Don't know how I feel (poly D/s)
- Thread starter bobs
- Start date
Yes, I am sorry for your loss. Break-ups do suck.
I remember making the long hard decision to break up with my husband. We'd been together for 30+ years (1974-2008!) and we'd had love, been through amazing ups and downs, raised three kids, etc. But I weighed it in my head. Obviously he wasn't all bad, or else I would have left him much sooner. But I was putting the relationship before my own personal happiness. (And he wasn't happy either, for that matter.) We had a misguided, I have to say, old-fashioned idea of marital loyalty. (Both of our sets of parents married young and were only parted by death.)
But looking at it rationally, I could see that for me, he was only 60% beneficial and compatible (and our sex was great until the end), and 40% not good for me. I realized when I started comparing this to what I began to see I could have instead, that it wasn't enough. I needed more to be healthy and happy.
Part of continuing to grow, even as a fully mature person, is knowing your worth, knowing exactly what you want and deserve, and not settling for less. I had been in denial. I believed his "love" was represented by his jealousy, constant vigilance, territoriality and so on. I realized that it was just his low self esteem and just-below-the-surface misogyny that caused him to want to control me. I was being subtly emotionally abused.
Anyway, you will heal and move on. Take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. Do nice things for yourself!
I remember making the long hard decision to break up with my husband. We'd been together for 30+ years (1974-2008!) and we'd had love, been through amazing ups and downs, raised three kids, etc. But I weighed it in my head. Obviously he wasn't all bad, or else I would have left him much sooner. But I was putting the relationship before my own personal happiness. (And he wasn't happy either, for that matter.) We had a misguided, I have to say, old-fashioned idea of marital loyalty. (Both of our sets of parents married young and were only parted by death.)
But looking at it rationally, I could see that for me, he was only 60% beneficial and compatible (and our sex was great until the end), and 40% not good for me. I realized when I started comparing this to what I began to see I could have instead, that it wasn't enough. I needed more to be healthy and happy.
Part of continuing to grow, even as a fully mature person, is knowing your worth, knowing exactly what you want and deserve, and not settling for less. I had been in denial. I believed his "love" was represented by his jealousy, constant vigilance, territoriality and so on. I realized that it was just his low self esteem and just-below-the-surface misogyny that caused him to want to control me. I was being subtly emotionally abused.
Anyway, you will heal and move on. Take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. Do nice things for yourself!