds like Sue was not truthful and played a lot of mind games with you that have you all confused and upset.

On practical terms, you ask Vic to move out as planned, at the beginning of the year. Sue does not move in. Nothing really changes on that front.

Galagirl
 
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