Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

[Bluebird]

Oof.

I have less than a month before the PA Ren Faire, and yesterday I was feeling positive about my garb options. I came up with two ideas to choose between - either a monochrome silver/gray look or a bright teal & hot pink combo.




Well, first I tried on everything in the gray group and I actually kind of liked it, but not for the Ren Faire! Instead, I immediately felt like the outfit would be perfect for the Frost Faerie dance in February, at Mythicon. The corset didn’t fit right (of course!) so that will need to be replaced. My silver blouse was actually comically oversized, so I will need a new one for that as well. I’m fairly hopeful that silver will pop up in a weekly Hourglass sale before then, so I am not stressed about these too much.

However, I decided to see how my new teal corset was looking with my items, and omg it didn’t fit either! I was immediately bummed out. I literally just bought it! It’s a size 37-39, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. In a panic, I tried on my new iridescent paisley wench corset and yeah, it didn’t fit either! It’s a size 36-38.



The sadness I felt was pretty intense. Fuck. These are gorgeous and not easy to find to trade or buy for at all.

I have a new Vixen corset (with a skirt & apron) arriving today - the one set I bought for the Masks of Mischief dance in September. Thankfully I ordered it in a 34-36, thinking at the time that I would probably lose weight and that would fit best in about a month. (The dance is on Sept 14.) Now I’m hoping it will still fit by then, omg.

I did go back and check the sizing last night on the Vixen I wore to Key City Steampunk this past weekend, and it was marked as a 35-37. I felt like that it was a solid fit.

I’m hoping that my friend who is a seamstress can tackle altering these next month. She just started a new job so she told me to hit her up in a couple of weeks. She’s never tried to do sizing on corsets like these before, but she is experienced with upholstery fabric and has the equipment to try. I’m going to give her a couple - one of my Wenches and one of my cropped Vixens - to see if she can make them work for me.

In the meantime, I’m going to be scouring the reselling Facebook pages to see what is available in my new sizes that I could swap for! There are a few things I’ve had my eye on, but those owners are looking for sales - not trades - and I don’t have the funds to buy more right now, unfortunately. A wench usually costs $100 and a Vixen is $200. These aren’t small purchases!

 

[Bluebird]

I did a quick try-on of my new Oktoberfest outfit and I love it! I bought the outfit because I wanted the corset, but I actually like the entire thing!

The shirt I already own, and it’s too big. This weekend I think I will buy 3 or 4 tops if I can manage it. They’re really a foundation that needs to fit right or everything looks sloppy!

The straps on the corset need to be tied in the back (it’s a Greta style) so they’re not tight where they should be, but they will when I wear it for real. This corset is a 34-36 and I feel like it fits me alllllllmost. I think if I wear it around the house for a bit, it should be able to pull closed maybe a half inch more. Anyway, it works! I love the apron and I am now planning to attend the Oktoberfest next month in Frederick, the next city over. Their website says if you’re dressed for it, entrance is free!

I did some more trading yesterday; a reseller did a video chat with me so she could show me some skirts she was looking to swap. Here’s what I did:


I traded a set of ruffles and an elf hat for two of her skirts! I’m hoping they match what I have. We’ll see when they arrive! I wrapped up my items into a shipping box and DarkKnight took it to work to send it out on his way home tonight.

I also straight-up bought a Vixen corset in the iridescent paisley that I love. The wench that doesn’t fit me was such a bummer - I am excited to get one that will look good. I’m still looking for a copper skirt to match, as so far I haven’t had much luck. The Damsel in this Dress sale on Thursday looks to be all muted greens, so nothing new from there this week!

I spent most of my day yesterday deep cleaning my bedroom reading nook. I took down all of the curtains and washed the rugs. I hurt myself lifting the hanging chair to move it. I literally felt something inside me go SHARP. I don’t know how else to describe it, but it wasn’t good. I could actually feel a hard ?round? thing inside my abdomen after - I had DarkKnight touch it and it freaked him out as much as it did me. Anyway, I’m taking it easy today!

 

[Bluebird]

Today I received the petite wench corset and pair of black bracers I traded/purchased. I’m still not 100% on how I feel about the petite - the length is shorter than I am used to wearing.



I have ordered a solid navy skirt to wear under the silver one shown here, but I am not sure about a blouse. I happened to be wearing the shirt shown here; it isn’t a Ren Faire item! But it was very clear to me that I need a color other than navy to get the corset to pop! I have a crushed velvet top in silver but unfortunately it no longer fits me. I did some searching but couldn’t find anything that I liked enough to buy yet.

Today I was sad. I dislike being home alone and it’s been two days in a row, plus I’m home with no car! TheEngineer offered to come over but I told him no. I was feeling pretty worthless as my abdomen was still having twinges. The weather was so nice - I was also feeling sorry for myself because I wished I could go hiking. I have felt like I’ve lost a part of myself, not being able to be in the woods.

The guys and I are halfway through The Acolyte. I’ve been slowly watching an episode or two of Catfish but I’m not interested in doing a marathon. I have it playing in the background.

Tomorrow I’m going to work on the State of the Union meeting. I want to do it by the end of August.

 

[Bluebird]

Ugh. I’m still in bed and it’s almost noon. I hate this.

MisterMoonbeam gave me my shot late last night, but either way I would still be feeling nauseous right now. Gah! Mounjaro just leaves me feeling ill for the first day or so afterward. I don’t wanna move and I don’t wanna eat. I just need to lay still.

I did get up at 5 am today and DarkKnight brought me a scrambled egg and some blueberries, with a slice of low carb toast. I ate everything but only half the toast. I also had a Fairlife Core Power strawberry banana shake. That’s way more than I have been eating at one time!

I need to shower today, and I need to empty all of the cat litter. I fired my kids from coming over and doing it anymore. MisterMoonbeam has taken that chore back over but he’s been driving into the office the last 3 days so I am handling it. He gets home late and is just exhausted from the commute! I don’t want him having to worry about cat poop. lol But now I’m really not looking forward to doing it!

I know I said I wanted to work on the State of the Union today but I’m not feeling it. Maybe later.

 

[Bluebird]

So last night was terrifying.



My glucose dropped to 52! This has never, ever happened before, and I still have no idea why.

I had to try and correct it twice - first I had two snack sized Hershey bars, which bumped me to 121, but then after 20 minutes it started to fall again, so then I had some orange juice.

MisterMoonbeam went to CVS and brought home some glucose tablets - which I didn’t end up needing to take - as well as a finger stick monitor. My reading there matched what my arm sensor said, so it was good to have verification that shit was really going down.

After the fact, we remembered I was allergic to citrus. My mouth was mushy from the OJ. Sigh. At least it didn’t effect the glucose correction!

I’m all better now, but I was really shaken up by the alarm that my phone set off, and the experience of not knowing why something was happening. This morning I woke to a stable 124. This is actually low for me as my average is 140. I’ll take it though!



I paid $1711 this morning as our deposit on getting the roof repair started. The owner of the company (it’s a small LLC) called me immediately and said he wanted to schedule me for Saturday, but since it looks like rain they might try to get a crew out tomorrow! Wow! I’m impressed so far. He said he has large projects coming up and he wants to shift me to first to knock the job out.

That’s fine with me!

Today was also my first time using my upgraded Yeti tumbler. My dietician suggested using a straw to attempt to get my daily water allotment done easier, so I bought a lid with a straw that fits my already existing travel mug.



She wasn’t kidding! I drank it so fast! Right now we still have hard water and I hate the taste of it, so I’m dumping a refrigerated plastic bottle of water into my tumbler. I was researching under-sink filters but this morning I decided it’s not worth the hassle of drilling a hole in the counter and having to worry about leaks.

We are planning on installing a whole-house water filtration system next year with some of our taxes, so I don’t want to have any anxiety with potential issues for just a few months. A friend suggested getting a faucet filter but since then I’d need to add ice that isn’t filtered to it to get cold enough - I just don’t see the point. I think I will do okay with what we have so far. If February comes around and we don’t want to install the whole-house filter then, we will revisit the idea. When we had the plumber out recently though, they recommended we get the house filter because all of our pipes are showing calcification.

Today I have therapy at 12:30 pm, so I will be showering soon. I’m going to go out and buy a large dehumidifier for the finished part of the basement afterward. We are still discussing as to whether we are going to do the crawlspace encasement this Fall, so we are going to attempt to do a cheaper improvement now. I already have two large air purifiers working downstairs - plus a smaller one in MisterMoonbeam’s office - but humidity has been the main issue driving the smell, I think. We will see!

 

[Bluebird]

Just got dressed. I need new bras. I went from a 46 DDD to a 42D. I think I’m now a C cup. I want my boobies back! I need to schedule time to go get fitted.

 

[Bluebird]

Excited! I got the green skirt I traded for in the mail today, and it matches my chartreuse wench corset perfectly! I ordered a new beige blouse that will hopefully fit okay. It will be here on Tuesday.



I also bought a four-part “cicada” headpiece from Etsy. I am in love and I hope it looks just like the picture. It will be great with this outfit!



Tonight DarkKnight and I are out downtown at the local Black Box to see “You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown.” One of our D&D partners is in it, as well as several of DarkKnight’s theater friends.



We had dinner in the mall (Mission BBQ) so I could shop for some earrings. There’s a local artist pop-up there, and I bought a cute pair of white flower earrings from them. There was also a Paparazzi seller in the middle of the hallway, so I bought two other pairs from her. I also got some foaming hand soap at Bath & Body Works since they were on sale for $2.95 each.

 

[Bluebird]

I’m anxious today as my biopsy is in two hours. I know it doesn’t really matter - more than likely I’m having my thyroid removed, regardless of whether the one nodule is cancerous or not. It hurts to swallow and my voice has turned gravelly. The thyroid isn’t working as it should anymore and it’s likely the cause of a lot of my insulin resistance. But I don’t want another surgery. I don’t want the pain and fear from that again. I was supposed to be in recovery and doing well!

I also don’t want the throat pain today. They said I should expect 4 needles in my neck to pull out different samples. It’s supposed to be quick and the pain will be afterward when the numbing wears off. I guess I will be spending the afternoon in bed, watching episodes of Catfish? DarkKnight took the entire day off of work, even though I told him it wasn’t necessary. I’m glad though.

More garb update - the Moresca shimmer shirt arrived and it looks FABULOUS with my new hooded Vixen. The iridescent paisley is such a pain to match but omg when you get it right!



Right now the only skirt I have that sort of works is a brown pintuck tulip, but I scored a bronze/brown/green crescent skirt yesterday for $90. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it arrives by the weekend, and that it works okay!



I listed more of my oversized pieces for sale/trade and got a bite right away on my black vixen. I decided to trade it and another corset for a matching set that includes a vixen, a collar, sleeves and bracers.


The black vixen I bought for like $70 - I honestly don’t think I wore it more than once, in spite of it being such a staple sort of color. It never fit right and it felt used. lol I don’t know how to describe it better than that! Honestly, it’s ridiculous on me now as I can overlap the grommets - I can’t wear it at all! To trade it for a brand new corset makes me happy!

The person trading was willing to do the entire set for just the Vixen corset but I told her I wouldn’t feel right doing that, so I included my “Romantic Stroll” corset as well. I mean, the accessory pieces are expensive! Sleeves are generally $130, bracers are $65 and a collar maybe $80? Yeah, since I got this corset as a gift from my ex-bestie, this is a steal!

I only wore it once - to the Virginia Ren Faire last year. I did like it lots though. I would buy it again if I could find it in my new size, but not anytime soon. Lol It’s definitely too large on me now, so out it goes!

 

[Bluebird]

That was fucking traumatic.

The biopsy is complete and it wasn’t too horribly painful. I’m home and back in pajamas now, icing my neck every 20 minutes. I popped some Tylenol and I’m resting and trying not to cry. My anxiety is worse.

The radiologist was amazing. I was calm through most of the procedure but I did start crying silent tears halfway through, and my breathing became erratic. I tried my best to calm myself and succeeded. Now I am home and hoping that the report gets here quick. I was told 2-3 days.

I was told I have 10 nodules. I didn’t know how many before. Before the biopsy, the doctor looked at the report from my previous ultrasound and said he disagreed with that radiologist - he said I had 2 suspicious nodules, not just one, and the smaller one was definitely a 4 and not a 3. He had a short conversation with the ultrasound tech about how could that have been off so much? Gah! So of the 4 largest nodules, the two on the right are rated TIRADS 3, and the two on the left are TIRADS 4.

The pain was not too bad. The top left nodule got two shots of Lidocaine, and the bottom got one. Each nodule got stuck with 5 different needles, that he vibrated back and forth for like a solid minute - he said pulling them rapidly allows the samples to get packed inside.

Recovery is to watch Catfish episodes all day, put this ice pack on my neck every 20 minutes, and take Tylenol. I can do that!

I’m really freaked out after googling “thyroid nodule size 4.” It looks like it will be surgically removed regardless of the findings, but I was already figuring on that. The radiologist did tell me that the hospital complex had a dedicated thyroid surgeon, and that was likely the next step.

 

[Bluebird]

Still in some pain this morning, but it’s bearable. It’s mostly stiffness all along the left side of my neck. I took some more Tylenol when I woke up. I’ve got a couple of more hours before I can take the bandages off, per the recovery info sheet. I still feel completely tired and emotionally drained.

I’m supposed to hang out with a friend today but right now I’m thinking about going back to sleep.

 

[Bluebird]

Test results are in and my endocrinologist’s office has already called.

Results are benign, but they are still recommending surgical removal of the thyroid, definitely the left side, but will discuss more at my appointment in September.




I’ve got bloodwork scheduled for Thursday.

 

[ref2018]

I'm so glad your results are benign, H.

 

[Bluebird]

I'm so glad your results are benign, H.

Me too! It’s good news!! I’m just exhausted right now and over having to deal with medical stuff this year.

 

[Brazen]

Great news they are benign but you must be exhausted from the stress. I had a salivary gland tumour (benign but big) removed years ago. So have a scar on my neck. I just wanted to say that tbh it has never bothered me and it healed much better than other scars on my body xx

 

[Bluebird]

Great news they are benign but you must be exhausted from the stress. I had a salivary gland tumour (benign but big) removed years ago. So have a scar on my neck. I just wanted to say that tbh it has never bothered me and it healed much better than other scars on my body xx

I honestly don’t even care about scars. It’s weird but they’re not something I’ve been concerned about with this, which is crazy. lol

Now I’m just feeling scared about another 2-hour surgery, an overnight in the hospital, and then a 2-3 week recovery. It just seems like so much all over again. That said, I want it to happen because I need to get it over with so I can get this fucking year finished! It will improve my insulin resistance and hopefully my energy level will get a boost as well. I know if they take the entire thing it will mean medication for life, but I’m already on estradiol. Let’s just finish this nonsense so I can move on!

 

[Bluebird]

I drove MisterMoonbeam into work today. He will be there for a half day and then someone there will give him a lift to the Metro so he can get to the airport. He’ll be off to Arizona tonight! I’m a little bummed I can’t go with, but I have too much going on right now. He will be heading back there in November so hopefully my medical stuff will be finished so I can go then!

After dropping him off, I mailed out another corset for a swap.


I traded my black wench ($109) that I was able to wear once last year before it no longer fit, for an olive green Vixen corset ($199) that’s brand new with tags. Score! It’s not something I would have picked out to pay cash for, but I am thinking it might work for Mythicon in February. They’re having a Green Man dance one of the nights - we’ll see!

I also had to make a stop at CVS because my Mounjaro shot has no more refills. I was pretty sure my endocrinologist called over enough so I would be covered until she came back in country, but I guess not. MisterMoonbeam gave me my last shot yesterday. I also called the office, so hopefully I am able to get another refill before next Tuesday!

It might be a problem because I’m still at the 2.5 dose which is not supposed to be repeated like this. I’ve been on it for 2 months because it is still making me nauseous. The fill-in doctor will hopefully be comfortable increasing me to the 5.0 dose. I don’t know. I’m not really looking forward to more nausea, but I think my numbers are clear that I do need to start moving up.



My bandages are off and my neck is swollen and scratched up. Ugh. It’s much better this morning than it was yesterday morning, omg. Yesterday it was stiff and frozen - I could barely turn my head at all.

It’s another gorgeous day here. I really wish I was well enough to go hiking. I know when I get under the trees I will cry. Just sitting in my sunroom is lovely though. A loud AF blue jay just came and and made the sparrows swarm. Harry and ColePorter are interested. lol

 

[Bluebird]

I feel really out of sorts tonight. Mostly unattractive. I don’t feel comfortable in this new body, in my new skin. I feel I look stretched and dried out. Fuck menopause and this weight loss! I talked a little bit at my last therapy session about my body dysmorphia, but I feel like this goes beyond that.

Like, I’m old now, in ways I wasn’t before. I just want to cry and cry because I look so bad. I’m still trying to not hyperfocus but I have never felt good, with my weight under 205. I haven’t been on the scale since last week, but I’m definitely less than 188.

I don’t think the bruising and swollen neck help either.

I’m planning on going to get my hair done for sure as soon as I can get an appointment. I’m going to chop the ends and get a rinse to clean up the color. I’ve still got blue and green on the ends from my wedding in April.

This is me from today. I thought I looked okay but I decided to do a “before and after” comparison and I found a photo taken exactly one year ago. I do not look improved, so I won’t be showing it anywhere.

 

[kittyxuchiha11]

I feel really out of sorts tonight. Mostly unattractive. I don’t feel comfortable in this new body, in my new skin. I feel I look stretched and dried out. Fuck menopause and this weight loss! I talked a little bit at my last therapy session about my body dysmorphia, but I feel like this goes beyond that.

Like, I’m old now, in ways I wasn’t before. I just want to cry and cry because I look so bad. I’m still trying to not hyperfocus but I have never felt good, with my weight under 205. I haven’t been on the scale since last week, but I’m definitely less than 188.

I don’t think the bruising and swollen neck help either.

I’m planning on going to get my hair done for sure as soon as I can get an appointment. I’m going to chop the ends and get a rinse to clean up the color. I’ve still got blue and green on the ends from my wedding in April.

This is me from today. I thought I looked okay but I decided to do a “before and after” comparison and I found a photo taken exactly one year ago. I do not look improved, so I won’t be showing it anywhere.

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It's totally crazy how we get in our own heads about this sort of stuff. Every time you post a picture on here it always makes me so happy because you always look so happy and full of life. But obviously I totally get your own perception of yourself is so different especially after weight loss and such.

I'm in a bit of a similar situation as I've lost about 54lbs in the last 7 months and its something people definitely dont talk about that although weight loss is seen as a 'good' thing its so strange to see your body change and almost feel you lose your identity because of it. Bottom line, as I'm sure everyone else here will agree with me, it's lovely to see your pictures that you post here and your smile always makes me smile

 

[Magdlyn]

You're still young, girl. You're on hormone therapy, right? I bet your loose skin will tighten up somewhat over time. I've heard working out with weights helps a lot, to fill in the area with some muscle. I hope you improve rapidly once you get the health issues sorted out. I know you miss your hiking!

It's actually refreshing to hear a woman mourn having LOST weight, going from borderline obese to a "healthy" weight. As we get older, health is paramount. The goal is to live as long as possible in a healthy enough state to actually enjoy the life! That's more important than going from a DDD to a D. Maybe you'll develop a change in perspective over time. I hear that it's jarring now though!

Me, I just turned 69 (heh). I need to lose weight, as I lost 40 lbs during the pandemic, but then met Aries, and he loves a full-figured woman and I got off track! Of course, he tells me he loves ME at any size, and he also wants me to live as long as possible, because he's crazy about me. The problem is, I have attempted to return to my diet/lifestyle of 2020 and the weight isn't coming off this time. (I didn't regain all the weight, just some.) I think at my age your body really resists losing. The info out there is so confusing/often contradictory, but that's the idea I am getting. It's super frustrating. Plus, my arthritis has gotten so much worse recently, so walking every day causes lots of pain in my hip.

Anyway, in my search for health, I have gone on an anti-inflammatory diet, which I understand can reduce the risk of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, arthritis, and other diseases of old age, even if you don't lose weight. I learned more about this kind of eating in a weird way. I found out that semaglutides begin to reduce inflammation markers in the body even before weight loss begins! That started me looking into inflammation and how to prevent it. I am not on one of those drugs like you are, so I started eating an anti-inflammatory diet instead. It's been about 6-8 weeks now. I slip now and then, but mostly I've avoided all white flour, refined sugar, deep-fried foods, high fructose corn syrup, transfats and beef, and stuck to salmon, shrimp, and other fish, chicken, beans (lentils, chickpeas), eggs, Greek yogurt, quinoa and other whole grains, sweet potatoes, and more fruit and veggies than you can shake a stick at. I've learned to make muffins with almond flour and a touch of honey, and they are delicious with blueberries or bananas added. I'm going to try making pumpkin muffins next. I've also added more fresh ginger, turmeric and herbs to my food. I already make and eat a lot of Japanese style food (miso, soba noodles), and I look for recipes from the "Mediterranean diet" too.

 

[Magdlyn]

BTW, the marks on your neck just make you look like a teenager with hickies lol