I read these complaints when I first got here. And a lot of the dissension made this site almost unbearable at times (thanks LR for convincing me to stick around). My pov differs from most people on this site, my "type" differs greatly. I found the atmosphere abrasive and almost violent. No topic could be debated without someone getting really pissy or trying to twist words into their own use, I always felt like I was watching politicians debate, instead of taking the intended meaning of the posts people would rip them apart and make the context change. That has since stopped since some members have left (usually in a huff). I am still on a forum that does this, okc for the record, people there love to rip apart what is said and blow it up their ass and hand out an apple pie made from blueberries. Fun to watch but not inviting to say the least. I don't run into those challenges here anymore.
What that says, who knows. I have been sysoping and admining sites since I was a kid (over 20 years). This site is run pretty well with lots of differing views with a foundation of a very soft set of terms (everyones poly is different, well thats kind of a weak foundation to build a site on in my very long experience at doign this). You can't be positive to everyone because not everyones version of positive works.
Take this next point as you want ceoli - I have been on 3 other poly forums. I only visit this one (I exclude fetlife as a poly forum because we all have a foundation of fetish to build our stories on, making it a very different feel to here). Your version of mature, respectful and welcoming may not be everyones version. I dislike the feel and emotions of the other sites so stopped visiting. I am not sure what sites you are talking about specifically, but I am just throwing out some anecdotal evidence that rulesets are far from universal or accepting. Someones extreme positivity and acceptance may well be someone elses turn off.
ces la vie, I don't run the site and don't have any real say. I enjoy the contrary positions this site offers without being preachy (thats important to me), that makes someone like me feel welcome. I have never had a problem putting up an opposite opinion to some of the stronger members here. I can remember a time I posted something contrary to a member and she lost it, taking what I said, and handing me back blueberries. Thats not debate, so I walked away from that talk and put her on ignore.
I think the only thing I don't like about this site, and this is not limited to here, is the lack of story line when things are tough (this applied for regulars I should say). I find sometimes people tend to only post when things when they are going well. This creates a false sense of "how it can be" when everyone is dealing with their demons. In any relationship. If we are honest, and in a way representing poly, we should be honest about both sides of the coin. Tabling only one side creates a skewed view. This creates a lot of pressure on the newbs to have that perfect poly relationship, when we all know its continuous hard work. I felt that pressure when I started here but began to ignore it as I just couldn't believe poly could be that clear and concise for people.
This is changing a bit, as more people are blogging, and more members are joining. But it was a concern of mine shortly after I joined.
Anyways, take this as you want it or don't want it.
Ari
What that says, who knows. I have been sysoping and admining sites since I was a kid (over 20 years). This site is run pretty well with lots of differing views with a foundation of a very soft set of terms (everyones poly is different, well thats kind of a weak foundation to build a site on in my very long experience at doign this). You can't be positive to everyone because not everyones version of positive works.
Take this next point as you want ceoli - I have been on 3 other poly forums. I only visit this one (I exclude fetlife as a poly forum because we all have a foundation of fetish to build our stories on, making it a very different feel to here). Your version of mature, respectful and welcoming may not be everyones version. I dislike the feel and emotions of the other sites so stopped visiting. I am not sure what sites you are talking about specifically, but I am just throwing out some anecdotal evidence that rulesets are far from universal or accepting. Someones extreme positivity and acceptance may well be someone elses turn off.
ces la vie, I don't run the site and don't have any real say. I enjoy the contrary positions this site offers without being preachy (thats important to me), that makes someone like me feel welcome. I have never had a problem putting up an opposite opinion to some of the stronger members here. I can remember a time I posted something contrary to a member and she lost it, taking what I said, and handing me back blueberries. Thats not debate, so I walked away from that talk and put her on ignore.
I think the only thing I don't like about this site, and this is not limited to here, is the lack of story line when things are tough (this applied for regulars I should say). I find sometimes people tend to only post when things when they are going well. This creates a false sense of "how it can be" when everyone is dealing with their demons. In any relationship. If we are honest, and in a way representing poly, we should be honest about both sides of the coin. Tabling only one side creates a skewed view. This creates a lot of pressure on the newbs to have that perfect poly relationship, when we all know its continuous hard work. I felt that pressure when I started here but began to ignore it as I just couldn't believe poly could be that clear and concise for people.
This is changing a bit, as more people are blogging, and more members are joining. But it was a concern of mine shortly after I joined.
Anyways, take this as you want it or don't want it.
Ari
