I have always struggled with rejection. As I work on myself it is always near the front of the line of things I cope poorly with. There are many struggles in my past that I won't go into my usual oversharing with but it has been there a long time. In my current relationship my partner and I have come to a place where we have a significant difference in libido. I would be happy with nearly daily. She has a high libido for a 2-4 day stretch out of the month which we guess is tied to a hormonal cycle. Having an IUD makes it a bit unpredictable. The rest of the time she has little to no interest. There are some other issues at play for her as well but its enough to say that it does not really bear on the topic.
I have always been the type to be sexually available to a partner on demand. Illness and other things aside I am just not in the no business. Even if it's not at the top of my mind or I am not really feeling it in the moment I find I always wind up having fun. I am also a big fan of enthusiastic consent, even in committed relationships. I find it is pretty easy to tell if a partner is not into it and I don't like feeling like a chore or obligation. I also know the difference in doing something to please someone or make them happy and doing it to get them off your back or so they won't be grumpy.
What this can and has devolved to in the past is where I simply stop trying to initiate at all in order to avoid the feelings of rejection and all that comes with that. Since we opened up to my wife seeing other women 4 years ago I find that it changes those feelings for me. She had not seen anyone during COVID but has recently become active again. I support her and don't want her to stop. I have found that it has ramped up both my feelings of rejection and my fear of it. It came more into focus a couple of weeks ago went she went out with her newest interest. It was outside her high libido time and it had been about 10 days since we had been together. I understand she has to make more effort to negotiate and set aside time for girl dates. However, it did poke the "what about me" monster.
We have communicated enough that she knows I have these feelings. I am trying to find a way to better cope. I also see that she carries more of the burden of my feelings that she should. I don't keep score. I don't want her worry about equity or keeping up negatively impacting her experience either.
So if you deal with feelings around rejection, has being poly changed it in any way? Do you think NRE has a significant impact? How have you found strategies to cope with it?
I have always been the type to be sexually available to a partner on demand. Illness and other things aside I am just not in the no business. Even if it's not at the top of my mind or I am not really feeling it in the moment I find I always wind up having fun. I am also a big fan of enthusiastic consent, even in committed relationships. I find it is pretty easy to tell if a partner is not into it and I don't like feeling like a chore or obligation. I also know the difference in doing something to please someone or make them happy and doing it to get them off your back or so they won't be grumpy.
What this can and has devolved to in the past is where I simply stop trying to initiate at all in order to avoid the feelings of rejection and all that comes with that. Since we opened up to my wife seeing other women 4 years ago I find that it changes those feelings for me. She had not seen anyone during COVID but has recently become active again. I support her and don't want her to stop. I have found that it has ramped up both my feelings of rejection and my fear of it. It came more into focus a couple of weeks ago went she went out with her newest interest. It was outside her high libido time and it had been about 10 days since we had been together. I understand she has to make more effort to negotiate and set aside time for girl dates. However, it did poke the "what about me" monster.
We have communicated enough that she knows I have these feelings. I am trying to find a way to better cope. I also see that she carries more of the burden of my feelings that she should. I don't keep score. I don't want her worry about equity or keeping up negatively impacting her experience either.
So if you deal with feelings around rejection, has being poly changed it in any way? Do you think NRE has a significant impact? How have you found strategies to cope with it?