It must be a very difficult situation for the lady in Danny40179's life too. I am mono, and trying to understand and educate myself in Polyamory. The reason for this is to be able to accept and keep the love for a friend knowing it is out of grasp. I am sure if I were to be Poly things might have worked differently, however, as mentioned before in the post, the lifestyle is not for everyone. A shift in mindset, probably helps, but a person´s past history and upbringing weighs too much at times and makes that shift close to impossible to happen consciously. For a mono person, if not aware and educated, it can turn out to be a living hell and create more doubts and insecurities rather than gratitude for the love that is being shared. For a mono too there are decisions to be made and questions to be answered, like, should I educate myself and be understanding and accept this person as is, non attachment, and keep them in my life as friends, in gratitude, or should I just go? It is very interesting to me that someone said I was punishing myself for having the expectation of a committed relationship, with love and sex, and that I was missing out. It may be true... but a mindset does not change only because someone says so or wants it to happen, if the underlying issues are not worked on. After a few years, I am now open to the task of at least learning and trying to understand.
It is very tricky, self confidence is a strict must to stay and enjoy.
Thank you all for sharing your stories and thoughts. Your contribution is very enlightening and a great stepping stone for references. Your comments and thoughts are welcome.