So I kinda feel into polyamory by accident and recently I've been struggling with jealousy but I can't quite figure out why I'm jealous. I would love to get some perspective from others.
First some background - I've been with my husband/boyfriend for almost 18 years. Around a year ago, I felt the need to figure out if I was bi or not. I've wondered before here and there but never did anything about it since I was in a monogamous relationship with my husband/boyfriend. So over the course of a couple of months, I gathered up the courage to talk to my husband about it and got his blessing to go and figure this out. And, so I did. I went on a couple of dates and eventually got into a relationship with a girl that was poly - I confirmed that I was bi.
Everything was great to start and she is married too. I'm not jealous of her husband at all. I've seen them hug/kiss each other on the cheeks/etc and was completely fine. But then she got another bf - which I struggled for a bit but I wasn't overtly jealous. Feel more neutral and sometimes mild curiosity in terms of what they do/etc. And then she got a 2nd bf, which made me sad and sometimes numb. Recently, she got a 3rd bf and that really pushed me over the edge. So, she basically got 4 new relationships over a 6 month or so period. But I still can't quite figure out why her having these boyfriends makes me feel so sad. I know she wouldn't leave me for them - so it's not an insecurity thing. I read some jealousy articles/etc and none of the descriptive terms really ring true to me except for maybe being hurt somehow?
I know she loves me and probably doesn't love them. (She tells me these other relationships are more FWB types and I believe her.)
How do you figure out the root cause of jealousy?
First some background - I've been with my husband/boyfriend for almost 18 years. Around a year ago, I felt the need to figure out if I was bi or not. I've wondered before here and there but never did anything about it since I was in a monogamous relationship with my husband/boyfriend. So over the course of a couple of months, I gathered up the courage to talk to my husband about it and got his blessing to go and figure this out. And, so I did. I went on a couple of dates and eventually got into a relationship with a girl that was poly - I confirmed that I was bi.
Everything was great to start and she is married too. I'm not jealous of her husband at all. I've seen them hug/kiss each other on the cheeks/etc and was completely fine. But then she got another bf - which I struggled for a bit but I wasn't overtly jealous. Feel more neutral and sometimes mild curiosity in terms of what they do/etc. And then she got a 2nd bf, which made me sad and sometimes numb. Recently, she got a 3rd bf and that really pushed me over the edge. So, she basically got 4 new relationships over a 6 month or so period. But I still can't quite figure out why her having these boyfriends makes me feel so sad. I know she wouldn't leave me for them - so it's not an insecurity thing. I read some jealousy articles/etc and none of the descriptive terms really ring true to me except for maybe being hurt somehow?
I know she loves me and probably doesn't love them. (She tells me these other relationships are more FWB types and I believe her.)
How do you figure out the root cause of jealousy?