First ttime dealing with (possibly) unrequited love

Iferlyf

New member
So I've fallen for this girl. Hard. She was in a semi monogamous realtionship when I met her, but since her partner was transitioning from male to female the hormones screwed up the partner's libido, she was allowed to sleep around when it was getting too hard. So I had a threesome with her and my husband once :3 I realized my feelings for her after this, but I felt it before too.

She always had and overbooked schedule (mostly work and pathfinder/DnD games with very little free time), so I don't see her very often, but I'd say that we're friends. She is also my husband's friend (and he also has a crush on her, but for longer than me and had time to learn how to deal with it).

She had been in a triad before with that trans partner and another girl, but it didn't work out. She and the partner are still friend with her though. I've read in one of her comments (I'm not stalking her, I just came across it randomly) that she believes that polyamory can work, but that it's not working for her, but it's possible that she meant that it wouldn't work with her current partner (who isn't very mature emotionally and has narcissistic traits). Or maybe I'm just grasping at straws...

My husband saw her yesterday, and she's no longer with the trans partner. Even though I tried to stay rational my hopes of being with her went through the roof... until I learned that she has already gotten into a new relationship. Talk about a big crash.

So now I'm feeling salty about it. I'm handling it maturely though, didn't lash out at her (never even told her how I feel), not holding a grudge and I'm trying to divert myself from it. My husband is very supportive too. But I'm in a rough place right now :(


I already have an idea of what I want to do (try to get a closer friendship with her, in part because it might make it more likely that it will develop into something else, but also because she is awesome so I would like to be friends with her, even if it doesn't go anywhere else. Her schedule seems to be losening up a little so that might be possible), so I'm not really looking for advice, but if you have any, go ahead. I think I just needed to vent and maybe get some support. If you had similar experiences, feel free to talk about it, too.
 
Unrequited love/crushes suck, don't they. Especially when the advice is usually, "go ahead and tell the person" BUT then they might stop all contact and you're left with nothing at all, which is the complete opposite of what you want. It's scary territory. Also, having been on the other side of things - having someone who loves me that I don't love back - it's understandable to want to break all contact. I've done it once when that person was making every attempt to insert themselves further into my life than I ever wanted as well as sabotage other relationships I had, but another person I've kept at arm's length but still in my life. Either way, unrequited love is bloody tough. I see my crush start new relationships and think, "why not me??!!!" but then I just focus on enjoying what we have and how we do enjoy each other's company. I hope you can get some time in her overbooked schedule now and then, but I've found with such people you really have to be proactive about it.

All the best
Evie
 
Well turns out she isn't in a relationship, just seeing a guy :D But I was wondering if it was ok to try and flirt a little even if she was in a relationship (as long as it doesn't seem to bother her of course!)
 
I guess it really depends on how much it would bother her. If it won't, then great, flirt away. If she would find it disrespectful since she's seeing someone even if they aren't in a relationship, then no. If there's way more grey area than that, then you'll just have to trust your gut.
 
Hi Iferlyf,

Since she's just seeing the guy, I would think it would be okay to flirt a little, just be careful that it's not annoying her or anything. I can't tell whether she has feelings for you, it's possible she does but not as much as you have for her. Remember too, feelings can change over time. Just follow your heart, and trust your instincts. It's possible that if you tell her how you feel, she will surprise you and express similar feelings. Love is always a gamble!

Sincere regards,
Kevin T.
 
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