Do Monogamous Myths Undermine POTENTIALLY Successful Poly Relationships

Fetlife.com is another good place for poly discussions.

Echoing this suggestion. Fetlife is a wonderful community, full of thoughtful discussion on just about any subject under the sun. There are groups for so many orientations and interests, political bents and even groups for "smart people" that actually have conversations that are pretty smart! It's far more than a kink site, although that's the main draw, of course. I encourage anyone who is looking for intelligent, independent minded and articulate discussion to investigate this treasure of a resource. Feel free to PM me for an invitation. You'll need one to join up.
 
Echoing this suggestion. Fetlife is a wonderful community, full of thoughtful discussion on just about any subject under the sun. There are groups for so many orientations and interests, political bents and even groups for "smart people" that actually have conversations that are pretty smart! It's far more than a kink site, although that's the main draw, of course. I encourage anyone who is looking for intelligent, independent minded and articulate discussion to investigate this treasure of a resource. Feel free to PM me for an invitation. You'll need one to join up.

What? You need an invite to join now? That must be new.
 
... Feel free to PM me for an invitation. You'll need one to join up.

What? You need an invite to join now? That must be new.

Yes, what?!

When did that happen?

I did join FetLife a while ago...during my last "social" phase. But I found the "poly" threads to be too "kinky" for my tastes (i.e. the poly content was overwhelmed by the BDSM content even in the nominally "poly" groups - maybe I was looking in the wrong places?)
 
I agree

Yes, what?!

When did that happen?

I did join FetLife a while ago...during my last "social" phase. But I found the "poly" threads to be too "kinky" for my tastes (i.e. the poly content was overwhelmed by the BDSM content even in the nominally "poly" groups - maybe I was looking in the wrong places?)
I agree they even showed porn ads of BSDM. I don't mind porn but not when I don't expect it. I thought I was going to find some boards to have some serious discussions about poly.
 
I agree they even showed porn ads of BSDM. I don't mind porn but not when I don't expect it. I thought I was going to find some boards to have some serious discussions about poly.

There are serious discussions there about poly. Just within the context of BDSM, since it's a BDSM site. Makes sense to me?

It's not a forum. It's a social network like Facebook. Facebook has ads that are appropriate on it, so I think it only makes sense that Fetlife has some too.

Looks like there's lots of groups with active discussions on polyamory:
https://fetlife.com/search/groups?q=polyamory

There are also Facebook groups that discuss polyamory but I've found those to be hit or miss. Way more chance of getting mini dictators :p
 
I agree they even showed porn ads of BSDM. I don't mind porn but not when I don't expect it. I thought I was going to find some boards to have some serious discussions about poly.

I'm beginning to think that you look for what makes you unhappy. You messaged me for an invitation to the site, I gave you one. (Ummmmmm......you're welcome, by the way.) There are several groups and oodles of poly discussions there, lots that have no BDSM bent) and you "can't" find them, but see only porn ads.

:rolleyes:
 
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Sorry for bad wording! I appreciate your link, seriously!

I'm beginning to think that you look for what makes you unhappy. You messaged me for an invitation to the site, I gave you one. (Ummmmmm......you're welcome, by the way.) There are several groups and oodles of poly discussions there, lots that have no BDSM bent) and you "can't" find them, but see only porn ads.

:rolleyes:

Sorry Fallen,

I didn't mean to sound ungrateful.:):):) I'll just have to be careful and use the site in non-public places or at home. I really can not access the website at a library because someone MAY complain. But that is fine. I am more than appreciative for you act of kindness. And thank you!!!:):):)
 
It's really no problem!

There are serious discussions there about poly. Just within the context of BDSM, since it's a BDSM site. Makes sense to me?

It's not a forum. It's a social network like Facebook. Facebook has ads that are appropriate on it, so I think it only makes sense that Fetlife has some too.

Looks like there's lots of groups with active discussions on polyamory:
https://fetlife.com/search/groups?q=polyamory

There are also Facebook groups that discuss polyamory but I've found those to be hit or miss. Way more chance of getting mini dictators :p

There are active conversations about poly. However, I just have to be flexible and look at the site at home because of the porn BDSM ads on the side. I started to participate in a discussion forum already.
 
There are active conversations about poly. However, I just have to be flexible and look at the site at home because of the porn BDSM ads on the side. I started to participate in a discussion forum already.

Sorry I didn't warn you it was a NSFW site.
 
Nsfl

Sorry I didn't warn you it was a NSFW site.

It's also a NSFL site. Not Safe For The Library. I often browse this forum at the library. It's really not a good idea to browse fetlife there. I know one guy who browsed some sexually suggestive material and received a warning from the librarian.:D:D:D:D
 
I have been thinking about your comment

Why are you engaging with those people? The internet is chock-a-block full of people who don't give a crap about who loves whom and how other people sex it up. Hang out with them. We're everywhere.

Before I share my full thoughts, I want to apologize for poorly communicating the idea that there are no monogamous couples who defend the non-monogamous lifestyle. I need to work on this part of my communication and I appreciate the criticism.

Now let me respond. I pondered your sentiment for a while now. I do think you are coming from a good place. I do think you sincerely believe there are so many us poly accepting people that it is unproductive to confront the bigotry on YouTube or any social media platform. However, I simply do not see evidence that we as a majority are a poly accepting society. Even though people are unaware of the concept of polyamory, they morally oppose ideas which are essentially polyamorous. IN GENERAL, can you discuss in a group of 10 random people your poly lifestyle without EXPECTING ignorant statements that are seen on YouTube or other discussion boards which discuss poly from non-poly people!! I had a thread in this FORUM concerning those who have friends who disagree with poly and at least 40% of the experiences were negative.


I will say that most people don't give shit about people's sex/romance lives even if it involves poly, kink or swinging but it's under one condition:

"As long as the people you are talking about are not their respective mothers, fathers, daughters or friends."


In other words those who are anti-poly who say they could care less about one's sex life only "care less” if they don't have personal relationships with swingers or polys who don’t reveal their lifestyle. I assure you most anti-poly people (which I sadly say are the vast majority of people in America) will express a significant MORAL aversion to the poly and swinging lifestyle regardless of how polite and civil it is articulated and what great romantic relationships swingers and polys have. BTW Living a happy poly or swinging lifestyle will not stop job termination and losing child custody due to the moral prejudice towards the non-monogamous lifestyle.

Yes, I do understand swinging and poly are different!! :D:D<JOKE> I am just OCDing on the ignorant assumption that polyamory is fundamentally sex centered which is expressed on most discussion forums. I am not assuming you don't know the difference.
 
The past 100 plus years have been a time of social activism, a time of gaining civil rights for anyone who is not a male, white, property owner.

First, the black slaves were freed. At least technically.

Next to fight were women, beginning in the late 19th century. It took about 30 years of fighting, marches, protests, jailtime, beatings, just to get women the vote. And women are still not equal to men.

Next was the 1960s, a time of marches, protests, cross burnings, lynchings, and riots to gain power for people of color. And now they are still prevented from voting, are more likely to be shot by cops, held at the border, separated from their families, live in poverty, etc.

Next the gays. Since many are white males, it was sometimes a bit easier than for women and people of color, especially if they had money. But it's been ugly, people are still murdered and beaten daily, socially ostracized, etc. Same sex marriage was finally made legal, after a lot of struggle and activism on all fronts.

(There are also ongoing fights for legal recreational cannabis, which is another huge issue.)

Now it's time for fighting for civil rights for transpeople, other queers, and for polyamorous relationships to become socially acceptable. It's going to take a lot more than just arguing on social media, YouTube, reddit, Twitter. It takes real life activism, which you, edpsy, seem to find very intimidating. You won't even come out to your parents, much less march in a Pride parade with the poly contingent, or protest outside a city hall, anything out there away from your keyboard. Maybe you will eventually.

Yes, it takes being "out" to get things done. A few movie and TV celebrities are out as poly. They are mocked, and misunderstood. But poly is more and more in the media. Check our own media section here. There's a good new article about a poly community, in Brooklyn NY, where the members don't even consider themselves pioneers, but think they are the settlers, the 2nd wave of polyamorists.

As I've said before, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, prejudice against people of color, against women, against queers, against women having multiple partners, has been in place for about (at least) 3200 years. It will take many people of the newest generation, working very hard, to keep bringing change and equality for people who have been enslaved for so long.
 
For the most part you are correct

Yes, it takes being "out" to get things done. A few movie and TV celebrities are out as poly. They are mocked, and misunderstood. But poly is more and more in the media. Check our own media section here. There's a good new article about a poly community, in Brooklyn NY, where the members don't even consider themselves pioneers, but think they are the settlers, the 2nd wave of polyamorists.

I am afraid you are very very likely to be correct and I am being probably to generous. As bad as I want to say activism can be done covertly, what activists conceal their identity. I plan on coming out on YouTube as a poly activist but I have disguised myself in the videos. Even though I could probably get away with concealing my identity, there is a strong degree of degradation in being an activist and hiding what you are being an activist for in your personal life. Thank you for this harsh but necessary criticism.

It takes real life activism, which you, edpsy, seem to find very intimidating. You won't even come out to your parents, much less march in a Pride parade with the poly contingent, or protest outside a city hall, anything out there away from your keyboard. Maybe you will eventually.
You're correct arguing with people on the YouTube comment section is not enough. Even posting videos defending polyamory is not enough. It will not matter how popular these videos become. Ultimately, at some point of our activism (I am not sure when), we must encourage all poly people to come out.

I have to confess that I think your candid talk about my apprehensions of not coming out will HOPEFULLY inspire me to come out. As of right now, I feel I can tell my family the truth in a few months. But ACTIONS speak louder than words.

However, I don't see the debates with YouTube viewers on poly superficial. The same rhetoric that is used in these comments are used in real life. It is good practice to debunk them but eventually they must be debunked publicly and with everyone knowing my real identity.
 
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