Ex gf

H

Happygirl67

New member
I'm putting this here because I am in a new tricouple. The couple I'm with I really like a lot male, female, female. We have met in person a few times and everything has been great.

They did have a girlfriend in the past that had moved out due to her wanting more financially in the relationship. So the ex-girlfriend reached out to the male Sunday saying that she's homeless. And being the person that he is, he wants to make sure that she's OK and not homeless.

He talked to me about this, but has not talked to his wife.

I have fallen in love with him and just trying to figure out if she comes into this situation how that would work.
 
Happygirl67 said:
I'm putting this here because I am in a new tricouple.
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Hi and welcome! Just to clear up some common terminology, if you are romantically dating both of these people, the term is "triad." (Some people call it a "throuple," but that term puts emphasis on the couple, so it's not actually used by experienced polyamorists.)
Happygirl67 said:
The couple I'm with I really like a lot male, female, female. We have met in person a few times and everything has been great.
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So your couple really likes a lot of MFF sex, you mean? Is this relationship sex-based, or are there plans for full relationships? Do you love the man but just kind of put up with the woman to get to the man?

If you've only met in person "a few times," beware. This is infatuation (often called new relationship energy, or NRE), not real love. It's too soon for love.
Happygirl67 said:
They did have a girlfriend in the past that had moved out due to her wanting more financially in the relationship. So the ex-girlfriend reached out to the male Sunday saying that she's homeless. And being the person that he is, he wants to make sure that she's OK and not homeless.

He talked to me about this, but has not talked to his wife.

I am just trying to figure out if she comes into this situation how that would work.
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Well, I hope this couple doesn't let their former unicorn come live with them, since she just seems to want to use them for money and a home. They'd be kind of stupid to allow her to take advantage of them. But triads often go this way. Either the unicorn is taking advantage of the couple's better financial situation, or the couple is exploiting the unicorn for sex, babysitting, housework, etc.

If they let this former gf move in with them, you might question whether, despite your infatuation for the guy, he is really smart enough to be your bf at all. He can certainly help his ex find housing, but it doesn't need to be in his home. That's just a recipe for disaster.

I question why he's telling you, his very new gf, about this, and not his established partner. That doesn't sound good either!
 
It's very new. So I assume the guy is precessing, it just happened to be with gf first.

I think you're jumping the gun thinking about how this could work if she getting back with him, moving in or whatever. He hasn't made up his mind yet. Since he told, you can also tell him how you see the situation (i.e. it's not his duty to help her out), or your boundaries (if the ex moves in, are you done?), but ultimately, you have to wait for his/their decision.

Maybe she doesn't move in at all. Maybe she does stay a few days on the couch. Maybe they make another agreement... You'll have to react to that.
 
Tinwen said:
It's very new. So I assume the guy is precessing, it just happened to be with gf first.

I think you're jumping the gun thinking about how this could work if she getting back with him, moving in or whatever. He hasn't made up his mind yet. Since he told, you can also tell him how you see the situation (i.e. it's not his duty to help her out), or your boundaries (if the ex moves in, are you done?), but ultimately, you have to wait for his/their decision.

Maybe she doesn't move in at all. Maybe she does stay a few days on the couch. Maybe they make another agreement... You'll have to react to that.
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He's having a hard time with the situation the ex reached out to him and he hasn't said anything to his wife because the act left and moved out of the house two years ago and he wanted my opinion I gave him my opinion and I think that she should find other avenues to explore, and I'm willing to help him find her those avenues
 
Magdlyn said:
Hi and welcome! Just to clear up some common terminology, if you are romantically dating both of these people, the term is "triad." (Some people call it a "throuple," but that term puts emphasis on the couple, so it's not actually used by experienced polyamorists.)

So your couple really likes a lot of MFF sex, you mean? Is this relationship sex-based, or are there plans for full relationships? Do you love the man but just kind of put up with the woman to get to the man?

If you've only met in person "a few times," beware. This is infatuation (often called new relationship energy, or NRE), no real love. It's too soon for love.

Well, I hope this couple doesn't let their former unicorn come live with them, since she just seems to want to use them for money and a home. They'd be kind of stupid to allow her to take advantage of them. But triads often go this way. Either the unicorn is taking advantage of the couple's better financial situation, or the couple is exploiting the unicorn for sex, babysitting, housework, etc.

If they let this former gf move in with them, you might question whether, despite your infatuation for the guy, he is really smart enough to be your bf at all. He can certainly help his ex find housing, but it doesn't need to be in his home. That's just a recipe for disaster.

I question why he's telling you, his very new gf, about this, and not his established partner. That doesn't sound good either!
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I don't think the form with unicorn is gonna be able to move in because the wife is really touchy about that situation on how you did and what she did
 
Magdlyn said:
Hi and welcome! Just to clear up some common terminology, if you are romantically dating both of these people, the term is "triad." (Some people call it a "throuple," but that term puts emphasis on the couple, so it's not actually used by experienced polyamorists.)

So your couple really likes a lot of MFF sex, you mean? Is this relationship sex-based, or are there plans for full relationships? Do you love the man but just kind of put up with the woman to get to the man?

If you've only met in person "a few times," beware. This is infatuation (often called new relationship energy, or NRE), no real love. It's too soon for love.

Well, I hope this couple doesn't let their former unicorn come live with them, since she just seems to want to use them for money and a home. They'd be kind of stupid to allow her to take advantage of them. But triads often go this way. Either the unicorn is taking advantage of the couple's better financial situation, or the couple is exploiting the unicorn for sex, babysitting, housework, etc.

If they let this former gf move in with them, you might question whether, despite your infatuation for the guy, he is really smart enough to be your bf at all. He can certainly help his ex find housing, but it doesn't need to be in his home. That's just a recipe for disaster.

I question why he's telling you, his very new gf, about this, and not his established partner. That doesn't sound good either!
Click to expand...
He was telling me about the situation to ask my opinion on what I would do in the situation
 
Happygirl67 said:
I have fallen in love with him and just trying to figure out if she comes into this situation how that would work.
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Can you clarify your question, please? What does it mean "comes into this situation"?
 
Hello Happygirl67,

Communication is very important, make sure you talk to both him and his wife about the situation, and have them tell you what you can expect. I don't personally think he should let the ex-girlfriend move in with him, but I don't know much about the situation.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello Happygirl67,

Communication is very important, make sure you talk to both him and his wife about the situation, and have them tell you what you can expect. I don't personally think he should let the ex-girlfriend move in with him, but I don't know much about the situation.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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They did let her move back in.
 
Well, that doesn't look good at first glance, I don't know if and how this affects your interactions with them. Make sure you talk with them directly, and find out what this all means for you.
 
They broke it off with me. She has moved from another state to be with them before they broke up and they didn't have it in their heart to leave her homeless.
 
I'm very sorry that they broke it off with you. It sounds like they weren't completely over their relationship with this ex?-girlfriend, it's nice that they were willing to give her a place to live, but I don't like that they made you collateral damage.
 
I'm sure it hurts a lot, although you may have dodged a bullet here, you don't want to be involved with someone who values your feelings so cheaply. Hang in there, I know it will take time to recover.
 
Wow, what a weird development. Wish you quick healing :/

I'd be interested why you wanted to be a couples' girlfriend/unicorn (as that seemed to be the setup), but I don't think the very moment of a breakup is a great time to have that conversation. Maybe later if you want to tell us :)

Take good care od yourself!
 
Wow.

The exGF leaves. Then is at risk of homelessness. She asks him to help her. He asks you your opinion before even telling his wife. And then they let her move back in. They do not address how this change affects the triad of (you + him + wife). They just break up with you.

This is a lot to take in in a short time.

But maybe its kind of a bullet dodged for you? They are kind of making unilateral decisions that affect you without even talking to you about it fully. It was like husband was "asking your opinion" in quotation marks rather than actually asking.

I'm sorry this happened like this. :(

Take good care of you as you heal from the breakup.

Galagirl
 
GalaGirl said:
Wow.

The exGF leaves. Then is at risk of homelessness. She asks him to help her. He asks you your opinion before even telling his wife. And then they let her move back in. They do not address how this change affects the triad of (you + him + wife). They just break up with you.

This is a lot to take in in a short time.

But maybe its kind of a bullet dodged for you? They are kind of making unilateral decisions that affect you without even talking to you about it fully. It was like husband was "asking your opinion" in quotation marks rather than actually asking.

I'm sorry this happened like this. :( Take good care of you as you heal from the breakup.
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Thanks. And it's like I am left in the dark. I am hurt but understand that they don't want her homeless. But it could have been said to her we are seeing someone.
 
Yes.

They could have told her, "Before you move in, you need to know that we're triad-dating someone else, so you might see them around."

They could have told you, "We've decided to let ex-GF move in because of her homelessness risk. We've told her we are triad-dating you so she might see you around. Later when there's a good time, could we talk about how this emergency impacts our triad-dating life? I know it's been sudden and all clunky. I'm sorry for that."

Or even if they wanted to break up with you, they could have done it better than THIS. Nobody has to keep dating if they are not into it anymore, but JEEZ. This is a really rough delivery.

I'm sorry. :(

Galagirl
 
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