Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

[Bluebird]

TheEngineer has called me twice today, upset and struggling. He makes me frustrated, to be honest, so I am sure his wife is batshit bonkers. Apparently they are fighting (still) and she wants a divorce. The same divorce she’s been saying she’s wanted since forever, it seems. He’s distressed and saying in one breath he wants to be done but we both know he's not going to take a single step in the direction of uncoupling. I am okay with listening to him, but I am kinda over giving any sort of advice. I am sad for him but I am also certain he is screwing himself by not taking steps to move forward with - at the very least - financially separating.

Not my circus, and it won’t be. I haven’t seen her in person in like 6 months and that was for a brief moment. I have zero negative things to say about my metamour honestly. We have no connection and I don’t feel I need one. Whatever they have going on is their nonsense. I think she’s taking advantage of him, but he absolutely allows it, so I don’t see why she wouldn’t.

We celebrated TheEngineer’s birthday on Monday, and we had good sex on Tuesday. He wants to come over with his son on Saturday but didn’t like the option of hanging out while I finally decorate my Christmas tree. I am out of time on putting that off! So, I don’t know if I will see him then or not.

I still am not done shopping, so I need to do that tomorrow. I’m trying to get more headpieces made today so I can take a couple days off.

 

[Bluebird]

TheEngineer had another fight with his wife. He asked to talk to MisterMoonbeam. They have a lot of parallels in their mental health struggles and they’re both dudes. Anyway, we met up for lunch this past weekend. I’m not sure if it helped him. He was solid on contacting an attorney to at least start to find out information about the divorce process, but as far as I know he didn’t actually follow through.

Again, I am very much over trying to advise him on what to do in this current predicament, because he isn’t ready to really do anything but suffer and have his finances and business suffer.

The weekend fight, well, he had his last show scheduled of the year, and his wife refused to watch their son, saying she wasn’t mentally well enough to deal with it. (Their son is a toddler.) He tried to get his 19-year old stepdaughter to babysit, but apparently his wife said she didn’t want anyone to watch their son, and that this was just a sign of TheEngineer being unsupportive of her struggles. So he had to cancel his show last minute.

I can’t tell you how shitty this is in the vending world, for his new business to not show. But then also he has no other job. He’s trying to make this his income source! I was flabbergasted. Even more so, because he had turned down an event the weekend prior because it was his birthday, even though he had zero plans, and a promoter had reached out to him specifically to attend, with no booth fee. Like, what?!

I honestly can’t understand what goes on with him because 1) this is a business and 2) the holidays are the absolute best time for him to be selling his products - no other time of year is better. He had one Christmas show, I think. One. What in the fuck.

Anyway, it makes me lose some respect for him. I am hustling my ass off to make my business successful and he just seems to be doing a half-assed attempt. Then his wife is like actively sabotaging him from being successful anyway.

Ugh.

In other news, yesterday I mailed out my 15-piece order (it ended up being 17 total). I’m excited to have it on its way! It cost $275 to mail it, which frustrated me. If I had been able to use pirate ship, it would have cost only $118. Lame. However, I am glad to have it out of my house! I feel accomplished. I am going to spend the next week making similar items to put on my website, so when the creator models my pieces with her clothing, I can capitalize and hopefully sell some of my other pieces.

 

[Magdlyn]

The Engineer seems to be going a bit down the Gawain road.

 

[Bluebird]

Hmmm that’s interesting you’d say that! I feel like those relationships are not comparable. TheEngineer is little bit frustrating, but overall things are good between us. He’s very supportive of me and my business - I appreciate that he’s not a negative person! My family all likes him okay and we have a fairly good sex life. Between he and I, honestly I don’t have many day to day complaints.

How he runs his business and his relationship with his wife - I don’t understand it but the way I do things doesn’t have to be the same the way he does things. I think he’s making big mistakes as they’re are having negative effects on the other. I am just growing incredibly disinterested in giving any advice or emotional support on either, as issues continue.

I also kinda understand - I try to understand - that his wife is having her own mental health struggles, and if he’s off trying to launch a business, he’s not present and supporting her or their family. If everyone is in crisis, he’s in a tough spot and so is she. It’s not gonna work. I’m not there so I don’t know what the day to day is like. I just see the results when he’s canceling shows and showing up unprepared.

 

[Bluebird]

Merry Christmas!

Our matching Christmas pajamas this year had us promoting our favorite DropOut TV shows!

MisterMoonbeam, me, DarkKnight


I had an AMAZING Christmas! DarkKnight absolutely shocked me with a handmade leather bag I desperately wanted while I was vending in Virginia this year. I visited it at its booth SEVERAL times, and then when I finally decided to go buy it, it was gone. I was super bummed. The shop owner had sold it to my husband and just not mentioned that to me!! It’s made to go with a Star Wars outfit, and I am super excited to rock it at an “Out of this World” dance in February!



DarkKnight is not doing so well - he has a doctor appointment scheduled on January 6 for his foot. He’s had planar fasciitis for years but this time is different. It’s hurting him constantly now and he’s been walking with a cane. We got him a stool to sit on when in the kitchen. I’m worried about it. I made getting the gym set up a priority this month as a promise to him, and as of this past weekend, everything is looking great down there. We are going to buy more weights and things for the space after he hears back from the doctor as to what exercises would be best for him.



MisterMoonbeam really overdid it this year! He bought me a real fox fur muff that I mentioned in passing while at a show, so he has been hiding that secret for months! It matches my fox fur cape that I bought a couple of years ago.



He also bought me the ENTIRE SET of Color Cubes!!! Y’all, I added these to my wish list because I have been wanting them all year. I didn’t want to forget about them - never did I dream someone would buy them for me!! I was absolutely astounded when I opened the first set, but then when he brought me the second set, I lost my shit in excitement!



One thing I do frequently when creating headpieces is pick a color and then do a Pinterest search for color combinations - people will post themed photos with the different shades they use to match. It really helps to work out ideas. Well, ColorCube is an entire set of photos that each show a palette to use - it’s having a Pinterest right there in person! It also came with a digital doohickey as well. I’m going to have a difficult time not doing any work today.

TheEngineer got me SEVERAL items on my Amazon wish list, including two shirts that I desperately needed for my garb closet! He couldn’t have chosen a better option, honestly. Since I lost all the weight, blouses are something that I really really need. He got me a black shirt and a purple one from Scarlett Darkness. He also bought me some battery-powered hand warmers to use when vending, and a water bag for hiking, which is something we do together and plan to do more of in the new year!



I especially am excited about the purple shirt, because my newest garb set is a matching petite wench corset with a split-front overskirt in purple polka dot!!



There does exist a matching men’s vest, but it’s not available for purchase yet - you best believe MisterMoonbeam is getting that as soon as we can swing it! Anyway, the purple shirt is freaking PERFECT as a base for this!

To share another set I bought this month - this is the blue & silver - that I was able to grab a vest with a hood for MisterMoonbeam at the same time. I already had a bunch of pieces that match the hood fabric, so that was kinda cool. How I will end up styling it, Idk yet.



One more photo to wrap this post up - SmoothJazz sent me a gift! I hadn’t talked to him in a while, yet I got a package in the mail on Monday! He literally bought this, then wrapped it up himself and sent it priority mail. I was shocked and incredibly touched that he was thinking of me. It’s a vintage puzzle of the United States, showcasing all of the national parks. After I finish all of the Maryland ones, I guess I have a new goal now!

 

[Magdlyn]

Hmmm that’s interesting you’d say that! I feel like those relationships are not comparable. TheEngineer is little bit frustrating, but overall things are good between us. He’s very supportive of me and my business - I appreciate that he’s not a negative person! My family all likes him okay and we have a fairly good sex life. Between he and I, honestly I don’t have many day to day complaints.

How he runs his business and his relationship with his wife, I don’t understand it. But the way I do things doesn’t have to be the same the way he does things. I think he’s making big mistakes, as they’re are having negative effects on the other. I am just growing incredibly disinterested in giving any advice or emotional support on either, as issues continue.

I also kinda understand, I try to understand, that his wife is having her own mental health struggles, and if he’s off trying to launch a business, he’s not present and supporting her or their family. If everyone is in crisis, he’s in a tough spot and so is she. It’s not gonna work. I’m not there so I don’t know what the day to day is like. I just see the results when he’s canceling shows and showing up unprepared.

I understand it's not exactly the same deal. I just noticed a lot of negative words in your post as I used to see in posts about Gawain, like "flabbergasted," "losing respect," "he isn’t ready to really do anything but suffer," "he didn't follow through," "he had turned down an event the weekend prior because it was his birthday, even though he had zero plans..." "Like, what?! I honestly can’t understand what goes on with him..."

This all mostly pertains to his business, but you mention mental health issues, and relationship issues with his wife. Hopefully it all won't impact your own relationship all that much. You're such a go-getter and seem to face your struggles head-on, so it just seemed a bit hard for you to understand and you lost respect.

I'm not judging. I have my own relationship struggles from time-to-time too. Every relationship needs work, and patience, like having a garden to tend.

 

[Bluebird]

I’ve been stressed out the last few days. Crazy insomnia and just not producing what I need to be making right now for my business. However, I’m selling lots more than anticipated with my new website! Which is part of the problem - I have to take time to pack stuff up and ship it out, and then make items to actually put online. I’m way behind on creating product for my July show.

I received an email this weekend from the local library, asking me to sell at their annual gala, which is a fairy enchantment dance. I wrote back that I couldn’t condense to the size they were offering or work in the time frame they had for set up. They immediately responded that they would give me more time and space and please let’s make time to meet in person so they could show me the room. So I guess I will be doing that this week - one night in my hometown sounds good to me, even if I don’t make much.

There’s also another local place I am trading messages with about doing a one night monthly sale that is Ren Faire themed.

I just don’t know if I have time to make product for these events!

I got BugGirl moved last Friday. I can’t remember if I wrote about her insane roommate but I was terrified he was going to murder her. But the process went okay and she said he is calm about it now. IDK but she has to work with the guy so hopefully she is right. MisterMoonbeam and TheEngineer did SO MUCH to help her get out of her apartment. I can’t be thankful enough for their help.

 

[Evie]

I'm glad the guys helped out so much to get BugGirl out of there. I hope to god that's the end of the roommate issues, but I also hope she's considering looking for a new job.

 

[Bluebird]

I'm glad the guys helped out so much to get BugGirl out of there. I hope to god that's the end of the roommate issues, but I also hope she's considering looking for a new job.

She’s not gonna quit her job. She’s making more money than she ever has in her life, she’s respected and she loves it. I hope she’s right about being able to keep this guy at arm’s length though. I really do believe she should have involved her workplace in the nonsense.

 

[Bluebird]

I’m a mess. My insomnia is awful and I have no idea why it seems to have ramped up so much lately. I literally can’t fall asleep until like 4 am. I also feel stressed all the time, and I’ll be like, ugh, why am I stressed right now?! I haven’t had sex this year because I just don’t feel like myself. It’s so hard to explain. I did have some sexy times with MisterMoonbeam but let him do his thing because I didn’t want an orgasm. Like, what? Maybe I will have him give me one tonight and that will help!

Anyway, I had bloodwork on Monday and my numbers are still wonky. My T4 is dead center normal, my A1C is a 5.1 and my average glucose is 100. My diabetes is well-managed. Except, my TSH is almost an 11. This is with me having no thyroid and I’m taking an insane amount of name-brand Synthroid. The last time I saw my endocrinologist she questioned whether I was really even taking it. I’m like, wtf - look at my diabetes numbers! I’m doing excellent with that. Does it really track that I’d fuck around with medication I know I need to stay alive?! I haven’t missed a dose but clearly something is making this medication not work right.

What else is wonky? My temperature fluctuations are back, though my estradiol pill hasn’t changed. Mostly I’m cold all the time. I always have a second layer on now. I’ve had a few dizzy spells but nothing too crazy. Just like ooooh yeah that was a little bit weird.

Right now I just missed my second dose of Mounjaro. I am off of it for one more week. I have oral surgery scheduled - finally getting the gum graft done. I’m terrified of the surgery but it needs to happen. I’m very tired of having this gap in my teeth and I can’t get Invisalign to close it until the graft is done.

 

[Bluebird]

My endocrinologist did another round of testing and my TSH wasn’t as high. I mean, it was still bad, but not as awful. I will be calling my regular doctor today to schedule more testing - and to rule out a possible pituitary tumor that could be making things wonky. My body apparently likes to grow weird shit so as unlikely as it may be, for me it could be a thing. I’m just over it, honestly.

I have to drop off a prescription for Valium today - my oral surgery is on Monday and I need to be calm Sunday night. The whole thing has me stressed out. They had me get a medicated mouth rinse for post surgery already and the pharmacy filled the script with a peppermint flavored prescription mouthwash. Even though the dental office had told them I was allergic. I took it home and opened it to smell the peppermint (the bottle just said “natural flavors.”) Of course they wouldn’t let me return it and said they don’t and won’t have any other kind. So now I just don’t get that, I guess. So yeah, stress. Dental office said I could just swish with salt water after. Gee, thanks.

I’m still in bed this morning but I’ve got like 30 minutes to do a whole bunch of back end work on my business. I’m really overwhelmed but I need to do more planning. I gotta ship out a bunch of packages today and I have a helper to go get to assist me. That will be nice.

TheEngineer is…I don’t even know where to begin. I love him lots but his news is crazy. His mom has been paying his way for the last year and he finally reached out to ask her about structuring and how much he can reliably count on her? Apparently she’s a millionaire and she is supporting his entire household on just the dividends of one account - which is like the investment account of an inheritance. She and her late husband were lawyers, so she has her own money (she’s retired) so it’s no stress for her to pay for him out of this for life. So he called me to tell me how gross that makes him feel.

I was like…okay. He also then started talking about not working at all this year and just focusing on getting his adhd medication right and improving on his relationship with his wife. I’m happy for him but still like, I would make different choices.

Then last night he called to clarify that he still needs to work some? Idk I honestly would rather not talk about it. His finances don’t affect me at all and won’t. We trade off paying on dinner and dates and I don’t see that changing.

I am feeling overwhelmed again today. Still haven’t had sex this year. I’m feeling slightly more horny today but I think if I had an orgasm I would fall asleep for hours so that’s not good for the morning right now!

 

[Magdlyn]

That's amazing, that Engineer is fully financially supported by his mother, at his age. Wow. I can see how that would make him feel "gross," even if his ADHD is out of control and he and his wife aren't getting along. Doesn't she work? Do they have kids?

No sex in 9 days? Where's Moonbeam? I guess you've felt too stressed to go get you some with him? Hopefully you do tonight and it helps you sleep and therefore reduces your stress!

 

[Bluebird]

That's amazing, that Engineer is fully financially supported by his mother, at his age. Wow. I can see how that would make him feel "gross," even if his ADHD is out of control and he and his wife aren't getting along. Doesn't she work? Do they have kids?

No sex in 9 days? Where's Moonbeam? I guess you've felt too stressed to go get you some with him? Hopefully you do tonight and it helps you sleep and therefore reduces your stress!

They have one together and she has several from a previous relationship. The oldest is out of high school and TheEngineer is potty training the youngest right now. His wife doesn’t work, as she quit her job last year due to stress.

Still no sex. MisterMoonbeam is here but tired. He promises he will “take care of me” tomorrow but I wish it was tonight. I have definitely not been in the mood at all since before January 1. Today was the first time I’ve had the want, and now it’s all I am thinking about. But now I am tired.

I got a LOT done today with my business. I felt very accomplished. I figured out that I made over $1200 in online sales with my new website in the first 7 days this year. I don’t feel that is sustainable because I need to focus on inventory with my upcoming shows, but that’s by selling mostly $25-$35 and $48 headbands.

 

[Bluebird]

My oral surgery was a success but I am in a lot of pain. TheEngineer came overnight to take care of me and I think my nesting partners appreciated the time off! Though when I am in pain - not just sick - I really don’t wanna be touched. I’m in some pretty bad pain.

This is for a gum graft at the front of my mouth, where I am missing a tooth. It never grew in, and then all my other teeth were crooked because of that. I tried Invisalign and the orthodontist made a space for an implant, which then failed multiple times. The process caused gum recession, and I can’t put off fixing this any longer. I wanna get Invisalign again to close the gap that was made, but until the gum line is fixed, my new dentist doesn’t want to try it.

So, cue pain.