Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

That is a good point. She has said things like this in the past - like I was behaving inappropriately by kissing WarMan at a party, and everyone was uncomfortable about it, but when WarMan asked, everyone thought he was crazy because they didn't even know what he was talking about. And another time, I was laying against him on a couch and she said that everyone was appalled at how that was very out of place at this location, and when he pointed out that she had done the same thing on an earlier occasion there, she backed off. So it could very well be her own issues.

That makes me sad. If this is the case again, I wonder why she is still having trouble telling WarMan how she feels. Yes, it is passive aggressive in my opinion, that sort of thing. Last night I asked him why he didn't just cut to the chase and talk to the hosts and ask them if they felt slighted. If they are, then they'd tell him and he could work it out. If they weren't, then he could then address the issue with Monkey. That's what I would do myself. However, I am very direct in that way. I don't like the drama of hearing how someone else feels - I want to hear it from the source.

I do feel that WarMan views me as important, most days. I do wonder what the limit is on this though - at some point the hassle of dealing with friends and family and my poly self will hit a tipping point.

Ugh. I am in my bedroom right now and I have like 30 minutes to clean it. It's a mess. Since my oldest daughter is sleeping here tonight, I need to get moving on it, and I need to make a list for the rest of my family so they know what to clean in the rest of the house. No rest for me anytime soon!
 
I do feel that WarMan views me as important, most days. I do wonder what the limit is on this though - at some point the hassle of dealing with friends and family and my poly self will hit a tipping point.
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I can relate to this, also dating someone who is mono and who's taken a lot of risks to be out to friends and family about us. But I don't believe that it works that way with a tipping point. When I've talked to Jack about my concerns in this area, he's made it very clear that he loves me and that I'm "worth" it -- with "it" being the additional stresses that may come with me being poly.

I do wonder if this is related to your own self-esteem and perhaps insecurities with Warman (again, you two are both raw from recent fights). I don't see you saying the same thing about DK or PR, despite some awful problems with family (like his grandfather and mom) about you being poly. They clearly love you and want to be with you, regardless of what people think. I suspect Warman is the same. He just may be struggling a bit more with Monkey and her significant jealousy. But at the end of the day, I can imagine he'd agree that you are worth it.

Ok, I'll stop bombarding your blog! ;)
 
I actually do say it some, about PunkRock and DarkKnight, just much less so, since we've been through a lot of the same shake ups in the past. The tough stuff is behind us, in a lot of regards. I was fairly out of sorts yesterday because of DarkKnight having to have tough conversations with his family. However, we have 10 years of history behind us, and PunkRock & I have 2. This is a new relationship, and the structure is also new to WarMan.

He told me today that it was odd and different to know that I was just his "first customer" of the day, and I could be having sex with DarkKnight and/or PunkRock later. In fact, there have been times when I have had sex with all 3 of them separately, at different times of the day. I didn't like that he said customer though, it made me feel a bit devalued, but he apologized and I knew he didn't mean it in a derogatory sense. But yeah, it is difficult to get used to, I suppose. I don't want any of my guys to feel like they are interchangeable, or not important. Or that I am not totally into them and thinking of the next guy, when we are having sex. Because honestly, that isn't something I do at all. But, those sort of differences could be really difficult to get used to, and combining that with family disapproval, and problems with friends - it just adds up. It worries me that it could become too much.

But, well, I suppose some days I do feel I am worth it, and others, I wonder why any guy bothers. Today, I am feeing upbeat and sexy and all 3 of these guys should be thanking the stars that I give them the honor of being with me. I am fucking fabulous. I am accomplishing all sorts of things and whipping this house and the holidays into shape. Hear me roar, mofos.
 
That Monkey is so-o-o-ooooo passive/aggressive and controlling! What she did was sabotage, plain and simple!

I believe that WarMan either puts up with it or blinds himself to it because he feels very deeply indebted to her for picking him up when he was in despair years ago.

But when is an obligation like that considered fulfilled? I think she knows he feels he will always owe her, so she takes advantage and manipulates him, whether consciously or unconsciously. But at some point, he's got to call it even and stop feeling like he owes her his life. A debt paid is a debt paid.

Bluebird said:
I am fucking fabulous . . . Hear me roar, mofos.
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Hell yeah, woman!
 
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Well, maybe the hosts really were upset - WarMan reasoned that since it was a thanksgiving feast, they would have been ok if he was at my house eating the same, but since we were just hanging out, playing Zombicide and chowing down on Chinese food, it seemed like he had just ditched them to do something more fun. I believe they had over a dozen people there though, so I am a bit skeptical that they were terribly upset and discussed his absence at length, especially in front of a lot of people who don't even know who he is.

Honestly, I am having exactly a dozen people eating Thanksgiving dinner at my house tomorrow, and I WOULD miss his presence if he wasn't there. I'm crazy in love with him though, and he's made that commitment to meet my oldest daughter and share the holiday with me. None of those were true for the meal he missed.
 
Bluebird said:
Well, maybe the hosts really were upset . . .
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Perhaps they were. However...

Was it vitally necessary for Monkey to text Warman that information at that very moment, while she knew he was spending time with you? Seriously? It's not the kind of information that needs to be relayed right away. What she did is sabotage! It's like she slipped a turd into the punch bowl at your party so no one can enjoy it - she had to know it would affect him and you.

If she really felt that she needed to let WarMan know that the hosts were upset not to see him at their place, that is simply information to be shared privately one-on-one during her time with him. It certainly does NOT warrant texting him while he's with his girlfriend (and if I were her, I would have informed him in a very compassionate way, as in "So-and-so really missed you at the party." Not blaming and vilifying him for posting pics of where he was spending his time instead. It's quite significant that she went off the rails after seeing pics of him with you, enjoying himself, doncha think?). Some friend she is!

What a jealous, manipulative beeyotch, frankly! Reading what she did makes me want to pinch her really hard.
 
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An invitation isn't an obligation. Otherwise, there'd be no means of refusal. WarMan can refuse an invitation and just sit the fuck around scratching his balls for all anyone cares. Posting a picture to FB, however, might be ill-advised.

He chose to spend his Thanksgiving with his new partner. How the hell is that a problem with any host, regardless of what he was doing?

No, I'm in the camp that thinks this is Monkey being PA as well... I've been wrong before, of course, but in my experience, people seem to realize that when relationships change, so do holiday plans. Such is life.

You roar, girl. Here's wishing for more roars and fewer growlies.
 
I am of the camp that Monkey is a freaking cancer that could ruin your relationship with Warman.
 
Oh geez guys! Actually, WarMan didn't post anything to Facebook, he hates Facebook, for reasons like that. PunkRock actually posted a photo of the game board and tagged us all in the picture. He is friends with everyone on there, so they must have seen it that way. Either way, I can see why they would be upset, but I agree that it wasn't the best time to text him. And it wasn't like no one knew he was coming - he let them know earlier - he didn't just not show up.

I feel bad that I am the cause of this sort of drama and wish that it wasn't a mess. I actually told him that I would have gladly spent the day with him there, but they didn't include me in his invitation, for whatever reason. So he told them no, came here, and now there is drama. Or was drama. I don't know if he worked it out or what. At this point, it isn't happening at my house or involve me anymore.

One of the hosts is actually handling our family photos on Sunday. He was texting me a bit today and didn't mention anything to me about being upset at all. Though maybe he wouldn't.

It is disconcerting that it has happened more than once - but I am trusting that WarMan will deal with it if he feels it is becoming a major problem.
 
Bluebird said:
I feel bad that I am the cause of this sort of drama and wish that it wasn't a mess.
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Hon, you're his girlfriend. You were NOT the cause of the drama - I hope you get that. Monkey caused whatever drama there may be.

It isn't drama (or wrong) for WarMan to choose to be wherever the fuck he wants to be and whomever the fuck he wants to be with on a holiday.

It isn't drama or wrong when you're the one he wants to spend time with.

It isn't drama or wrong if people who invited him to their home get a "no thank you" as their RSVP.

It isn't drama or wrong if they're disappointed over his not being there.

It IS drama (and very wrong) when Monkey texts him with the sole purpose of scolding him and stirring up shit. It would not have been drama or wrong if her message to him was just to say Happy Thanksgiving. But to inform him that people are pissed that he was having a good time somewhere else? That is not only drama, it's trouble. I only hope WarMan starts to see the underlying subtext in her behavior.

I think it's good that you are just going to let him handle it and not get wraped up in it, but I do hope you let go of this idea that you are the cause of any drama or negativity. You're not!
 
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Oh what a day! After WarMan dropped me off, I spent much of the time cleaning my bedroom, but I was greatly distracted by kittens. I did get it all done before my daughter arrived though, and I was so happy to see her!

In the evening we decided to tackle the tree together and we got all the branches pulled apart and looking good, and while I started emptying totes filled with decorations, she wrapped our Dali prints that sit on my mantel. (I like wrapping them every year, so they don't distract from the holiday.) Then I realized that we were short on garland, so her and I went out to get some and spent the entire evening in Michael's oohing and ahhing over their sales. When we returned, it was after 10 pm and I realized that we didn't have any lights for the tree either, so we were done with that. Lol I DO have lights someplace but my youngest daughter didn't get them down from the attic.

I texted WarMan some tonight to see if he had time to come over and meet my daughter and watch us set up the tree, but he was busy helping Monkey get ready for a craft show tomorrow. I suppose it was just as well since the tree is still completely bare. Lol

So I went to bed with PunkRock in the basement, and now he's snoring loudly next to me while I freak out over having to get everything finished for our Thanksgiving tomorrow. There is SO much to do and I have no idea how I will manage it. Everyone except PunkRock will be home though, so I should have some help.

I am exhausted now, after a brief midnight freakout about the turkey. I haven't looked at it since WarMan gave it to me and I suddenly was convinced it was still frozen, but it looked pretty good. Hopefully it will be ready for me when I go to prep it in the morning - it's got a 10 am oven time.
 
I don't have time for a big update, so I will be trying to keep this short. Our Thanksgiving dinner went really well - all the food was delicious and there were no fist fights. (Haha) DarkKnight's mom's eyes popped out of her head when WarMan and my oldest daughter returned from a liquor store run though - she was like, "Who is that?!" I said "WarMan. I've been seeing him for a few months." She was visibly choking back responses and I would have laughed but I had two big glasses of wine in me, and that slows down my sarcasm. DarkKnight's older sister told me later she wanted to high five me, and to tell me that this Thanksgiving made her so happy. Lol

I sat both WarMan and PunkRock at a separate table than DarkKnight and his parents and I, so that probably helped a big deal in keeping things civil. DarkKnight's mom did ask a few questions about WarMan's job and where he lived though.

Family pictures went off without a hitch this morning, so that was great too.
 
I am looking forward to tomorrow being December. I am not sure why, but right now, at this moment, I feel like I am going to kick ass this coming month. I have so many things to handle but I am looking forward to finishing it all!

Tomorrow is my second-to-last Biology class. Today I will be prepping for it, which is not something I really want to do but it'll get done regardless. :) it's about the plant kingdom, and then next week is genetics and we're done! I think I am not going to teach anything in the Spring, though when I think about passing up the money, that seems foolish. Still, things will be hectic enough and not teaching anyone but my daughter would be preferable.

So, finishing up Biology will be great, and of course I will be traveling up to NY on the 17th to see my extended family for Christmas. I have a lot packed into the four days I will be up there, so it will be hectic, but I am looking forward to it. I am once again going shopping for my Christmas charity, which I had dropped off the board for, but got roped back into last minute. This is upsetting, but it is so beneficial to others that I feel refusing would really hurt others. So, I'll take some of my time to do what needs to be done.

Before my trip of course, I need to get the ancestry book completed for my mom. I wish I had another month but it just isn't going to happen. I hope to finish up what I have been working on and just focus on presenting her with where I am at this holiday. I hope on Wednesday I will have time to finish a chunk of research.

I still have not finished all of my Christmas shopping.

I need to get together a "state of the union" packet for my guys - we always do this in November and it feels weird to not have clear goals laid out for next year. I mean, I know what I want to focus on but we need to get stuff written down and agreed on.
 
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Thought I'd post a couple of unedited proofs from our family portrait session. WarMan set this up as part of my Christmas present from him.

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PunkRockAwesomesauce, DarkKnight, WarMan and me in front

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PunkRockAwesomesauce, DarkKnight and WarMan

I am excited to see the edited up versions, with everything perfect. :) Love, love, love how they all turned out. I have individual pairing pics with each of the guys, as well as a group photo of my guys, me and my kids. And of course, photos of just my kids together too.
 
The pictures are so cute! Love seeing your amazing family all together! :)
 
Aw... They're great, Bluebird! :)
 
WarMan canceled our date night again this week, last night. He was really sick and he needed some rest. I don't blame him at all - he looked like crap, poor guy. I had plans of having a crafting night, as I have a lot to get done, but I ended up snuggling with PunkRock and playing with kittens all evening.

Speaking of kittens, they are so freaking big now! They are 8 and a half weeks and all are over 2 pounds. They have a clinic visit scheduled on Sunday for their second set of shots, and I hope to schedule them for their spay/neuter appointments next week. After that, they are adoptable. My oldest daughter wants to take Ray, and has a friend interested in Egon. DarkKnight's older sister wants Winnie, and that leaves Venkman, staying with us. PunkRock wants that kitten so bad. :) We are pretty sure Ray is a girl now, so we have started calling her Rogue, which is what my daughter wants to name her. And Winnie definitely looks like a Winston - pretty obvious she's a he. And Venkman too, looks like a girl. Since we may be keeping Venkman, I am trying to come up with names we'd like to keep - right now we're trying on Mia, Sophia or Penelope. We don't know the actual procedure for sending a kitten out of state, but there's a foster meeting on Wednesday night, and that is actually the topic this week! So PunkRock and I are going to attend together.
 
Great family shots. You definitely have a type, Bluebird. Your guys could all be cousins, if not brothers!

Glad the kittens are growing well and finding homes. :) I once had a little girl cat named Sophie.
 
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