UnusualCreature
New member
Hello everyone,
I hope all of you are doing very well. I want to tell my story and get some guidance from you that can speak from the experience.
(please apologize if my english is not excellent, is not my native language)
First of all, I am male 33 years old, been in a relationship with my girlfriend (30 years old/Nina) for the past 16 years without any serious problem in the way, we love each other so much and we are very good partners in everything, no complaints at all. Nina is a different and unique woman.
We live together renting a small house where we are all happy living with our cats. We haven't married because we don't believe in that "institution". We agree that our confidence and trust is more powerful than anything (we have a plan for a formalization of this out of marriage) so I can say our relationship is very strong, we passed very bad times and we supported each other very good.
I could go deep in the loving part, but I don't want to extend too much here. But the fact is that I love her and I am sure of that. Also I trust in her feelings to me and the honesty that we always had in our relationship.
So, Nina have a sister, Esther is 22 years old, she lives far away in other city with her parents, I know her since she was a child and I always noted something special in the way of her thinking. Of course at that time never passed for my head that I was going to love her like I do today...
Nina an Esther are very close, they tell everything each other and have a very good relationship, always talking and supporting each other, and I support too in any issue that they can have as sisters.
With the time, things was happening that turned my view on her in a different meaning. She become a very special person, a woman with strong convictions and a long etc. that I kept for myself. But the time told me that started to love her from about 4 years ago. But I didn't do anything because I thought it was wrong to feel something like this for my girlfriend's sister without stop loving Nina. My feelings was rare for me, and I felt different for having this, like a problem.
We, the three, do many things together, we travel, special dates together, etc. and this year she came here to live with us for academic purposes for just few months.
I am not gonna lie, I was very anxious when I got the notice that she was coming to live with us, I prepared myself to share the space with Nina and Esther everyday and I thought that I was going to get caught about my feelings.
Because of covid, her stay was extended and after a months of brainstorming about this I deduced that I was not doing something wrong in just loving someone else, meanwhile I was going to be honest, nothing wrong should happen. Is loving wrong? so I decided to talk with both and tell them what was happening.
I tolk with Esther 1st, because she have a better control on emotions and more knowledge about this kind of love. She told me that it was not something bad, we got a very relaxing conversation but I didn't ask her for anything, because I didn't talk with Nina yet. So the only conversation that we had was about my feelings to her, to drop the bag I was loading from years. She told me that we should tell Nina soon, and I understand that because as they are very close, probably Esther should feel weird hidding this to her for much time.
So after a week or so, I tolk with Nina and explained everything with some shame and pain. I knew that she was not going to take it easy, so I told her that I love Esther but I also told her how big and strong is my love to her (Nina) too, that my love for Esther doesn't minimize the love that I feel for her in anyway (is the truth) and that I wont do anything that she doesn't want to. I also told her that I already tolk with Esther. She asked me for few time and to not tell to Esther that she knows yet.
We got about 3-4 days with bad feelings from her, but after that she got over it (not at all but very good). Nina did talk with Esther after few days, they told me, and the conversation went good between them. Finally the tension between us was solved and now all know what happened here.
I was very cautious in not breaking the rules on the relationship with Nina, because I wanted to be really honest and not being a player. We are ok now, I can't say that we are very good back, because this is a beat for a person that never thought about this kind of love before, specially from conservative families/societies that have only eyes for the average.
So after the talk between Nina and Esther, we are all better in the thread, but not talking about it between us. I only talk with Nina sometimes about it and I believe it's a slow process to understand. I am very passive right now with this, because I don't wanna hurt her or Esther.
I don't know what to do at this point. Plus I don't have that type of friends that can understand this, so it's a situation that I have to think and solve at my own.
I haven't talk with Esther again about this after I told her that I love her the 1st time. Because I think that Nina is in a little pain yet, so I try to stay away from Esther most of the time and spend more of the time with Nina.
I think and feel that they both are the perfect complement for they and for me. Living together has been wonderful, on everything, homeworks, duties, love, company, finances, etc. I believe that we could have a great future together full of success, thinking in the daily. About feelings I don't know because is the 1st time that I am involved in something like this.
I know this is a difficult situation, I had read some threads here in the forum about some similar situations and the opinions about it. But I still think that there is more to look away. I am a very logic person (I work with maths) and I understand that the feelings are not rational and we have to respect all about the other person(s), but I need to know how to continue, or if I am doing wrong, any advise to do or not do, maybe stop at all with this thinking and be a normal, forgetting and forcing me to not love someone....
Thank you for reading and I hope you have/had a great day at the time you did read this text.
UnusualCreature
I hope all of you are doing very well. I want to tell my story and get some guidance from you that can speak from the experience.
(please apologize if my english is not excellent, is not my native language)
First of all, I am male 33 years old, been in a relationship with my girlfriend (30 years old/Nina) for the past 16 years without any serious problem in the way, we love each other so much and we are very good partners in everything, no complaints at all. Nina is a different and unique woman.
We live together renting a small house where we are all happy living with our cats. We haven't married because we don't believe in that "institution". We agree that our confidence and trust is more powerful than anything (we have a plan for a formalization of this out of marriage) so I can say our relationship is very strong, we passed very bad times and we supported each other very good.
I could go deep in the loving part, but I don't want to extend too much here. But the fact is that I love her and I am sure of that. Also I trust in her feelings to me and the honesty that we always had in our relationship.
So, Nina have a sister, Esther is 22 years old, she lives far away in other city with her parents, I know her since she was a child and I always noted something special in the way of her thinking. Of course at that time never passed for my head that I was going to love her like I do today...
Nina an Esther are very close, they tell everything each other and have a very good relationship, always talking and supporting each other, and I support too in any issue that they can have as sisters.
With the time, things was happening that turned my view on her in a different meaning. She become a very special person, a woman with strong convictions and a long etc. that I kept for myself. But the time told me that started to love her from about 4 years ago. But I didn't do anything because I thought it was wrong to feel something like this for my girlfriend's sister without stop loving Nina. My feelings was rare for me, and I felt different for having this, like a problem.
We, the three, do many things together, we travel, special dates together, etc. and this year she came here to live with us for academic purposes for just few months.
I am not gonna lie, I was very anxious when I got the notice that she was coming to live with us, I prepared myself to share the space with Nina and Esther everyday and I thought that I was going to get caught about my feelings.
Because of covid, her stay was extended and after a months of brainstorming about this I deduced that I was not doing something wrong in just loving someone else, meanwhile I was going to be honest, nothing wrong should happen. Is loving wrong? so I decided to talk with both and tell them what was happening.
I tolk with Esther 1st, because she have a better control on emotions and more knowledge about this kind of love. She told me that it was not something bad, we got a very relaxing conversation but I didn't ask her for anything, because I didn't talk with Nina yet. So the only conversation that we had was about my feelings to her, to drop the bag I was loading from years. She told me that we should tell Nina soon, and I understand that because as they are very close, probably Esther should feel weird hidding this to her for much time.
So after a week or so, I tolk with Nina and explained everything with some shame and pain. I knew that she was not going to take it easy, so I told her that I love Esther but I also told her how big and strong is my love to her (Nina) too, that my love for Esther doesn't minimize the love that I feel for her in anyway (is the truth) and that I wont do anything that she doesn't want to. I also told her that I already tolk with Esther. She asked me for few time and to not tell to Esther that she knows yet.
We got about 3-4 days with bad feelings from her, but after that she got over it (not at all but very good). Nina did talk with Esther after few days, they told me, and the conversation went good between them. Finally the tension between us was solved and now all know what happened here.
I was very cautious in not breaking the rules on the relationship with Nina, because I wanted to be really honest and not being a player. We are ok now, I can't say that we are very good back, because this is a beat for a person that never thought about this kind of love before, specially from conservative families/societies that have only eyes for the average.
So after the talk between Nina and Esther, we are all better in the thread, but not talking about it between us. I only talk with Nina sometimes about it and I believe it's a slow process to understand. I am very passive right now with this, because I don't wanna hurt her or Esther.
I don't know what to do at this point. Plus I don't have that type of friends that can understand this, so it's a situation that I have to think and solve at my own.
I haven't talk with Esther again about this after I told her that I love her the 1st time. Because I think that Nina is in a little pain yet, so I try to stay away from Esther most of the time and spend more of the time with Nina.
I think and feel that they both are the perfect complement for they and for me. Living together has been wonderful, on everything, homeworks, duties, love, company, finances, etc. I believe that we could have a great future together full of success, thinking in the daily. About feelings I don't know because is the 1st time that I am involved in something like this.
I know this is a difficult situation, I had read some threads here in the forum about some similar situations and the opinions about it. But I still think that there is more to look away. I am a very logic person (I work with maths) and I understand that the feelings are not rational and we have to respect all about the other person(s), but I need to know how to continue, or if I am doing wrong, any advise to do or not do, maybe stop at all with this thinking and be a normal, forgetting and forcing me to not love someone....
Thank you for reading and I hope you have/had a great day at the time you did read this text.
UnusualCreature