First time poly relationship

Re (from SEASONEDpolyAgain):
"Wow he said she is a swinger because her husbands aren't BFFs or having sex?"
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Uh yep, that would be a big yepperoni. Similar to my own household, apparently a V is not poly.

Re (from FallenAngelina):
"Aaaand, the PolyNatural website is now mysteriously gone."
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I can still get to the start of the interrelationship page, but I can't scroll through it. Seems we've struck a nerve.
 
A big yepperoni here too. My partner's other partner is introverted and I rarely see him, though we are friendly and polite when we do meet. I guess Pixi has been a swinger for 7 years! haha

Yepperoni! lol
 
vinsanity0 said:
Are you okay with being alone on your side of this particular issue? I've know people who are so into KTP that they wouldn't do it any other way, but they don't feel it's the only way. It's just the only way for them. Same for people like me who prefer parallel poly. I would never say that someone isn't poly because they don't do it the way I like to do it.
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I would really like to take this opportunity to clear-up any misconceptions, especially because I received a 2 point demerit because my post was interpreted as me claiming that my views are the only right ones, or something along those lines.

Firstly, the view I expressed above about not everyone agreeing on terms was from a popular polyamory resource and is therefore not "my view". I just happen to agree with it. I also thought we were all free to express our views here in a civil manner. I feel I've done that, even if it is contrary to other people's opinions.

I am completely fine with people having their own independent views, and I like hearing the reasons why they think the way they do, even if it is different than me. I am also fine with anyone challenging my views in a friendly and constructive way. It is how we can learn from each other.

I really didn't mean to offend anyone in the process. If there is a way that I could have better expressed it, I am open to suggestions. I don't want to get banned like the other poster you guys are talking about. Maybe I'll go have a look at those and see if I can figure out what I'm doing wrong.
 
I tried to go to the site that was linked for polynatural, but it says "This site can’t be reached." It doesn't look like it's there anymore. Anyway, maybe this site isn't for me. After all, Isn't punishing others for expressing their views enforcing your own form of true wayism? I quit a skeptics forum for the same reason. Unless you agreed with them you got the same treatment. It literally brought me to tears. I don't need to go through that again.
 
hedgehog said:
...the view I expressed above about not everyone agreeing on terms was from a popular polyamory resource and is therefore not "my view". I just happen to agree with it.
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I don’t think anyone disputes that different words might mean different things to different people. Most of us take that as a reason *not* to tell other people their ways of using certain words to identify themselves is wrong.

I also thought we were all free to express our views here in a civil manner. I feel I've done that
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You called our claims to poly identity unreasonable:
I don't personally see how anyone can reasonably claim they are in a polyamorous relationship if there are no interrelationships.
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You said “it seems like” we use the term to trick people into dating us:
To me it seems more like someone decided to make-up the term "parallel poly" to make it seem more acceptable to those who like to think of themselves as poly, but don't fit the criteria. This seems to happen a lot out there, especially on dating sites, where people I wouldn't think of as poly in a million years label themselves as poly just to get access to additional partners.
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You re-labeled our relationships with words that have very different implications to the ways we relate to our partners:
Personally, I don't have any moral problem with open relationships or swinging, so it's fine with me if that's what people are into. But you can count me as being on the other side of this particular issue where labeling is concerned. I trust that is okay. Or does everyone here have to agree all the time?
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This is not civil. It is invalidating and judging and offensive. Rejection and judgement is not what anyone here seeks in this community.

I am also fine with anyone challenging my views in a friendly and constructive way. It is how we can learn from each other.
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Then you might consider whether calling a large subset of a community unreasonable deceivers, then denying their expressed identity and labeling them with terms that would include them in literally no one else’s definitions is, in fact, friendly. You’re certainly *able* to come in and offend everyone with your “mere opinions” but don’t expect anyone to come to your defense when you feel made unwelcome. Because you are certainly not *welcome* to come into this community and thrash around with the harmful crap we all experience outside of this community and come here to process.

I do hope you get banned (again), or just go away. I don’t read any kind intent in your discussion.

This response, though directed to hedgehog, is primarily intended to validate the responses of the community. The posts were offensive, and we are right to expect civility.
 
FallenAngelina said:
Yes, I did.
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OK, good. Then I don't have to.

I hadn't read a lot of PolyNatural's posts, or the thread with their words that was linked in this thread. I found them pedantic and I didn't have the spoons to bother arguing when that thread was ongoing.

But I also find it so laughable that a V is not considered as "true poly" by PolyNatural/hedgehog, when most poly these days is more or less composed of Vs.

I could see in the very early, idealistic, hippie days of early polyamory, the idea of a big "poly family" around a big kitchen table, seemed to be what polyamory was all about. However, today it sounds like a commune, and I think we all know how seldom communes stay stable. One or two random bad tempered assholes or narcissistic abusers or "people who won't do dishes, and eat other people's food, and don't clean up after their pets," are invited in, and boom, the commune dissolves in a spectacular fashion.

My partner Pixi and I are both female and bi/pansexual. We live together. We used to like the idea of kitchen table poly. When I'd have a bf over, she'd often hang out with us and talk, maybe share a meal. I'd go have sex with the bf alone.

But many men can't help but see us as, at least a potential, package deal. They see getting with Pixi, as well as with me, as an erotic and exciting challenge gladly accepted. On more than one occasion, a bf of mine would attempt to put the moves on Pixi, sometimes even if she didn't want that and we had both used our words to tell him so. I'd say it happened with at least 5 or 6 different guys. Sometimes it would be the first time he came over, sometimes after months or even a year, when his NRE for me faded and he was looking for extra excitement.

I have had a few bfs who, even though they met and liked Pixi, were either not attracted to her, or respected our boundaries enough to act like gentlemen and not disgusting horndogs. But sadly, these men are more rare.

So, now we are wary of KTP altogether. The last few times I've had guys over, Pixi has stayed in another part of the house, or gone to her bf's place to keep away altogether.

If true poly means Pixi "must" be involved with my bf, deeply, romantically, domestically, and probably sexually, no wonder no one except PN/hedgehog believes that anymore.

It's like unless you're a unicorn hunter, you're not poly! Come on. Pixi and I don't even seek the same qualities in a partner.

And her bf is an introvert, with Einstein syndrome. He took years to even want Pixi to come to his place more than for one overnight a week. He took years to share food with her. He took years to go out on dates, or go to parties with her friends. He just wanted her, her sex, her submission and kink, her fond feelings, her conversation, her companionship on his couch and in his bed.

He doesn't want to come here and hang out with me. He doesn't much want me in his house either. He works long hours and he just wants Pixi for X hours a week. He doesn't want more than that of her, because he likes to be alone a lot.

Over the years, he has become more interested in seeing her more often, but it was extremely gradual. He doesn't want a pet, he doesn't want kids. He has a lot of books and plants. He hasn't even introduced her to his parents, because they are very judgmental and he doesn't want to bother with their opinions of Pixi and asking why they aren't getting married.

But I ID as polyamorous. Pixi does too. Maestro probably IDs as monogamous. I think we are all in a poly network. It's pretty simple.
 
SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
Wow he said she is a swinger because her husbands aren't BFFs or having sex?
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He's way off on swingers. Generally, swingers need to know the people their partners are having sex with at least enough to be comfortable. I've never known swingers to go off on their own. It's very much a couples sport. He's conflating swinging with open relationships. In this case he is confusing poly with an open relationship based on his limited view.
 
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