Extremely new

B

Bouncingbetty

New member
Hi!

My husband and I are extremely new to polyamory. Really, we have only been talking about it for about a month. I never really thought of polyamory as an option, I didn't think being bisexual was either. I have always known I was attracted to females but since I always fell in love with men I didn't think much of it. In the last 6 months I realized that I am bisexual and I would like to identify as such, especially with those closest to me. Part of this realization came from a very strong physical and emotional attraction to a close friend. I started looking into polyamory and realized that I have always had these kind of feelings but I never allowed myself to acknowledge them.

About a month ago I "came out" to my husband (of almost 4 years) as bisexual, though he already knew about the attraction I wanted to make sure he knew I was labeling it. That went well, I knew it would. I was nervous about mentioning polyamory because I thought he would never go for it as he is religious. I planned on waiting a while after the first conversation but somehow it came up. It was more in a joking way at first...but the more we discuss it I think we may actually decide to try it.

I am not sure what form it will take as we are still very early in the discussion process. My husband is also interested in the girl I mentioned above. I think she might be interested in me, him or us as well but have not figured out how to bring this up.

Thanks for reading this and I am interested to hear about all of you!
 
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Welcome to the forum. Hopefully things will progress naturally with your friend. At the very least you have learned something about yourself. Good luck.
 
Welcome aboard! I think you'll find everyone very helpful!
 
Hi Betty - welcome to the Forum! I've been here since the first of the year when my wife and I opened up our marriage to poly. I have found most folks here to be friendly and helpful - with lots of sound advice and good info. Best of luck on your poly journey! Al
 
Greetings Bouncingbetty,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sounds like you are just getting started on your poly journey, hopefully Polyamory.com can help you sort out the details. You might find Life stories and blogs interesting, it tells many of our stories. You can find my blog there if you're interested. Basically, I have been in an MFM V since 2006, our life is not exciting but it is peaceful. They say first year forming, second year storming, third year norming; sometimes that is true, poly is a learning process.

Let us know if you have any questions!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
My (now) husband was actually the one that pointed out that I fit the label "bisexual". I always knew that I was non-mono/poly. (Details in my "Journey Blog".) I have only ever had "romantic" relationships with men (all BOTH times) so currently, label-wise, I consider myself bisexual-but-heteroromantic...but suspect this might change.

When/If you do bring up your interest to the woman (not "girl" - I say this to appease some of our members:p) of interest, please be aware that it highly likely that she will be more interested in pursuing a relationship with one or the other of you as opposed to both "equally" (which is, actually, very unlikely). Just for completeness, I have to include this link -
So, someone called you a Unicorn Hunter


It sounds like you are taking it slow (which is good advice - that I have never followed). Things to consider - if the woman of interest is only interested in ONE of you is that okay? Is your husband only okay with you pursuing female partners? Are you okay with him pursuing other partners as well? Of all genders?
 
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Thanks for your response. I know it's more likely that she would only be interested in one(but a girl can dream right) if at all, considering poly is pretty taboo in our community. I really didn't know anything about it until my recent research.

My husband and I have barely scratched the surface of what becoming poly would mean. He knows I am super intrigued by the possibility but I am trying to take it extremely slow when we discuss it. I know he would be much more comfortable with the idea of me with another woman versus a man. I think he would be okay with it if she (or someone else) was only interested in me as he still thinks the idea of him being with another woman (unless it was with me) would be like cheating. I think I would be okay with him having another partner as long as it wasn't just "sleeping around" but he actually cared for them.

My husband is heterosexual. He knows that my attraction to people is not really based on any specific gender. Other than that, we have many more discussions to go before we jump in.
 
My husband and I have been reading the books together: More Than Two, Ethical Slut, forum posts, and listening to polyamory weekly podcasts.
We still talk about polyamory a lot, but in the beginning it started to dominate our discussions. Having shared reading to talk about made the discussions more about polyamory theory and not us personally so in those early days it helped a ton.
Taking it slow is good advice, but my slow looks different than yours and so on.
I'd advise on holding back from seeing what's out there ( actively looking for dates) for as long as you can stand it. At the very least create a strong relationship base with your husband so that when you hit bumps in the road (because you will hit bumps) you can recover from them better off than when you started the journey.
Addressing any personal issues is also very important. Its an ongoing process, but having a good head start with that will help so much.

I call this time transition, not mono, not quite poly. It's exciting and scary.
I wish you the best of luck!

I also identified as bisexual during the course of my marriage to a man, Dean.
I also presented the concept of Polyamory to my husband.
Feel free to read my blog here, One Mistake at a Time.
We haven't been at polyamory long and we've come miles from then til now.
 
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