Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Bluebird

Well-known member
OMG My Bad Dragon dildo arrived today! Y’all, we were thinking it would be here in a MONTH. Wrong! It’s a good size - small was definitely a nice start, for me at least. I am unsure about the medium firmness - they come in soft, medium and firm - and I thought that would be the best option. It has a suction cup base so it stands tall (7”), but it’s definitely softer than I anticipated. Like, I don’t think it’d be good for anal. I mean, I didn’t get it for that purpose, but...

I’m super excited to try it out though! Lol Tune in tomorrow for a review! Based on the looks though, it’s even prettier in person!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Feeling down today. I just ate breakfast and took a shower, but it didn’t help. It’s almost 11, so that means I need to start filling the Box. Today two of our cats (Milton & ColePorter) have their annual vet visit, but that’s not until the evening. It’ll be a busy night because I gotta do that and then go shopping for Fresh Food Friday so I will be ready for it tomorrow.

Blah. I just feel unloved and alone today, but I am trying to tell my brain that’s a false statement. For some reason though, I keep traveling back to like every time in my life that I lost friendships (whether I ended them, or others ended them) or felt marginalized. Time to breathe and get today going!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
MisterMoonbeam and I went out to dinner last night. I was feeling stir crazy, and we had a good time together at the hibachi restaurant that I love. Afterward, I ran in to the grocery store and bought a bunch of stuff for Fresh Food Friday. I haven’t hosted that since November - we’ve been closed every Friday! I am happy to have this started back up.

We still haven’t had time to break in my new Bad Dragon. We had talked about it last night but after dinner and shopping, we were both exhausted and ready to sleep. However, it seems we were both working at cross-purposes, because we were both willing to put out for the other, but neither of us picked up on that idea! When we shut the light out at 11:30 pm, we both realized it and we had a big laugh and some snuggles!

DarkKnight was having issues with his cough last night, so he stayed home. He finished both courses of the steroid and the antibiotic, about a week past now. I told him to WRITE TO HIS DOCTOR last night - again - and he finally sent the message. I am hoping he gets a call this morning and they prescribe him something else. It still sounds pretty bad, though he says he feels it is more productive.

Tonight the plan is to play some Gloomhaven: Jaws of the Lion. We skipped last week due to DarkKnight not feeling well. Honestly, we might skip tonight too. I know it’s only ass o’clock in the morning, but I am already tired! I have two moms picking up baby stuff this morning (high chair, bouncy seat, side sleeper, prop n play) and whenever I give away produce, my visitor count goes way up. It’s supposed to maybe rain though, and if that happens, it’ll be a slow day instead. I would love one of those!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Noooooo! I woke up to my period today. I cannot properly express how bummed I am - I wanna play with my new dildo! 😢😢 I guess instead I get to let that desire build. Sigh. I am not going to complain too much though, because my cramps right now are kicking my ass. Gah!

I have plans today - I am going to go over to the Dollar Store and look for some larger bins to use in our stand up freezer, which is almost completely empty at the moment. I have almost $600 in grocery gift cards that I haven’t used yet, so I also plan to hit some places and stock that sucker full for the Blessing Box. Very excited to get that done! I also am planning on hosting a taco meal giveaway next week, so I will be soliciting donations for that, probably tomorrow. I also need to do our shopping for the week.

I’m still in bed this morning, but DarkKnight is in the shower, so I am waiting for him to finish up. I should probably go upstairs and find some Advil.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I helped MisterMoonbeam clear out and organize the two closets in his bedroom tonight. The one has been stuffed full of boxes for the last six months, and he was really dreading everything but we got it done. Most of the stuff he donated and he really couldn’t believe he hadn’t thrown stuff out yet! I helped him clean some of the bedroom itself too, but it mostly just wiping down stuff and moving dirty clothes to the laundry room.

It was emotional for me at two points though and I wanted to write about them, though I guess I can chalk it up to my period - a little bit.

First was while cleaning, I pulled out a bottle of vodka from the bottom of his nightstand. It was open, and about 1/3 gone. I seriously just looked at it in shock for a minute, and then started crying. It was seriously a flashback to PunkRock, and I didn’t know what to do with the sudden emotions it stirred up.

MisterMoonbeam was very apologetic, saying he had moved it into his bedroom when BugGirl had a boyfriend staying here and he didn’t trust that guy not to start pilfering the liquor. Then he just never moved it out. He said he hadn’t had any of it to drink while it was in the bedroom, and that he didn’t even really like vodka, honest.

It was like I was hearing him through a fog, and there was this rushing in my ears like a “wahhm wahhm wahhm.” I did believe everything he said - he isn’t a drinker and he isn’t a liar - but at the same time it was like everything in me had locked up and I COULDN’T believe him. I can’t explain it. I honestly felt like dying right there on the spot would be easier than dealing with the overwhelming rush of remembering all of the times PunkRock had hidden his drinking and I had found alcohol or smelled alcohol or suspected alcohol. It was like, I didn’t understand why this was happening again. I felt extreme confusion, and hurt, and like throwing up, all at once.

I just sat for a minute, explained a little bit of what I was feeling to MisterMoonbeam, caught my breath and then continued on. I think I handled it okay, though it was really terrible for a few minutes.

The second time that I felt emotional was when we were finished, and sitting on the bed looking at MisterMoonbeam’s dresser. Right now all of his socks are on top of it, as his sock drawer is instead full of my dildos and vibrators. I need to move them to a different location, but we decided to stop for the night and deal with them tomorrow. We were talking about what was in the other drawers, and I remarked that the bottom drawer was shorts, and MisterMoonbeam said yeah, that drawer was good for things not used often, and hey, maybe we could move all the sex toys there.

I was like, are you for real saying that right now? Do you even want to have sex with me at all? Jesus. He thought he was making a joke, but it hurt. I got over that even faster, as it was clear he was laughing. It was a sore spot though.

I’m sensitive AF when I’m on my period, but the first instance was the worst.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I finally had one of my 3 Musketeers over yesterday for volunteering and we got a lot done together! She’s coming back over today. Another of my Musketeers has Covid. She was in the hospital in early January and that’s probably where she got it. I haven’t seen any of my ladies since right before Christmas, and that was briefly to exchange gifts on the porch. Gah!

My ex husband (father to BugGirl and my son) messaged last night to tell me his father died from Covid. His dad was always a nice guy. It sucks.

Today is my mom’s birthday, and tomorrow my youngest will be 23. Time goes so quickly!

We emptied out MisterMoonbeam’s van yesterday. It is now unregistered and it won’t pass inspection because of a warning light. He plans to sell it and buy a new vehicle - that’s why we are focusing on clearing out his storage unit, to take the money spent there and put it toward a car payment - so it was good to have the van emptied out finally. One step forward!

We have all been talking about Valentine plans for February, and I now have 2 anniversaries in March! DarkKnight and I like to go to tea houses together, so we decided to make our own “Queen’s Tea” at home for Valentines. We have recipes from our favorite local tea house and I am going to look up some of the sandwich ideas over the next couple of days. I am SUPER excited about it! We are not sure about our anniversary. It will be 15 years married for us. On our 10th we took a sleeper car on a train and spent the week in Atlanta. We won’t be doing anything like that right now! Gotta think of something though.

MisterMoonbeam wants to do another escape room together, so I think that will be our Valentine’s Day plans. Not sure where yet. Gotta do some online checking to see what rooms are open. For our anniversary in March, we are talking about going to the Poconos. There’s a kitschy hotel that has a two story champagne glass bathtub AND a heart-shaped hot tub in the room! Maybe a long weekend? Go up Friday, come home Sunday? Thinking about it.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
do you refer to ur "partners" as musketeers lol
Um, no. Those are the main volunteers for the grassroots service organization that I run. Please, if you’re going to comment on my journal, at least read my journal.

I’ve asked for your posts to be removed for swearing at other people here. It’s rude and I don’t appreciate it.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Whoo hoo! Finally got a chance to break in my first dildo from Bad Dragon - MisterMoonbeam bought me a small Ridley with a medium firmness. Neither of us had any previous experience with Bad Dragon, other than it came highly recommended and it was expensive!

I was disappointed when we went to order last week, as they were still closed at that time for custom orders. I had to pick from a list of what was available and in stock. (I had been hoping for a Clayton medium/medium in a specific color set.) Ridley was not my first or even fourth choice, but the color scheme looked amazing on screen, and it was small/medium so I figured it was a good starter.

Well, first off, the color was even more gorgeous in person - the transition between each shade was wonderful. 10/10 on that! The ridges looked very well defined and it was really just a gorgeous dildo!

The size was not what I was hoping for - the word “small” made me worried, but the website says smalls are around 7 inches long, with about 5 1/2 of it being useable dong. So I quickly got over that! I was absolutely able to take it all the way to the base, though the knot was interesting. It definitely needed to be worked in, and it hurt in a good, stretched out way. The circumference is listed as 6.25 inches, and I’m thinking that is the widest point around the knot. I didn’t measure it myself though. I am interested in getting a “medium” in the future, as I originally wanted to try, but I don’t think that the “small” was bad at all!

The base on my Ridley is actually a suction cup, and it sticks really well to just about anything. I didn’t use it solo though, so I can’t recommend it for that yet. Honestly, I think it might be difficult, as the “medium” firmness is not very firm at all! It’s definitely a jelly sort of floppy quality, and I can’t imagine trying to stuff this thing in from a squatting position without some trouble and a lot of lube at first. Medium would be impossible for me for anal, I think.

That said, with MisterMoonbeam working it like a champ, we soon had things slip-sliding in and out of my vagina and it was a good feel. Pulling it out at an angle REALLY had the ridges feeling good on me.

Overall, I am happy with the purchase. We are already planning our next buy - either a small or medium Chance in “firm.” I am hoping for something to go in my butt! I also wanna try a medium/firm Orochi - I like the look of it!

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Frankie

Member
Whoo hoo! Finally got a chance to break in my first dildo from Bad Dragon - MisterMoonbeam bought me a small Ridley with a medium firmness. Neither of us had any previous experience with Bad Dragon, other than it came highly recommended and it was expensive!

I was disappointed when we went to order last week, as they were still closed at that time for custom orders. I had to pick from a list of what was available and in stock. (I had been hoping for a Clayton medium/medium in a specific color set.) Ridley was not my first or even fourth choice, but the color scheme looked amazing on screen, and it was small/medium so I figured it was a good starter.

Well, first off, the color was even more gorgeous in person - the transition between each shade was wonderful. 10/10 on that! The ridges looked very well defined and it was really just a gorgeous dildo!

The size was not what I was hoping for - the word “small” made me worried, but the website says smalls are around 7 inches long, with about 5 1/2 of it being useable dong. So I quickly got over that! I was absolutely able to take it all the way to the base, though the knot was interesting. It definitely needed to be worked in, and it hurt in a good, stretched out way. The circumference is listed as 6.25 inches, and I’m thinking that is the widest point around the knot. I didn’t measure it myself though. I am interested in getting a “medium” in the future, as I originally wanted to try, but I don’t think that the “small” was bad at all!

The base on my Ridley is actually a suction cup, and it sticks really well to just about anything. I didn’t use it solo though, so I can’t recommend it for that yet. Honestly, I think it might be difficult, as the “medium” firmness is not very firm at all! It’s definitely a jelly sort of floppy quality, and I can’t imagine trying to stuff this thing in from a squatting position without some trouble and a lot of lube at first. Medium would be impossible for me for anal, I think.

That said, with MisterMoonbeam working it like a champ, we soon had things slip-sliding in and out of my vagina and it was a good feel. Pulling it out at an angle REALLY had the ridges feeling good on me.

Overall, I am happy with the purchase. We are already planning our next buy - either a small or medium Chance in “firm.” I am hoping for something to go in my butt! I also wanna try a medium/firm Orochi - I like the look of it!

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I love my Bad Dragon purchases, they are awesome quality, we haven't been disappointed yet. I think the first two we bought, we had them surprise us with the color, which is kind of fun. They are absolutely the best for bigger sizes, expensive, but totally worth it. We've had a few for 4-5 years, and they are just as good as when we first got them. Have fun picking the next one!!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Lots of in-home stuff to handle today. Paperwork for Olivia’s thyroid removal tomorrow, the last bits of laundry taken from MisterMoonbeam’s storage unit are in the wash now, and I spent a bit of time bagging up diapers and laundry pods for the Blessing Box. I’m waiting for BugGirl to come over to scoop cat litter, wash the kitchen floor and probably clean out the extra fridge. I’m tired today, but I am getting stuff done.

I am missing my DarkKnight this afternoon, but he will be home soon from work. I just want to hug him - sometimes I just think about him and how snuggly he is and I need his hugs!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I had a fun bedtime encounter with DarkKnight last night. Oh I love my big sexy man! He was all sorts of determined to bang the brat out of me, which he did quite thoroughly! I was concerned about his breathing though, as he is still slightly congested. He had to take a break from doggy style but we found another position to enjoy. 😆

Today is my day off, and MisterMoonbeam has no work as well. We’ve had a busy day so far, however, as our schedule is FULL. I had to take DarkKnight to work, then pick up MisterMoonbeam and take Olivia to the vet for her thyroidectomy. (It looks like that’s going to cost us around $630, which is well worth it to cure her cancer!) We had a Cracker Barrel gift card, so MisterMoonbeam and I went there together for breakfast. The restaurant was completely empty, so it felt extremely self. I wonder how these places are staying in business!

Afterward, we went to his credit union, my bank, and dropped off clothing I couldn’t use at the Blessing Box. We are home taking a nap (well, resting at least) until we feel like having lunch and heading over to his storage unit to move more items out.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
Tired today. I’m bumming it in my pajamas, as it’s cold outside and I have no reason to go out. I tried reading another book on nonprofits, but it was incomprehensible. Seriously, it was so badly written that I quit after a few pages. Being on the Kindle app doesn’t help if it’s nonsense!

I then switched to writing my vision and mission statements, but I feel like my brain in mush, so they aren’t very good. I don’t have a time limit so I am glad of that! I also played around with different names, but the ones I like, I don’t really LOVE, so I guess I will continue to brainstorm.

I reached out to a friend who does website construction and graphic design work, to get some pricing ideas for my organization. I had several people reach out to me over the last few days, offering to be on my board of directors. So that has been nice.

Yesterday I posted up some of MisterMoonbeam’s extra furniture in his storage unit, so this afternoon he will be meeting people there to give it out. We took two carloads of boxes to our house and moved them into the van for safekeeping - he and DarkKnight are going to empty those out today as well. I’ve already seen some new cookbooks make their way into the kitchen!
 

Evie

Well-known member
I hope the surgery was successful!
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
It was! Olivia is eating well and being lovey, as usual. She is hiding underneath the dresser a lot though - she will come out to give us snuggles, but if she gets startled, she runs away and hides. This isn’t exactly a new behavior, but it is much more frequent.

The incision looks clean, but she is wearing a sock around her neck to cover it for the next few days. We think that is probably adding to her distress. DarkKnight gave her another dose of pain meds this morning, so we don’t think she’s hurting much right now. She has to return in 4-6 weeks for more bloodwork, to make sure things are returning to normal - her liver function was wonky because of the tumor. It should all work out now though!

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Bluebird

Well-known member
Some days I just don’t wanna.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I wore a new shirt yesterday, which was fun because I bought it immediately when I saw it, because we were planning on playing the Oregon Trail board game that evening.

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I had MisterMoonbeam take the picture before I forgot for my Apocalypse Photo Album on Facebook, so my hair was wet from the shower. I wanted to share so y’all could see that my hair is once again getting long. There’s just a little bit of dye left on the ends - my next trip to the hairdresser will have me all natural. After that, I don’t know, to be honest. It’s now been a year since my last color appointment, and I really do miss being a redhead. I do like the white though, so I am torn over what to do!

I am working on budgeting this morning but I am giving up at the moment because my volunteer will be here soon and then it will be time to focus on my Blessing Box donations. Not that there’s an issue with budgeting - I am just making lists of home repair and remodel that will be happening in February. We are finally going to get the tile floor put in the sunporch (goodbye ancient carpeting!) and I still need to buy new blinds and rewrap the cat tree. Less than $350 total. Like, why isn’t this done yet??
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I have a phone call meeting with a long time friend scheduled for early this afternoon to talk about my soon-to-be nonprofit and creating a website. I run 100% of everything through my Facebook page, but once I file for the 501c3, I need to start setting up legitimacy. So, that means a website. She is a graphic artist and she designs sites as her full time gig, so she’s got mad skills and knowledge. I want to see what she feels is important for us to highlight online, and I need to be able to set a budget as to how much stuff will cost. So, this will be a start!

I have definitely had anxiety lately about the entire process, but this morning I woke up excited. This part doesn’t seem scary. :)
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
A friend set me off the other day. I was up late, talking more to MisterMoonbeam because of that. I still haven’t changed my name - I legally still have PunkRock’s last name as my middle name - and this is really bothering me. I’m going to file to get it changed soon, maybe April? For a long time I was thinking of changing it to Ruth, after Ruth Bader Ginsburg, but I am pretty sure now I am set on making my middle name Hope.

Anyway, a couple of days ago a friend messaged me asking me what my name was on TikTok, because she had a friend request and was wondering if it was me (it wasn’t). I told her no, my middle name was still stuck to PunkRock, and she jokingly asked if I was changing it to MisterMoonbeam’s last name. When I told her I was going to make it Hope, she combined Hope with MisterMoonbeam’s last name - like HopeBeam.

It bothered me though, and I told her that we weren’t married or even engaged. She told me that she didn’t know how it worked for poly people, but that she thinks MisterMoonbeam is 100% the marrying type and that I probably would get a proposal soon.

It honestly put me out of sorts. So I spent a good part of the day in a depressive funk thinking about this, just generally feeling low and uncertain. That meant I wanted to process some of my feelings with MisterMoonbeam. Number one being that I loved him, wanted a future with him, and that he is giving me sort of a split response whenever we talk about the future.

Every single action he takes solidifies things around here. He is all in on projects, he’s working on his finances so we can purchase property together next year, he’s steadily emptying his storage unit and getting rid of all of the overlap he has with our household. Like pots and pans, furniture, art. Stuff he would use in a place if he went off solo. But yet, when talking about concrete plans, he is noncommittal. So since my friend was certain, it threw me off.

After talking again with MisterMoonbeam, we both agree that his verbal communication is poor. He says he’d rather not say anything because he’s so mixed up and really can’t commit to anything in his head.

I think this is accurate. He’s a mess still in a lot of ways. I told him I would feel more secure if he knew what he wanted, and that not making a decision but going along for the ride is still a choice. Either way, I am here for him, but I can’t wait for him to make a firm decision - I HAVE to move forward with my nonprofit plans and those choices will absolutely effect EVERYTHING further down the line. He understands this.

Anyway, the name discussion morphed into property talks, with then switched to talking about poly and what dating may look like in the future. We talked about going to cons and to the Baltimore Playhouse together. I dunno. It was a good conversation, and I think we both ended it feeling very positive, but I am still feeling insecure about some things.

That said, that doesn’t really matter. Moving forward is still my mantra, and though everything that is happening around here has a ripple effect, I am making choices that further my goals, my dreams and my wishes. I’ve got to put myself first right now, and hope that we stay compatible. He says we will because he doesn’t know what he wants right now.

That was all a couple of days ago now. Yesterday we went out to dinner downtown and we were looking at buildings as we went by. When seated at the restaurant I looked at a few on a real estate app and I was shocked at the prices ($300,000 or less). Definitely doable! MisterMoonbeam said he was interested in maybe owning a building - we could have the shop on the street on the main floor, and then live in some of the apartments above. We talked about not having a yard.

Anyway, yeah. I have to say that I am content for as to where things are in our relationship. I know he loves me lots, and I too care for him. We don’t plan to split up at all, and he’s along for the ride with the changes coming up. As much as I am focusing on moving forward, I am comfortable where we are at.
 
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