Triadlove177
New member
I'm currently in a three-person relationship. I (34m) and my partner M (33f) have been married 8 years, together 15 years. We started dating a third, partner S (31f), about 2 years ago.
M and I have had a lot of extramarital sexual experiences during our 15 years together. This is our first time actually dating another person together. Partner S requested that we keep the relationship closed, that we be serious about having a commitment ceremony, and living alone together (we currently have a roommate who was my best friend, until these recent events), buying a forever home together. I think we have been actively working towards these requests and had been talking to my friend (we'll call him V) about moving out at the beginning of next year. One other piece of important background information: about a year ago, S and V had a huge falling-out, because he was using her for emotional support and wouldn't respect her boundaries when she wasn't emotionally available for him to vent to.
About two months ago, while I was on a month-long work trip, she decided to try and make up with him to make things easier for me. They became attached at the hip while I was gone and he confessed to her that he loved her. She said she realized she had feelings for him and stopped the conversation, saying she needed to talk to M and me.
S told each of us separately that she and V realized they had romantic feelings for each other and asked us how we would feel if they pursued that. She clarified some things through discussions. She still wants S, M, and me to be together. She wants the relationship to stay closed, except that she gets to date V. V might still move out, but she didn't seem confident about that anymore. She thinks it would be valuable for V to move with us to another state. She wants M and me to not directly talk to V about anything related to the relationship. Her words were that there would be a wall between V and us. We'd talk to her and she'd talk to V.
M and I told S we did not want this for our relationship. S has shut down emotionally and left to see family for a couple of weeks. S stating this made her realize that she actually has a lot of problems with our relationship. M and I have separately contacted V about talking this out, since we're friends. He told me that he has a lot to process and demanded I never stay up late with S, ever again. (S and I had a few conversations that went until 4am about her question.) V hasn't talked to me or M since. S also canceled all of our future plans, including our anniversary. She stated: why plan for it if we might not want to stay together?
Lastly, we did finally get her to agree to group therapy when she returns.
Has anyone had something like this happen to them? Any advice or insight into what S is dealing with and why she won't talk to us more than about how our days are going and an occasional meme or pet photo? It's been devastating, for M and me at least. Apparently S is extremely stressed over this. She hasn't told us anything about what she wants or what she needs.
M and I have had a lot of extramarital sexual experiences during our 15 years together. This is our first time actually dating another person together. Partner S requested that we keep the relationship closed, that we be serious about having a commitment ceremony, and living alone together (we currently have a roommate who was my best friend, until these recent events), buying a forever home together. I think we have been actively working towards these requests and had been talking to my friend (we'll call him V) about moving out at the beginning of next year. One other piece of important background information: about a year ago, S and V had a huge falling-out, because he was using her for emotional support and wouldn't respect her boundaries when she wasn't emotionally available for him to vent to.
About two months ago, while I was on a month-long work trip, she decided to try and make up with him to make things easier for me. They became attached at the hip while I was gone and he confessed to her that he loved her. She said she realized she had feelings for him and stopped the conversation, saying she needed to talk to M and me.
S told each of us separately that she and V realized they had romantic feelings for each other and asked us how we would feel if they pursued that. She clarified some things through discussions. She still wants S, M, and me to be together. She wants the relationship to stay closed, except that she gets to date V. V might still move out, but she didn't seem confident about that anymore. She thinks it would be valuable for V to move with us to another state. She wants M and me to not directly talk to V about anything related to the relationship. Her words were that there would be a wall between V and us. We'd talk to her and she'd talk to V.
M and I told S we did not want this for our relationship. S has shut down emotionally and left to see family for a couple of weeks. S stating this made her realize that she actually has a lot of problems with our relationship. M and I have separately contacted V about talking this out, since we're friends. He told me that he has a lot to process and demanded I never stay up late with S, ever again. (S and I had a few conversations that went until 4am about her question.) V hasn't talked to me or M since. S also canceled all of our future plans, including our anniversary. She stated: why plan for it if we might not want to stay together?
Lastly, we did finally get her to agree to group therapy when she returns.
Has anyone had something like this happen to them? Any advice or insight into what S is dealing with and why she won't talk to us more than about how our days are going and an occasional meme or pet photo? It's been devastating, for M and me at least. Apparently S is extremely stressed over this. She hasn't told us anything about what she wants or what she needs.
