So I'm in a poly V with my boyfriend of two and a half years and his primary partner.
In much of their life, they are Very Very Closeted. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I will never meet my beloved's family (which is made somewhat easier by them being in a different country and not particularly close, but still hurts.)
We socialise with some of my metamour's work colleagues, who don't know (or don't "officially" know) we're poly. When they're around I'm not allowed to kiss, touch, speak too often to or even look at my partner in the wrong way. It wears me down and I hate it. I'm not allowed to even be anywhere near anyone connected to my partner's work.
This weekend, we were hanging out with them for a whole day (SERIOUS drain on my mental health,) and then I was unceremoniously ditched in the evening so Partner and Metamour could go out with someone I'm not allowed to meet. Anyway, while we were playing games I was sitting next to my partner and apparently I was too close or something, and the colleagues have commented on me being "clingy" or something to that effect. Even leaving when Partner and Metamour did - for something as totally innocuous as getting a ride home - is being construed as "outing." So now Metamour thinks they know everything.
I feel like the dirty little secret, and it's breaking my heart.
Worse, I feel like if Metamour has any work-related problems ever, I'm now going to be blamed for them.
What can I do? What am I supposed to do? I've had enough. I'm crying just typing this.
Please don't advise "just come out," as that isn't my decision to make. And please, please don't presume to suggest I end my relationship, nothing could be further from my mind.
-- Amaranth.xx
In much of their life, they are Very Very Closeted. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I will never meet my beloved's family (which is made somewhat easier by them being in a different country and not particularly close, but still hurts.)
We socialise with some of my metamour's work colleagues, who don't know (or don't "officially" know) we're poly. When they're around I'm not allowed to kiss, touch, speak too often to or even look at my partner in the wrong way. It wears me down and I hate it. I'm not allowed to even be anywhere near anyone connected to my partner's work.
This weekend, we were hanging out with them for a whole day (SERIOUS drain on my mental health,) and then I was unceremoniously ditched in the evening so Partner and Metamour could go out with someone I'm not allowed to meet. Anyway, while we were playing games I was sitting next to my partner and apparently I was too close or something, and the colleagues have commented on me being "clingy" or something to that effect. Even leaving when Partner and Metamour did - for something as totally innocuous as getting a ride home - is being construed as "outing." So now Metamour thinks they know everything.
I feel like the dirty little secret, and it's breaking my heart.
Worse, I feel like if Metamour has any work-related problems ever, I'm now going to be blamed for them.
What can I do? What am I supposed to do? I've had enough. I'm crying just typing this.
Please don't advise "just come out," as that isn't my decision to make. And please, please don't presume to suggest I end my relationship, nothing could be further from my mind.
-- Amaranth.xx