Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

I LOVE that picture! They look so happy. There's no way to see their little faces and not smile. :)
 
I don't feel like asking to be a priority is selfish. Separation IS difficult for me, unplanned separation, more so. Separation when I am already feeling anxious about a relationship - fuck that. I am absolutely allowed to ask for time to connect before my boyfriend leaves on a business trip. That's not being unfair, or doing something disturbing. It's asking for consideration - which I desperately needed.
Is Warman your priority? It seems to me poly is about having multiple loves and accepting that those you love will also have multiple loves. So I don't think you have the right to insist that he make you a priority above monkey, unless you're also willing and able to make him a priority above Dark Knight and Punk Rock.

.... I probably have been trying to get him to fit like a puzzle piece into my life. Unfortunately, the space I have for a third primary relationship is not huge. If he doesn't fit, I am not sure where that leaves us. I have been willing to stretch and adjust my plans and life...
And right here, it sounds like he's definitely not a priority in your life. You say directly you don't really have time for another primary relationship. If you don't have time to make him a priority or primary, you cannot in all fairness expect him to make you a priority or primary.
 
I am so emotionally done right now. My moods have been up and down and just stressed out completely over everything going on with trying to get my ancestry book finished and having to come North and deal with my family. And of course, having to say goodbye to the kittens. They were so very adorable today - and I am sad they will be gone. Of course I am happy they are in their new homes, but still.

I am missing all 3 of my loves tonight. I wish one of them were here to hold me. I ended up sleeping over at my sister's house and I am on this futon that is going to make me regret having a spine tomorrow. My back is already hurting. Ugh. I have to be up at the crack of dawn to start shopping for the charity, too. I feel overwhelmed and things haven't even started! We did raise the amount we needed to fulfill all of the wish lists, so that's pretty awesome.

I am also worried about WarMan - he had his vasectomy scheduled today and I am bummed he had it scheduled for when I'd be gone. He had no support at all. I feel terrible about that. He said it went ok.

I did shave his nuts yesterday evening, for his surgical prep, and that was a first for me! That's something, I suppose.

I feel so exhausted by this holiday. I wish it was over. I am starting to stress terribly about Christmas presents and feel weird about them. Nothing new there, but it just adds to the tiredness I feel.

I feel really good about my ancestry scrapbook, but I feel like the amount of effort and cost that went into it will not be appreciated. It irks me, but I am still proud of the finished product.

And oh, I am tired! I have been up and driving and running around since 4 am. Time to sleep!
 
Looks like we cross posted. I am too tired to write a coherent response, WhatHappened. Sorry. WarMan and I talked about things and we're in a good place right now. I do feel he is a priority in my life, and as long as we are together, I will continue to make space for him. I feel I am a better person, having him in my life.
 
I met my BFFs new boyfriend tonight. He was really short and very old. He was charming. He didn't like playing Cards Against Humanity because he didn't get any of the references. I think my friend was sort of embarrassed about it. He smelled like pot and drank a lot. Definitely not my type, and I was surprised she is dating this guy. She seemed pretty blissful and happy all evening though, so there's that, I suppose.

I am exhausted after all of the shopping today. I felt really good about how everything went. We got everything we needed to and the 3 families we sponsored are going to have a wonderful Christmas! I have to drop the gifts off at noon tomorrow. The plan after that is that my daughter and I are going to visit with an old foster kiddo that I have kept in touch with. He wants to meet up and play a board game, so I hope to do that before heading over to the family Christmas gift exchange.

I can't wait to get home! I miss all 3 of my guys - they have all been so sweet: calling me everyday so I can hear their voices, and texting me funny photos or little love notes. I feel really cherished and missed. Ha! WarMan sent me a picture of his bruised sack from his vasectomy, the ass. :) My BFF's boyfriend had one a while back and he said it took a month before he could have sex, but WarMan says the doctor told him 5 days! That's a huge difference, but WarMan thinks maybe procedures are updated now so his will heal faster. I hope so, because a month will be simply awful.
 
So much to write about, so little time, and so little battery life left on my phone!

I ended up having an ok family Christmas at my sister's house on Saturday night. I gave my mom the ancestry album and that was well received. It was truthfully sort of boring at first but I pulled out my phone and started playing the "Head's Up" app with people and things got really fun, really fast. If you haven't seen it - one player holds the phone on their forehead, and it displays a word or phrase from a topic you have chosen. Your teammate tries to get you to say that word. There's a time limit, and you compete against other teams to get the most correct. The teens and teens loved it. A hilarious moment I wanted to mention involved my nephew (16) who was frantically trying to get me to say a certain word and we were down to like 3 seconds on the timer. He says, " You have a lot of these." As the timer goes off, I shout, " Husbands!" Hilariousness ensues.

My sister actually tagged my Christmas gift with "Bluebird and her boys." My mom made a big deal of pointing it out to me. I don't think it was meant to be complimentary, but I went with it. The present was actually Martini mixers, which is ok, I guess. I told her thank you.

I ended up leaving with my kids at a decent hour, so I drove home from NY Saturday night. No hotel. I was anxious and missing everyone so very much! I got home a little before 2 am, and PunkRock had already snuggled down into my bed and was awake, awaiting my return. He had gone to a Christmas party in Glen Bernie that I was sad to have missed, but I was glad he had gotten to hang out with his friends. DarkKnight arrived home shortly after I did - he had been out at a bar with his friends from the Playhouse, as that evening was their final performance of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever. I could tell he was really disappointed that PunkRock was already in my bed, but he went with it. I got lots of snuggles and kisses and hugs and felt very happy to be at home.

On Sunday, WarMan met up with my husbands and I and we went together to the Hibachi Buffet in town for lunch. It actually was kind of awkward for me, as I felt like WarMan was not that into me. When he arrived at my house, I bounced off the couch and grabbed him into a hug but he didn't seem very enthusiastic. It put me on guard - I immediately was worried that something was wrong, either he was having a bad day or that he didn't want to be there.

After lunch - which I paid for as I didn't want any of the guys feeling like they had to pay for the others (this is usually what I do when more than one is out with me) - we went back to the house and I talked to WarMan about the week's upcoming schedule. This is where things went downhill a bit. We had actually talked about it right before going to lunch, and I was a little out of sorts about it.

Because of everything going on, the schedule has been in flux and changing, and I had finally nailed down something I thought worked out ok. I had run it by DarkKnight that morning, but hadn't yet looked it over with PunkRock or WarMan. Upon presenting the idea of spending that night - Sunday night - with WarMan, he got very still, and in my opinion, very agitated. He told me he needed to really think about that. This shut me down pretty quick, because DarkKnight had been REALLY disappointed to not be on the schedule for that night. He had been bummed that PunkRock swooped in and grabbed Saturday, and now he was not going to get to be with me overnight on Sunday. So I was sensitive to the fact that he was disappointed about this schedule, and when WarMan seemed both disinterested and unexcited, well, it chafed me a little.

But it really was the best option, given the rest of the week's setup. Monday night my husbands and I had prepaid tickets to Star Wars over a month previously, and going to WarMan's after 10 pm wasn't really ideal for anyone, since it's a 25 minute drive. Anyway, I was feeling really kind of weird because of WarMan's lack of enthusiasm when greeting me after my trip away and then his hemming and hawing about having a sleepover. It made me feel unsafe - I immediately jumped to the Christmas trip from 2 years prior of when I came back from NY and M didn't want to see me much and then dumped me.

So yeah. When we came back from lunch he told me he supposed it would be ok, but to not expect sex AT ALL because he wasn't sure about his vasectomy pain. Of course I understood this and iterated that all I really wanted was to be close to him. He said ok, he supposed the timing would work. I had a Christmas party to attend that evening, from 4 pm to 9 pm, and he was going to go see Monkey, so it was fine for both of us. He told me though that he wanted to discuss Christmas and make changes.

This made me go on high alert. I had told him multiple times about the schedule and how we do things, but now he had decided that he wanted to leave Christmas morning instead of in the afternoon, to go to a Christmas party with his "adopted family." I was agitated and told him so. I said I supposed I could shift things and get everyone up earlier, but that it probably wouldn't be a popular idea. He said well in that case maybe he wouldn't worry about Christmas morning and maybe we could get together some other time to open presents.

This made me want to break down weeping. EXACTLY what had happened with M. First I was promised of course that we would get together for the holidays, and then right before it arrived, he canceled and it didn't happen. So, it wasn't good.

I asked him, if this was his adopted family, was I invited along? What was the status with that? I'm thinking, do they recognize me as his girlfriend, as a primary, as someone important? And he said no, he was barely invited himself and he wasn't going to bring me. This confused me and I told him so. Why was he barely invited at all if it's his adopted family? And if he was barely invited at all, why would he cancel our Christmas together to go there?

He said it was Monkey's husband's family, actually, and he had probably only been invited because Monkey insisted on it, or had asked her husband's parents about it, so it would be awkward to then ask if I could come.

This changed the view of things in my head. I said I had a LOT of issues with the idea of his "adopted family" not considering that he had a girlfriend and not understanding that idea that he would want to spend Christmas morning with her. I was upset that he would just accept that as an ok stance for them to have, to exclude me, and to not challenge it. HOWEVER, if he was adjusting our Christmas time together to accommodate seeing Monkey, that I was actually ok with. Especially since there are members of her family that he is close to and doesn't get to see very much. And of course I would feel awkward as hell, going to her event. Semantics meant a lot in this conversation.

To be continued once I find my phone charger.
 
Success! Now I can continue. :)

So, anyway, I told WarMan that I was very confused and feeling not very important or prioritized in his life, and coming right off a trip where I was hurrying home to see everyone, that the feelings sucked. I told him I really did need to sit and clarify with him what exactly he was doing in this relationship, and did he not realize how he was telegraphing things? He told me I needed to listen to what he was saying - that his words were saying everything exactly. Though, he said that yes, he shouldn't have said adopted family and just been straight out saying it was Monkey's extended family.

Of course, I have been working really hard the last few years to judge people based on their actions, not on their words. I am too trusting and forgiving in lots of areas of my life - I have actually made a concentrated effort to look beyond words and read what someone's actions are telling me. And I am sorry, but the actions I am seeing aren't lining up.

I told him I would adjust the Christmas morning for everyone in the household, but he has yet to tell me what time that should be exactly.

We had more discussions on the couch but time was escaping us and I left for my 4 pm party at like 4:15. I felt good where the conversation had ended but I did still feel a little bit concerned about our overall relationship. I put it out of my mind and had a super fun time at the party, hanging out with all my lady friends (it was a girls hangout at a friend's house - silly holiday games, snack foods and alcohol). I actually fielded a bunch of questions about WarMan and how my guys were doing - it was nice to have that acceptance of my life front and center.

As I was driving over to WarMan's at 9, as agreed, I called him up and we talked as I drove. He asked me what I needed from him to feel better, and I told him I needed to hear that he loved me and that he wanted to be a primary and that he has my back if members of his family don't want me around. Because, I really need that from my guys - if I can't trust that any of those are true, then I need to shift my thinking, because it isn't healthy for me to think one thing if it is actually another thing entirely.

When I arrived at WarMan's house, he gave me a huge hug - the one I needed - and he told me all of those things.

So that was good.

He was clearly feeling agitated though, and I felt bad we had spent so much time on my issues. I told him to work on what was most important, and I spent time wrapping his Christmas presents that he had bought for others, to free him up to do what he needed to do.

It was funny because when we finally made it into the bedroom, he was insistent that he needed to fuck me but I didn't let him penetrate me because I was afraid of harming his junk. Seriously, his balls are heavily bruised and kind of scary. We did have some amazing sex though, I have to say. I actually need to tell my BFF that her boyfriend is full of crap - there wasn't much hesitation from WarMan about cumming down my throat at all - his sex drive did not shut off for a month or even a week lol

So, Monday morning I spent the whole time catching up with my Biology class and grading their final quizzes and preparing transcripts. I left WarMan's, ran to the store to grab some gift bags, then went home to finished wrapping my gift for my homeschool Christmas party that afternoon. I had like a half hour break between that. So I grabbed my daughter and our gifts (she had a secret Santa gift exchange with the other kids in the group, and mine was a white elephant sort of thing with the moms) and we were on our way.

The party was from 2 to 4 pm and it was fun. My gift was actually the most popular and it was stolen many times. I came home with an AeroPress coffee maker. I don't drink coffee. Lol DarkKnight was enthusiastic about it though, so that is something, I suppose.

Upon arriving home, I took everyone's order and then drove to Alekos - a drive thru Greek place - with PunkRock and picked up dinner. We ate and then headed out to see Star Wars! No spoilers, but I have to say I rather liked it. At no time was I surprised though, and the storyline is definitely things seem before, but it was enjoyable, beautifully done and it felt like a Star Wars movie.

At the end of the movie, I looked at my phone to see that WarMan was having a bad night. He had actually asked where in the theater we were sitting, because he wanted to see me but there had been no seats available. He actually ended up seeing Star Wars by himself after we left the theater. :( This made me very sad, as I had absolutely included him when I purchased our tickets but he had said no because he thought he would probably see it with Monkey. Also that it might be awkward in the theater with everyone wanting to sit next to me.

Anyway, it really bummed me out that he was so bummed out. Actually, last night was the first time I ever felt super torn between all of my guys. I could tell that WarMan needed some lifting up, but since we were separated by time, distance and Star Wars, it just wasn't going to happen. And DarkKnight was really needing some time with me - I feel like he has continued to get the short end of the stick and I don't like that he has been so accommodating. Especially since I miss his face! Last night after the movie though - holy crap, I don't know what happened.

We all came in from the car and I was kissing PunkRock goodnight. Sometimes I will go downstairs and give him some lovins before heading up to bed with DarkKnight. I hadn't felt anything special going on in that regard with him, really, and was thinking I'd just get some kissyface and then go have sex with DarkKnight. Nope.

When PunkRock kissed me, it was like being transformed. Every fiber of my being focused on him and just froze. I could feel my energy just react with him and I NEEDED to be with this man. He could sense the change in me and responded in kind.

Yeah, we had amazingly hot sex last night.

I have no idea what caused that shift but when it hit, fuck, it was intense. I went from being stressed and overscheduled to just being riveted on him and his body and needing to have him inside me.

Ahem.

All that aside, honestly, I was back upstairs with DarkKnight in not that much time, and we had good snuggles. He told me he was actually too tired for sex but wanted to get some from me on Wednesdsy, which will be our next sleepover. Of course I said yes to that. :)

Gah! My schedule though! My house seriously looks like a bomb went off. I made my youngest promise to clean the dining room today, since that is the first room people see when entering my house. Top to bottom, super clean. Me, I need to empty my bedroom, which I should have done on Sunday or Monday, and make it completely cat free, so WarMan can have an allergen free place in my house. That and grocery shopping are my priority today. Everything else is going to have to wait. Well, I do have some Biology class transcripts to address and mail, and my friend who is adopting Winnie needs paperwork emailed to her, and I have some stuff to clean up in the game room and living room, but my bedroom and groceries are paramount and everything else is going to have to wait.

I have a gift wrapping party to attend tonight from 7 to 9 pm, but I don't have much to wrap as the last minute present I was still agonizing over was WarMan's, so that means one gift. Lol Actually, it is going to require some creative wrapping skills so I need some time to focus on it. I think I might also take my ornament that I haven't finished making yet - the one to commemorate the trip to the Mutter Museum this year.

Time to get to it!
 
Gawd, I am exhausted. I spent pretty much the entire day shopping for groceries. $530 later, I am stressed, tired and just done with the day. I did manage to send out the rest of my Biology class transcripts and the paperwork I needed to email for Winnie. So I do feel accomplished. Oh, but I am tired!

I canceled out of the gift wrap party I was invited to tonight and instead I think I am going to take a bubble bath, paint my toenails and color my hair. I am seriously bumming it right now and need to feel fabulous.

Of course, I haven't touched my bedroom yet. DarkKnight did remove the cat tree and the food, so that at least has been done. Sigh.
 
Instead of all the wind-down stuff I wanted to do last night, the bubble bath and whatnot, all I ended up doing was painting my toenails. WarMan came over and we talked about Christmas scheduling and I agreed to move my morning stuff to 8 am, so he can leave by 10 am to see Monkey's family. After he left, I stayed up half the night rereading The Crucible, since I just got it for my daughter to read for school. I had stress dreams all night. Gah!

Today I am working more on my bedroom and since DarkKnight has the day off I am going to go shopping with him this morning.
 
I had a good day. It started off a bit tense with WarMan - I texted him and he seemed really distant and busy so I told him I was going to shower since it seemed he didn't want to talk right then and he got upset, saying that he was working and had nothing to do with WANTING anything. I was kind of shocked at that response, since I was kinda like, okaaaaay. I'm still going to shower like I said, not sure why you are so angry. It felt like he was picking a fight, which sucked.

However, I decided to choose joy today and I didn't let it get me down. I had some nice, sweet and satisfying sex with DarkKnight. Then I went out with DarkKnight, picked up a gift for his niece and spent a bit of time finding a Christmas morning hat for WarMan. DarkKnight modeled some:

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Isn't he a cutie? We ended up getting the elf hat, just because the fedora was kind of tight and WarMan told us he has a big, fat head. Lol The elf hat was the loosest.

Everyone at my house puts on a goofy hat while opening presents. Just another one of our family traditions for Christmas. DarkKnight's hat is a regular Santa hat but with his name in gold written on the rim. My youngest daughter's is a black Santa hat that says "Naughty" and my son has this elf hat that has big fake ears on the side. Mine is a pink Princess Santa hat that actually doesn't fit anymore, and PunkRock doesn't have one. Or at least, he didn't, but he and I had gone shopping last week, and now he and I have new ones too:

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Anyway, it was nice to be out and about with DarkKnight today. We had lunch together at a sub place. When we got home I went nuts sanitizing my room to try and banish all the cat dander so WarMan can sleep over on Christmas Eve. I think I did a good job.

Unfortunately, my son's car broke down today and he had to have it towed, so I was late to the game store's Christmas party, since I had t drive over and grab my son from the repair shop. It was a fun time once I arrived, and DarkKnight and PunkRock were already there. WarMan texted me a good portion of the night and it felt like it was old times with him again, as he was flirtatious and sweet. Anyway, at the party we played a huge team battle of Star Wars X-Wing. I lasted to the end and we just got home. Time for sleep!
 
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Merry Christmas from all of us!

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So...Christmas. I had a great holiday and I hope everyone else did too. It seems a little surreal - is it really all done and over with? All that stress, just finished? Seems like it couldn't be true, but it is!

WarMan messaged me on and off through the day, telling me he was swamped at work and not to be upset when he arrived, as he would be exhausted and not at all shiny. He also told me he had a headache and that Monkey told him that she wouldn't be surprised if I was disappointed with him and his reactions (or lack of) on Christmas morning. I was just kinda like, huh? And left it at that.

We had our regular Christmad Eve spread at home after spending part of the afternoon at DarkKnight's mom's house. The food we made was delicious. :) Finger foods are easy, but they do add up to being pricey, but it's all good.

We opened our Christmas pajamas, did a round of pictures and then my friend arrived to pick up little Winnie. I was so sad to see her go, but glad she was getting a new home! Then, we all gathered around to light our candles, just like every year. I lit mine for my daughter's birthfather, who is struggling with alcoholism into the New Year. Then DarkKnight shocked me by lighting his candle in memory of my dad! I immediately burst into ugly tears and had to run over and hug him. It was so unexpected and loving on his part. I was terribly embarrassed though, to be breaking down so intensely, and almost instantly. Wow!

After finishing up, we all watched The Nightmare Before Christmas before heading off to bed.

Christmas morning, I woke up at 6 am to pee, only to hear my phone going off. What? Apparently WarMan - who was still on call - had to go home to get some info off of his computer for an early morning phone contact and inadvertently let my daughter's cat outside. I missed all the shenanigans though, and the cat was soon corralled and brought back inside. WarMan promised to return by 7:30, which was the time I had intended to get up, so no worries. He did get back by then, yay!

Everyone was up at 8, which is what we had decided to do, and presents were exchanged. Everyone knows how difficult this is for me, but this year was definitely better. I was actually floored over the amount of love these guys showered on me! DarkKnight had splurged and bought me my own laser printer, which is not only wireless but has AirPrint and prints double sided copies. WarMan had previously gifted me the family photos and my stuffed goat, but he also bought me some incredible bracelets, which I immediately put on. He bought me some WarMachine figures that I had been wanting too, which was pretty sweet. PunkRock had previously given me a Squatty Potty (which I highly recommend) and then went on to gift me $50 in gift cards to my favorite bra store and the Zombicide Expansion Box: Angry Neighbors. But to top that off, he also made me a new bracelet holder, which I desperately needed. Check it out:

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Sweet, right? I feel like I am in a jewelry store, in my own closet! The bracelets from WarMan are the brown leather cuff on the left side, 2nd rung, on the inside; third ring down on the right, on the inside; and the 4th rung on the left side, on the inside - blue beads with a wooden clasp.

The sad part about that photo is I have about 10 or so other bracelets that are downstairs at my craft desk, awaiting repair. I don't have an addiction or anything...

Oh! I want to share what I gifted to my guys! I have been so very excited but haven't been able to post about any of it, since they all read here, though somewhat sporadically. I didn't want to risk it! I bought DarkKnight a rotary waffle iron like they have at hotel breakfast buffets, and a huge book companion to his favorite series by Robert Jordan. For PunkRock, I bought him the tshirt version of the tank top that Kurt Russell wears in Big Trouble, Little China. Also, these:

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Yep, I had WarMan's photographer friend come in and take professional photos of our cats. I have been bursting about this! That's Stuart, Milton and Gus in the shared frame, and Stormy by herself in the single. We were lucky Stormy didn't take the fingers off of the guy taking the pictures - she was so pissed off at us for trying this! The other cats did great, but she was seriously upset. Still, her usual look is usually resting bitch face, so I think it is an accurate photo. Lmao

WarMan's gift, I am also super excited about! I found this place called Escape Room, and I paid for two vouchers. Basically, we'll go have a DC day trip and then spend an evening playing this neat game, where you are locked in a room and you have to solve puzzles to figure out how to escape before the time is over. It was highly recommended by my friends and I am really pumped for him to experience it. Imma pay for gas, and the Metro fees and meals - everything. I think it will be a fun and unique excursion.
 
I started another entry, because I was afraid of losing everything I had typed.

Anyway, it was a great Christmas morning. WarMan left right at 10 am, as we had discussed, and I went upstairs to sort my bracelets and get the holder set up. PunkRock and I had some intense sexy times and then we went back downstairs to chill out for a little while.

An hour later, I get a message from WarMan that he never made it past a couple of blocks from my house. He got another call from his work, and he was stuck figuring it out. By the time he finished, it was too late to drive the 2 hours to see Monkey's family, and he was really upset. He came back to my house to jump on my internet and file a report to his job, and was just bummed as could be. He said that he thought Monkey was going to be really angry as she was already giving him shade over text. I guess she had told him earlier she was expecting him to ditch her like he did on Thanksgiving, to spend more time with me.

This was frustrating for him, because he hadn't exactly been invited to Thanksgiving, if you remember, and this was really out of his control. Plus, working out the details with me had been a pain in the ass, since she had waited until the week of Christmas to ask him to attend this family thing, and didn't tell him the timing of it until late. So I had changed my plans to accommodate hers, and I hadn't been happy about it since it was affecting my entire family. He definitely didn't miss this thing for her on purpose.

So anyway, he decided to hang out all afternoon with us at my house, and go to Monkey's Christmas dinner at her house tonight, when she returned from the other event. At one point, WarMan pulled me aside and told me if he was up in other people's space or intruding, that he would leave, but that was just silly. We all ended up playing Zombicide: Black Plague and I really enjoyed the new setup. The guys all teased me though, because I kept eating salted meat cards to gain experience. Sigh.

Yeah. It was a good time, but I was sad for WarMan, that he went to so much trouble to make Monkey happy today and then to have it screwed up by his work.

I am going to be spending tomorrow with him, including an overnight, as he is leaving for Louisiana again on Sunday. He is returning on New Year'sand then heading out again the following Sunday. I am mega stressed about this, and I am hoping that it doesn't become a regular occurrence.

Anyway, after Zombicide today, everyone broke off to do their own thing, and DarkKnight soon followed me upstairs and proceeded to ravish me on my bed, quite unexpectedly. He is usually quite sweet and calm during sex, but he was spanking me and calling me a naughty girl. It was pretty great!
 
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... I found this place called Escape Room, and I paid for two vouchers. Basically, we'll go have a DC day trip and then spend an evening playing this neat game, where you are locked in a room and you have to solve puzzles to figure out how to escape before the time is over. It was highly recommended by my friends and I am really pumped for him to experience it...


OMG this sounded so amazing (we all love movies/TV contests based on this premise) - I checked and there is one of these in our nearest Big City! Yay! Thanks for the awesome idea!

JaneQ
 
I know a few people who've done the DC escape room and have seen nothing but positive posts about it on Facebook. What a great gift! I think you guys will have a blast. The kitty photos are freaking adorable too!!
 
Nice pix of you and your hubbies/bf and the cats and the cool bracelet holder!

I am sorry you continue to struggle with WarMan, though. He has brought a lot of stress to your life. Things would be so much calmer without him, but I understand you love him and want to make this work...
 
I am hoping the stress of the holidays was adding to a lot of our issues, and now that Christmas is over, we will have smoother sailing. I DO love WarMan, like an awful lot.

I had a good sleepover last night with PunkRock. I made him close my closet door, because I kept trying to look in at my bracelet holder. Lol We are planning a day trip tomorrow to Cumberland, to look at real estate and the city together, but also so I can maybe pick up another cool bracelet from the store that WarMan and I discovered the last time we were there. :) Anyway, I talked to PunkRock last night about how different this Christmas felt for me - I wasn't apprehensive or upset over gifts, and I was excited to be with all of them. Just happiness, the day of the holiday. I also told him about how I had been discussing his own transformation - in my eyes anyway - with DarkKnight.

I always call DarkKnight my rock, but lately I have been viewing PunkRock in that same vein. I feel supported and loved by him, and as time has gone by, he is just so integral in my life, I can't imagine him not being there. And guys, I TRUST that he will be there. PunkRock told me that well, duh. Lol He said he really felt that shift in my behavior and thoughts a year ago, but honestly, I don't know about that. I do know I feel it now. I always tell him "you're my person" and I actually feel like he feels the same way. Which is huge, because believing someone when they tell me they are in it with me, for always, is a difficult thing. But yeah, his behaviors match up with his words and I trust that they will in the future too. I do feel bad that it takes me so long to trust, but wow - what a wonderful feeling!

Last night, I also told him - hey, December 31st is the day I noticed you noticing me. He laughed and said that he had been noticing me long before but I never paid attention. :) I am so very happy that I finally did. These past two years with him have had some ups and downs, but there is zero doubt in my mind that he will be there for me, and that I will be there for him.

Ooh! DarkKnight just brought me this huge homemade waffle with syrup and whipped cream, toasted up from scratch in his new rotary waffle iron that I bought him. What a sweetie!
 
SO missing WarMan today! He is gone to Louisiana until New Year's Eve. I have been keeping quite busy though, and that has helped. Today, well, I kicked today's ass! Things scratched off my to-do list:

  • Took my son to work
  • Ordered 2 more copies of my ancestry scrapbook at Office Max
  • Trip to AC Moore to pick up a sponge brush to finish a project
  • Spring semester planning for my daughter - got her book list polished, and figured I have to plan two courses: Participation in Government & Computer Applications. Holy crap - this is her last bit of school - she graduates in June!
  • Got my hair cut, so I can color it tomorrow
  • Quick grocery store trip
  • Lunch date with DarkKnight
  • Made a doctor appointment for my daughter
  • Made dental appointments for my daughter and son
  • Paperwork dropped at the Humane Society for all 4 kittens, so they are now officially adopted
  • Vet appointments made for tomorrow, for new kitten Milton that we kept, and PunkRock's Stormy
  • Major dent in my "2016 state of the union" address for my guys
  • Bank deposit
  • Made plans with a friend to make bracelets together on Wednesday afternoon

And then I found time in between to finish a coloring page I began a while back, and start a new one. DarkKnight had a date night tonight, and I colored while in his bed, and he sat at his desk and put together his lego Dr. Who set that PunkRock got him for Christmas. :) After dinner, we watched an episode of Glee together.

OMG I am horny. I didn't have sex yesterday, or today yet.

Yesterday afternoon was kind of a down day for me, and I ate my lunch alone on the couch, feeling sorry for myself. I watched a documentary called "Twinster" and liked it, but it didn't improve my mood. I skipped going to D&D with DarkKnight to maybe play WarMachine, but I skipped out on that, which irritated PunkRock, since he then had to play instead, and he wasn't much in the mood for it either. But he did, which left me alone. I went upstairs after the movie and just felt all blah. I napped a bit, and when PunkRock was finished playing, he came up and hugged me.

The night went better, and DarkKnight and I discussed our ten year wedding anniversary, coming up in March. He really wants to be in a production of "Kiss Me Kate" in March, so that sort of limits any trips. He says he is going to tell the theater company that he'll need one weekend off. :) Right now the plan is to take an Amtrak excursion. Neither of us has ever stayed in a sleeper car, so the tentative plan is to travel west so we can spend one night on a train, then a day & night at the destination, and then come back. I think that sounds like fun. Hopefully we can find a great end point and enjoy ourselves. :) The other issue with scheduling though, is that PunkRock and I go to Great Wolf in March. I am sure we can work it out though.
 
All 3 of my guys texted me this morning, telling me they love me. DarkKnight came in to my bedroom with tea and kisses on his break. Still, I feel sad. I just masturbated - honestly, I don't think I have done that in 3 months or possibly even longer. It felt good, but just brought my mood way, way down.

I haven't had sex in two days. Still, enough with the sad. I am going to have a good day today!

Last night, PunkRock and I were just being silly in bed, he was in a rare mood where he was just laughing at everything I said. He had me laughing too - I love it when he is able to be joyous. The way he was looking at me - I just felt so much contentment and love from him! But I wasn't horny, and neither was he. We were just happy together.

We spent a half hour doing math, figuring out how many gallons our bathtub holds, and how many bottles of chocolate syrup or how many jars of Nutella it would take to fill it. And how much that would cost.

Goofiness.

Earlier today I spent some more time reading up on changing my name. I want it done before our first wedding anniversary. It just feels really important to me to do that. I am going to drop my middle name and replace it with PunkRock's last name.

Oh! It's lunch time! I am going to liberate some ham and Swiss from the fridge and talk to DarkKnight. We have a date night and sleepover tonight.

I need to color my hair today and have a serious talk with my son about the steps we need to take between now and March to get him independent. We'll generate a to-do list, so he can feel some accomplishment as the days tick off. That is very important, with his disabilities.Hopefully we will be able to get his repaired car back today from the shop. I don't want to have to drive him to work again tomorrow! Thankfully, he has Tuesdays off, so that's why I have been able to be lazy in bed today.
 
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