Finding another boyfriend for my wife

[threesnocrowd]

Hi Guys,

Do you know of another way (other than online) for my wife to meet a relatively young (in his 20's) boyfriend who would be cool with her having a husband? She likes fit, young guys (what woman doesn't right?) and she feels creepy going to college bars.

Any suggestions or are there any place in or around NYC that you would recommend for a married blond woman in her 30s to meet a younger guy?

Any suggestions are appreciated!

 

[BlueShoes]

Everything you have to say about the people involved is so generic. The hypothetical guys are fit and young. Your wife is blonde and married. And you're the one asking, not her, so it's hard to gauge her interest level. The bit where you assume all women want fit, young guys doesn't help, it just makes me wonder if your wife really wants this at all.

If I were trying to meet that kind of guy, I'd join a gym. Or an adult kickball league. Or go to local poly meetups.

 

[Nadya]

Do you know of another way (other than online) for my wife to meet a relatively young (in his 20's) boyfriend who would be cool with her having a husband?

In my experience, it is not that hard to find men - younger or older - interested in dating a married woman. I have been approached by quite large number of men, older and younger, the question is how to find some decent guys amongst them... I have been lucky, though.

She likes fit, young guys (what woman doesn't right?)

No, I don't like fit, young guys, and I am a woman! I have never dated a "fit and young" guy - not my cuppa tea. I look for something totally different in a dating partner.

and she feels creepy going to college bars.

Any suggestions or are there any place in or around NYC that you would recommend for a married blond woman in her 30s to meet a younger guy?

Any suggestions are appreciated!

I have the same question than BlueShoes: Is your wife really interested in getting a new young lover? Is it rather a fantasy of yours? Or a fantasy that she herself talks about (at sexy moments) but is not into making it a reality? In the end, she needs to be open for new connections and active to have something happen. There should be no shortage of opportunities in NYC area! What is she herself interested in? Then find some gatherings around that subject and see what happens...

 

[kdt26417]

"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations

Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

 

[Inyourendo]

Her best bet is to make friends with guys who are into working out and just let things blossom naturally. She could put an ad up that she's looking for a male workout partner or she could strike up conversations at the gym

 

[FallenAngelina]

In my experience, it is not that hard to find men - younger or older - interested in dating a married woman.

Yeah, if you're in NYC, threesnocrowd, just go outside. Every second guy would be willing.

And yes, not every woman wants a young, fit guy - not even for sex. Many men my age are wonderfully full of life, wisdom, peace, appreciation and experience in a way that makes for love making that is miles and miles more satisfying than with men much younger. Not that your wife asked my advice or should look for men my age, just that she might want to consider quality of connection over candy of eye.

Why isn't your wife considering online meeting? OKCupid is filled to bursting with young guys looking to take up with married women.

 

[Magdlyn]

Yeah, if you're in NYC, threesnocrowd, just go outside. Every second guy would be willing.

I LOLed!

And yes, not every woman wants a young, fit guy - not even for sex. Many men my age are wonderfully full of life, wisdom, peace, appreciation and experience in a way that makes for love making that is miles and miles more satisfying than with men much younger. Not that your wife asked my advice or should look for men my age, just that she might want to consider quality of connection over candy of eye.

Well, I've had some damn good lovers in their 20s and early 30s. Some men make an art of it from an early age...

It's easy to be attractive when you're under 35, but lots of older men are super hot looking too.

Personally, I like men of any age that are attractive, which to me means more than looks. I like them relatively fit, respectful, good humored, intelligent, and with good strong libidos. I'm not looking for a brainless Adonis, but someone I can talk to after the sex. Otherwise I feel like a whore.

I have had relationships with men in their 60s who had strong libidos. But that age group does start to suffer from prostate issues, hbp, ED...

I go for men younger than myself also, for various reasons. But "young" to me means under 50 lol. My current beaux are 42 and 27 and quite virile and with high libidos. (My long term live in partner is female and 38.) You and your wife ARE young. 30 is young! Your wife wants a college kid, late teens, early 20s? I use OK Cupid, and even at my age, I get about 6 messages a day from men from age 18 and up. Your wife would probably get 100s of messages a day, lol, and have her pick.

I don't understand the reluctance to use online dating. OK Cupid is free, and most men have profiles written which are useful for screening out the jerks, the losers and the crazies.

Why isn't your wife considering online meeting? OKCupid is filled to bursting with young guys looking to take up with married women.

She could join meetups.com and go do activities that appeal to her. Usually the male to female ratio is 10 to 1.

Good luck to you both!

 

[assets]

I'm with everyone above that says why not online dating? I've met some great people (including my amazing partner) on OKC and the bonus is that they already know that you're poly, if you include that in your profile

 

[NortheastPoly]

Your description is not only generic, but also not realistic too, since the kind of guy you're looking for is usually a slim find. Your views on what a guy should look like is based on media perception.

Secondly: Is this what she really wants? If it is, then why isn't she here making the post instead? As someone else said, it seems like a fantasy of yours you want to fulfill when we don't know if she really wants this or not.

Our husband has an average build and we like him like that. He works out, but he doesn't get ripped. These are the type of guys most women go for believe it or not.

You'd be surprised to find out not every woman wants a chiseled guy and a squeaky clean image. Our husband has long hair, a nice average body, and most importantly, has a wonderful personality and intelligence.

 

[WhatHappened]

Try the Hot Young Guys я Us store. Just fill out a form listing the specifications...oh, wait, you want an actual human being? Like a person in his own right, who might also have thoughts and a personality and interests and wants of his own?

Yeah, try getting to know people as people. Of course, maybe she really does just want a hot young guy to have sex with and nothing else matters, in which case that's really not hard to find, as others have said.

Pardon my sarcasm, but maybe there's a reason she feels creepy going to college bars hunting for young guys, and changing the venue whereby she 'meets one' doesn't really change the motivation or intent behind it.

Is it any different from a 30-something guy announcing he wants a hot young girl who will have sex with a married man and where can he meet one without feeling like a creep?

 

[BlueShoes]

It's slightly different. It's a secondhand reqiest. For someone whose actual interest in the prospect is poorly established.

 

[WhatHappened]

It's slightly different. It's a secondhand reqiest. For someone whose actual interest in the prospect is poorly established.

Watching his wife with a hot young guy maybe?

The word FINDING in the title just grates me wrong. It's like shopping for an item, for sexual use. Isn't polyAMORY supposed to be about LOVE?

 

[Ravenscroft]

Seems like a lot of people think sex = love & love = sex.

And "polyamory" (in the greater, inclusive sense) includes "Ethical Sluttiness" which has no requirement for deep-felt head-over-heels Love.

Besides, feeling amorous usually does NOT mean long Romantic walks in the rain & generally much closer to "getting a piece of ass ASAP."

But, that's all apparently "just semantics" & not worth pondering because everyone knows precisely what it means.

 

[SnC]

Reversing the order of the quotes, but bear with me...

Any suggestions or are there any place in or around NYC that you would recommend for a married blond woman in her 30s to meet a younger guy?

It's NYC. There's a zillion places. But, it's not the place that matters here.

Do you know of another way (other than online) for my wife to meet a relatively young (in his 20's) boyfriend who would be cool with her having a husband? She likes fit, young guys (what woman doesn't right?) and she feels creepy going to college bars.

Trying to find "a" guy is easy. Your wife will have no problems doing that. If what she wants is a torrid love affair that lasts a few weeks and burns out in a bursting glory of sexual lust, you should have no problem. A relatively young, attractive woman will have no problems finding that. Wear the right clothes, makeup, shoes, in the right setting, and it's flies to a flame. Her having a husband is a non-factor in this equation.

The question is, what does she want? Does she want more than a lover, a true boyfriend who actually cares about her in more than a sexual way? The average young 20 something guy isn't prepared for being the boyfriend of a woman who has a husband. I don't mean to stereotype, but their emotional maturity is not just sufficient yet to wrap their brains around that concept.

I've seen many, many stories of women who have found a guy to play around with, only to find the guy falls in love with her and wants to steal her away from her husband. Far, far better to find a guy who already knows what the deal is, that stealing her away from you isn't an option. That's why online is so frequently better. Use an online dating service that caters to polyamory. Guys who are on such sites will already know up front what the deal is, and will largely be there because they accept that deal, even before meeting your wife.

My wife and I once met with a guy nearly 20 years her junior. We'd found him via such an online resource. So, one issue out of the way. He was very much attracted to older women, and was quite happy with me being in the picture. In fact, it was good for him as what he wanted wasn't marriage, but a long term relationship where the commitment level was not as thorough as marriage or the prospects of it. He was a college student, and surprisingly mature for his age. We'd agreed to meet with him only because our interactions with him had shown him to be mature. But, this is rare. Few men in their early 20s are at a stage in their emotional lives where they can fit into this picture. My wife almost agreed to date him, but in the end she decided it wasn't for her, despite knowing he would likely be a powerful lover able to go for hours.

I guess it all boils down to what your wife really wants. If a young college age student is really what she wants, then figure out if you're comfortable with a guy who likely isn't going to understand where the borders are. Be cautious.

 

[sexyserb]

I'm not sure why it is you who is asking these questions. Like others have said, probably 95% of the male population that is heterosexual will not be deterred at all that your wife is married, and probably most of them will look at that as a positive initially. No strings attached sex with a married woman is not something most men readily will walk away from.

And in NYC, I find it amazing that this is such a perplexing question for you, or her.

The big question is is she just looking for a good looking guy whose main qualification is a penis that works well or someone with an IQ in double digits as well.

So my suggestion as if it is or should be something she does not already know. Tell her to put on t girth short skirt and a sexy top and go to a happy hour at any upscale bar in NYC after work and my guess is she will have a potential "boyfriend" or whatever she is looking for in no time.

Good luck. Probably better if she does her own "hunting"

 

[IndieSolo]

I don't know why some people are jumping in threesnocrowd because he's asking the question and his wife isn't. He's been a member here for a long time and, in the past, there was a time or two when his wife also posted under his username (which is okay as long as each person identifies who is speaking). Threesnocrowd is a bit of a voyeur who enjoys watching his wife with her bf and has expressed interest/curiosity in hotwifery, so it makes sense that he is asking these questions.

He comes here also to talk about issues related to his wife having a bf (they recently celebrated their anniversary), and now wants to know ways she can meet another. He's stated what kind of guy his wife finds attractive, that they are looking for ways other than online (so telling him to try online doesn't really help), and that she doesn't want to go to a college bar, so I'm assuming she asked him to come here and post the question. I don't see what is so off-putting about that. From what I've read in his other posts, they do not live in NYC but near it, so may not be totally familiar with where to go.


TNC, your wife may want to look into Poly Cocktails which meets on the 2nd Monday of each month in NYC. You can get on the mailing list for it by visiting OpenLoveNY.com and signing up on their Contact page. They also hold monthly discussion groups which might also be a good place to meet someone. I believe those are usually on Sundays.

Another option for meeting people is meetup.com. You can pretty much search for any interest there and find a group. Some of them charge membership fees, or ask for donations at events, but most don't.

 

[Spork]

I did not catch the part where OP wanted suggestions BESIDES online, and I was going to suggest fetlife.

My questions were along the lines of whether she wants a relationship of any particular duration, or this was more of a kink thing for them both? I'm not judging if so, it's cool, was just gonna say that I do see lots of personal ads on the fetlife for young fellas looking for these kinds of arrangements.

It's a reasonably common kink no matter what end of it you're coming from.

Of course on fetlife there are also social events and I imagine there's a humongous scene in NY chock full of kinksters. But maybe OP has already explored this option.

?

 

[FallenAngelina]

TNC, your wife may want to look into Poly Cocktails which meets on the 2nd Monday of each month in NYC. You can get on the mailing list for it by visiting OpenLoveNY.com and signing up on their Contact page. They also hold monthly discussion groups which might also be a good place to meet someone. I believe those are usually on Sundays.

I'm friends with the organizer and several people that regularly attend. This past week, almost 300 people came so it's quite an amazing opportunity if anyone is ever in NYC. The guy who started this org is a total sweetheart and has a really good vibe.

 

[clemenC]

Has she tried meet-ups or hobbies (lessons or what have you) to let the universe do it's work?

I'm assuming she's not looking for a boyfriend for just fucking. And if so, then it makes sense that she should approach it like any other person (mono or poly) and if the right person is about, she then approaches the subject.

Maybe Poly meet-ups. I'm sure that's a thing if you live in a city of ample size.

JUST NOTED - I read the first page or so but haven't reset my settings so I believe I just repeated an already posted suggestion. Oops sorry. lol. It's either saying what it was or leaving a blank reply.