Yes, I wish I meant something to him. I wish I was important to him. Regardless of the pain he's caused me, I still feel like I care deeply for him. I don't think he cares as much for me. He said it in his message this morning: "I'm sorry that it isn't working with us. I'm not going to change the way that i am. I am who and what I am. Your interpretation of this and what ought I do has no influence on me."
From those words, I think he cares more for himself and what he wants. That means, there's no room for you or maybe anyone for him to care about as much as he cares about himself. What he wrote shows a selfish world view. That's not poly. That's hooking up for a hook up and disregarding the person.
Based on my conversation last night, I feel like it's already done. We're already broken up. I feel like I've been a coward. I feel like I was holding on. But I think both him and I recognize now that this is not working. And he is certainly not willing to consider me right now. What more is there to be said? I wish it wasn't so, but it is. I've tried to talk to him, I've tried to find common ground with him. He wants none of it. He says "take me or leave me, I'm not changing who I am." I am just hurting myself trying to reason with someone who doesn't want to reason.
Outside looking in, you're not a coward for thinking of your boundaries and what you need. That's what a strong person does. They think of how does this effect me? What does this mean to me? Asking for what you need and want is never wrong. When people who love us in return hear what we need and want, they tend to share and provide because they care for us too. If they can't they say why. From what you wrote about this man, that's not where he is. And most likely, he may never be that way for and to you. I am sorry. It hurts and its going to hurt. But you've come this far. You can do this.
Thank you. I was very happy with him, for the first months. But the last month and a half with him, has been very hard on me and his actions have continually pulled me into a pit of deep unhappiness for days at a time, pulling me away from the other good things in my life, where everything feels awful.
The new relationship phase wore off. And the true state of affairs is showing through. The change in your own emotional response shows this. There seems to be no deep connection regardless of the sexual connection.
I'm very disappointed that this hasn't worked, and that he isn't the person he seemed to be in the beginning. He seemed so much more considerate to me at first, he was sweet, he was kind and good to me, and he seemed to want the same things. I felt in love with him. I don't know what's happened in the past month and a half to make him become so much more selfish. I don't know if it's my fault for trying to "force" him into a relationship. However I also don't think I ever tried to force him, I just was honest about what I wanted in the long run (a committed relationship, either with him or someone else).
The true personality is coming out. Its not your fault. Yes, you were part of it but you have choice to either stay and be used or make another choice that is healthier and more fulfilling for you. He is selfish. He's not going to change for anyone. You know where he stands, now you have to decide on where you will stand.
I'm feeling awful right now, I'm in pain, I'm completely off balance, I'm depressed, I'm ungrounded, I'm reeling. I don't do well with losing people.
Take care of yourself. Keep your boundaries firm. Be honest in how you feel and don't be afraid to feel them. You have to go through the tough feelings to get through to the good ones. If you do end the relationship, do so. Don't just assume. Make it clear. Set a boundary. Not for him but for you. This is where I am. This is where I ended it. Say the last things you need to say and then close the door. You don't have to burn, nuke or trash it. Just end it and let him know, no he can't come back. No, he made his choice and this is good bye. Do it for you.
I wish I had more to give you other than just words. Having been though a bad break up, I know how bad it is. My partner watched me suffer and I watched him suffer. Yet, we pulled each other through. Find your friends and family who will help pull you through this. You'll work through it. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up. Remember hindsight is always 20/20. Realize you now know what you will accept and what you won't accept. That's a life lesson that is difficult to get through but when you know that, you can see these types of people coming from a mile away. That is the best outcome.
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