Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

So tired! PunkRock was up for work at 4 am, so I woke up as well. I am hoping sleep is again obtainable but at the moment it eludes me. Ugh.

I held a wrapping party last night, so 4 people helped out by boxing up and making some of the gifts beautiful, that were received for my Santa program. It’s insane to think that all of this was coceptualized and created 2 weeks ago. Holy hell. I am up to 180 individuals now, with maybe 14 unsponsored? Yesterday was exhausting and I was actually frazzled. Lol I spent the entire day answering the doorbell due to gift drop offs - so many gifts. I don’t think I have come across many donors who only bought a single gift for their person/people, and those that did, it didn’t matter, because my entire couch is currently full of “extra” presents that I have been grabbing to make sure everyone gets at least 3. For now.

For example - I have a single mom with 3 daughters. Mom received a 4-pack of new towels, a full size blanket, a stockpot for spaghetti, and a crockpot. Each of the daughters received a scooter (2 Frozen themed, 1 Minnie Mouse) and a complete outfit that matches the scooter theme. Oh, and a box of Christmas cookies each.

I have a family of 4: mom, dad, with 6 month old and 5 year old daughters. Mom is pregnant. Dad got socks and 2 pairs of jeans for work. Mom asked for maternity tops and pajama pants, and she got two of each. Each daughter got s stocking - the baby’s has wipes and bath stuff in it, older girl has toys and candy. The 5 year old is getting a brand new bike and a Minnie Mouse helmet, a puzzle, and a board game. She also asked Santa to please bring her a gift to wrap for her little sister, as she has no money but her sister needs to get s gift from her. So, Santa is bringing an unwrapped Laugh and Learn stuffed puppy to wrap with her when we visit. The 6 month old is getting a new car seat, so she can switch over when the new baby is born. That way both little ones will have car seats!

Guys, I have almost 70 families who are getting comparable Christmas swag. It’s mind blowing that I did this in two weeks time.The city zinlive in gets such a bad rap, but the reality is that it runs on kindness behind the scenes. The generosity is humbling.
 
BB, you must be exhausted! I'd be dead. All this Blessing Box stuff has completely exploded. It's great, fantastic, heartwarming, that so many people have donated new and used items for your community, but it's not so great for your health. You sound entirely overworked, even for you.

And in the midst of all that, which would be enough for anyone, you have PunkRock's backslide, and you even broke up with Cornflower!

I kind of predicted that breakup to myself long ago, since sex is (or was...) so important to you, and he was terrible in bed. I hope you can remain friends, since he sounds super nice otherwise. Any chance he can help with the Blessing Box? ;)

I hope you can get more people to donate their TIME to help you organize all those donations. And even maybe space to store donations, since your house is overloaded. But it sounds super fun to go around town with DarkK, playing Santa, and making people happy!
 
Does Maryland still require 75 community service hours to graduate high school?

Would it be worth trying to get more "regular" volunteers to work on blessing box stuff so that it's not on you so much? Either your students that you already teach who need service hours, or really and high school kids from the local schools that can come more often than just on the occasional one-off when you request volunteers? The blessing box has grown to such a size that maybe it would be easier if you were more just managing the projects and volunteer coordinating and had to do less of the marking, filling, wrapping, organizing, labeling, etc. of the items themselves. Especially if so much of the stuff is kept on your porch where volunteers can get access without having to constantly be in and out of your house.
 
I do get in community service volunteers on and off - that always helps. Sometimes I get girl scouts as well. This past week has been good for volunteers - I have had a couple of wrapping parties with 3-4 people helping out at each.

Going out with DarkKnight was an absolute blast. I shared a whole bunch of photos on our Facebook page. It’s been an amazing success.

The Blessing Box had nothing to do with my breakup with CornFlower. We have remained friendly. He stopped by this past Friday with a gift for a child he sponsored. So that was nice.

I can say with certainty that the Santa program has completely exploded beyond anything I ever thought I wanted to do - now it’s just a matter of getting everything out of my house and going back to the low level crazy. Lol
 
I finally have time to write again. Hi everyone! I'm not even sure where to focus.

DarkKnight has been dressing as Santa the last two Sundays and going around with me to deliver presents to families in the community. It has been amazing! So much happiness and joy! It's invigorating and such an emotional boost. He is enjoying it immensely as well.

We had sex with him dressed as Santa on Sunday night and it was hilariously fun. How many people can say they've banged Santa? :D LMAO It was hot and silly and just a really good time. I love DarkKnight so much - everyday I am reminded in some way how lucky I am to have him in my life.

Tonight he and I are going out to buy supplies for some of our homemade Christmas gifts - we have to mail out my oldest daughter's stuff on Friday so they get to New York in time for the holiday. I am excited to have a date night with him where we are focusing on togetherness and our family. <3

PunkRock and I have been doing really well too. He's been sick lately, so our sex life has been suffering. Still, he gives me lots of attention and love. He has been hired directly by the company he was doing temp work for - an entire month ahead of schedule! His work ethic shines through, as always. <3 We wont know until this weekend what his medical costs will be, insurance, etc. I am anxious about it, but he got a raise when signed on fully, and the feeling is that it HAS to be cheaper cost than when working for the staffing agency.

I have decided to not continue teaching - I have one final class next week for Biology. The time I am doing that takes away from the Blessing Box, and both my husbands and I feel like my effort is better directed toward helping the community than making a few thousand dollars. That said, until we have accurate numbers on PunkRock's benefits, I am edgy about what the financial impact of me not working will be. We have some changes happening with our youngest as well - she will be 21 and we will no longer be forwarding her adoption subsidy to her each month to cover her rent, due to it stopping at that age. So we don't know how well she will do without that support. It's not insignificant!

I have a couple of romantic nibbles on the horizon but nothing I am pursuing at the time being. I'm kind of eh about new partners. I am waiting to test until after the first of the year, and I don't really have the time. SirGawain's ex-FWB's husband (heh) is still interested in meeting, but they haven't moved yet and until they are in Baltimore, I feel like it's kind of weird to be sexting and having conversations. I have never done well with long distance and trying to support a connection with someone I have never met is kinda difficult for me. I also have been receiving messages from DarkKnight's personal trainer! He owns a gym in town and is super fit and super sexy. He is newly divorced (early Spring) and looking for a regular, reliable D/s FWB relationship. We have always been friendly online and I have met him out and about briefly a couple of times. I think we would have fun together.

I have my first hypnotherapy appointment tomorrow after class, and I am hoping it goes well. I have no idea what to expect. I am really, really wanting it to be effective so I can get rescanned and have new aligners made. I need to get my Invisalign done. I am hoping it can be finished this time next year.

PunkRock has been going to his AA meetings every week. Friday is our first joint therapy appointment. I still remain upset about the situation with his drinking again, and it hurts my heart whenever I think about it.
 
Last night was a fun excursion with DarkKnight. We ended up going to dinner at Mango Grill, our favorite Indian restaurant. He had me message PunkRock early in the evening, so he showed up just as we did. DarkKnight said that any other restaurant, we could go have a romantic couple-y evening at, but having PunkRock miss out on Mango Grill would be a travesty! Lol We laughed about it, because more than likely if I told PunkRock to get himself something to eat, he probbly would show up there anyway, see us eating together, and throw a table. LMAO (PunkRock isn’t prone to violent outbursts, at all.) It was nice to eat out with both of my guys. <3

I have to teach this morning, and then I have my first hypnotherapy appointment. Tonight we are hosting Zombicide again. We were supposed to meet Monday but no one remembered. Lol

Right now I have to pop in the shower and then go clear off some donations so I can actually teach today. My class yesterday ended a little bit early and they spent some time marking UPC codes together, and now I need to put them away!
 
All the best with the hypnotherapy. I've had a very successful experience with it, I hope you do, too.
 
Thanks! It was a very successful visit! This was like, the evaluation. It took 45 minutes, and it was basically me talking about all of my trauma, and the therapist talking about what she does. I will be doing 3 visits, about 5-6 days apart from each other. $255 total. The last part of the appointment, she had me do a relaxation exercise and holy hell - to say I am suggestible to this stuff is an understatement! I can’t wait to go for the real thing! My first official sesssion is going to be mid-January.

I am having a wrapping party today at 1 pm. PunkRock has the day off and he promised to help me at 11 am to move all of the totes full of gifts that are re day, from my foster kitten room into the overflow space. I think I have 7 families picking up presents tomorrow?

Funny story - DatkKnight has the day off too! He didn’t know it, so he did his morning routine and signed in and everything, before finding out he had a vacation day! He is back in bed.

I am still in bed myself, but with PunkRock. He has the next two days off. Tomorrow he and I have our therapy appointment together.

Yesterday was a busy day overall but low key stress. I actually got up, showered, filled the Blessing Box and was ready for my Biology class to start at 8 am. The only problem was that my class started at 9 am. Lol I was early! It worked out because my daughter called and wanted to come over. She is finally going to enroll in college in the Spring and she wanted moral support while she called the admissions office. She has an appointment next week now. Her plan is to go to the community college for two years and then transfer to the University of Maryland University College to get a Bachelor’s in Cybersecurity. We talked about that until my class started, and then she left and came back with lunch! (I sent her $20 for 5 Guys.) We are together and then she left for work.

This was great timing, because then I was off to the hypnotherapy appointment. After that, I went and picked up my son and brought him to my house. We arrived and then had to go back out to the grocery store. Lol Upon returning, I helped him make sugar cookies to send to his sister - my oldest daughter - for Christmas. (She has the idea that we do a homemade Christmas this year.) He finished them up and then helped me fill a few totes with presents from my
Santa Letters.

By this time, it’s around 5 pm, so DarkKnight took my son home (my son is 29 and doesn’t drive anymore since he had two car accidents back to back). I stayed and did more sorting, but then our Zombicide partner arrived. I ordered pizza, and then I marked UPC codes while we talked. DarkKnight picked up the pizza on his way home, and PunkRock showed just after the pizza did! This session of the game took 2 hours, and we won - I wouldn’t say easily, but we did well. We are now halfway through all of the missions in Toxic City Mall.

While the game was going on, I did 2 loads of laundry. So I had warm jammies when I went downstairs for bed. I spent two hours browsing reddit, answering incoming messages (there were a lot) and just fucking around on my phone. Then I fell asleep. Done!
 
Today was busy. My cat Milton went to the vet at 8 am, and PunkRock went along, since Milton is technically his personal pet jerkface. lol It was just a regular checkup and all is well. Afterward, we went to McDonald's for a quick breakfast, and then we had our therapy appointment together. I guess it went ok. PunkRock was pretty open, and he talked about seeing his regular therapist next year - he wants to get his med levels checked, and he might get an AA sponsor, but since he isn't sure how helpful continuing to attend those meetings will be, he doesn't know about if he could have a sponsor or not. I turned in my hynotherapist form (she wanted me to have a paper signed) and we went on our way after.

We decided to stop at a thrift store we hadn't gone to before and that was fun. I found some scrapbooking items that would have been $100+ but instead I bought them for less than $4. That's always awesome! We had subs for lunch, and we got home around 12:45 pm. I am exact on that time, because I had a wrap party scheduled for 1 pm, and I was freaking out internally about being late. When we got home, DarkKnight had been taking in donations all morning and I couldn't physically enter the space. I was like OH SHIT. lol However, a lot of it was produce donated by a church for Fresh Food Friday, so I just relocated it outside. I think we had 25 clamshells of fresh baby spinach and spring mix salads, lemons, limes, pomegranates, papaya - it was great! I was able to get everything else sorted and stored just in time as my volunteers arrived.

So then we got 8 families' presents wrapped, all the while being constantly interrupted by other families picking up the gifts that were wrapped the day before. lol There were a bunch of deliveries of presents that will be delivered next week as well. DarkKnight ran interference and got all that handled, for the most part. We had someone drop off a set of 4 brand new tires for a dad, plus gift cards to cover the mounting and balancing. That was pretty amazing. He came over immediately to pick them up and was very polite and grateful. That's always awesome to see.

After the wrap party finished, I filled the Blessing Box, posted some things and then got together some special requests for pickup. DarkKnight and I decided to go out to dinner, so I gave $10 to PunkRock and he was happy to go off on his own. Funny thing - we ALMOST ended up at the same restaurant, as he went over to the Hibachi Buffet. DarkKnight tried to talk me into there, but it was dark and raining and I was like, let's just go to REAL hibachi right around the corner, so we did that instead. Then PunkRock sent me a picture of some sushi and we laughed. lol My dudes are sometimes too similar!

After dinner, I came home, put my pajamas on and then spent an hour having DarkKnight move the bins of presents that were wrapped today, into the living room. Then he moved bins of unwrapped gifts into the overflow area, so I can have them ready for the wrap party tomorrow. lol After I was done ordering him around (this sounds bad, but I was using my excel spreadsheet to tell him which bins went where, etc) he ran off to make his bed, and I have been sitting and sending messages to the families we will be delivering to on Sunday - setting the schedule, figuring out who wants to open the presents, who wants to save them for Christmas (we bring those kids one small present to open), and what time works. The scheduling is a pain in the ass. lol

Now I am done with that, and I am going downstairs to say goodnight to PunkRock, and to steal his ipad so I can read Mortal Engines tonight. We want to go see the movie tomorrow, and the first two books he bought for Kindle, and there's no way to transfer them to my phone. I'm going to snag that and then go cuddle up with DarkKnight until I fall asleep. <3

Tomorrow I plan to color my hair first thing, and then box up all of the gifts we are sending to my oldest daughter in NY. Wrap party at 1 pm and then in the evening, DarkKnight was talking about going to a play, but I am not sure as it isn't his date night. We will see!
 
Last edited:
Today I have another wrap party scheduled and I am hoping to finish up with the last 10 families’ gifts. We have 8 Santa deliveries this afternoon, though most of those are already wrapped and ready to go.

My Operation: Christmas Smile GoFundMe is kind of stalled out. We raised $1055 for the mom who needs dentures but we need like $2000 more. This morning I am going over to the recipient’s home for an interview for the local news station. I don’t think I will be in it much - I really want her to take the lead and be the focus. I haven’t been promoting things much at this point because we are on hold for progressing with her treatment anyway - we are waiting to hear from donated dental and see how much of a discount they will give to us, and there is a January plastic surgeon appointment we have to sail through to move forward. Still, it’s exciting!

My house is slowly coming back to being mine. The foster room now just has empty bins in it, and you can walk in my living room. I boxed up all of my Chemistry and Biology equipment - I was actually kind of emotional about it. I will not be teaching anymore, and it’s a rough thing to let go of that part of my identity. I have been a teacher for 6 years. Now when people ask me what I do, I don’t have an answer. PunkRock and DarkKnight are both very supportive though. I sold everything to two different homeschool moms, so that I Flux of cash the week before Christmas is nice.
 
Bluebird said:
Now when people ask me what I do, I don’t have an answer.
Click to expand...

You run Blessing Box. It's the reason you chose to leave teaching... it's what you do, and part of who you are.

Have you looked into becoming a 501(c)3? If people could claim their donations, more people may be willing to donate.
 
I have looked into becoming a not for profit, but I have continued to keep it grass roots. I couldn’t handle more donations, honestly! For now I am just going to keep the paperwork out of my life. I can do what i want, when I want, and i don’t need to check with anyone about what I think is right.

Today is DarkKnight’s last day as Santa. My living room is back to normal now, so that alone is a huge relief! I have so much to do for our own Christmas though - I finally decorated my tree last night.
 
Merry Christmas from DarkKnight, BlueBird & PunkRockAwesomesauce!

picture.php
 
Merry Christmas! From MrS, JaneQ, Dude
(one cohabitating poly-Vee to another:D)
 
I had an emotional day. My youngest and my oldest came over before noon and we had fun opening presents. Everyone spoiled each other rotten with both homemade and store-bought gifts.

DarkKnight bought me Mysterium from a local game store downtown, and apparently PunkRock tried to get it as well, but thankfully the store owner laughed and told him to check with DarkKnight. Lol It pays to buy local! We played two games of it this afternoon as a family and we all had fun. I was the ghost - for the first game we lost but we won the second! Everyone enjoyed it.

PunkRock got me a weighted blanket which I am absolutely loving. He also gave me two smart plugs to use with my Echo Dot and some Pusheen mermaid slippers! Which were hilarious because in the morning I made a comment about how I was the only one in the house with no slippers! That’s not true anymore. :)

I started to get worried later on because no one heard from my oldest daughter (in New York) at all. No texts, no phone calls. Not hearing from her on holidays just is completely out of character. My other kiddos went home and around 9 pm I was just really stressed out. I was thinking of maybe calling the police - I was that anxious. Eventually she did get ahold of me though - she had left her phone at home and spent the day at her birthfather’s mom’s house. Fuck. I am still upset about it. She had to work tonight so she still didn’t call me. Her current boyfriend messaged me and was being super weird and paranoid. He is a former heroin addict and I don’t even understand what he was trying to get at, honestly. Ugh. I should hear from my daughter tomorrow she says, but this is some strange, out of character shit.

So that had me out of sorts, and I ended up taking my tree completely down tonight. I just finally got it decorated this weekend, so it almost made me cry. It just feels like I am being hit by this post-Christmas downer and it sucks. I had a great holiday overall and I feel so very loved, but at the same time it feels like my Christmas is just over too fast. I spent the entire month focused on Blessing Box stuff and the individuals we were sponsoring for holidays (196 people - finally did the last bit of math to get the statistics done). This didn’t leave me a whole lot of time to look at my own Christmas stuff. And now my tree is gone. I have someone dropping off 6 tables and a shit ton of chairs tomorrow morning, so I need the space to stage those to be delivered when DarkKnight gets off work in the afternoon.

I feel like a crybaby. Honestly, it’s kinda like my pre-menstrual nonsense. I can feel that I am being unreasonable, and that my emotions are out of whack, but I can’t make it stop. I want to burst into tears but I’m like, come on, what the hell?! Think this through! So I don’t appear to be off balance but I sure do feel it. Both of my husbands are very supportive and snuggly, thank goodness, though I am not letting them comfort me too much. I just feel dumb.

The rest of the year should go fast. DarkKnight works the rest of the week, but PunkRock is only scheduled for tomorrow and Saturday. I think we will get with our gamer friend and get into some Zombicide on Thursday, if he is available. I am going to call the doctor and get an appointment for sometime in January for a round of STD testing - my first post breakup checkup. I am also expecting to hear from the hypnotherapist about my schedule with her, which will be 3 appointments in January.

Both my daughters have birthdays in January, so I need to budget some cash to get them presents. I still have to mail out my sister’s kids’ gifts - I will do that Friday. Speaking of budgeting, we haven’t scheduled our State of the Union yet and I am stressed about that. PunkRock and I are going to do his medical paperwork for his new position on Thursday and we will see how that goes. Then I need to do planning.

Which reminds me that I need to finish my Biology transcripts tomorrow and get them mailed out by Friday as well!
 
Tiring day. Lots of Blessing Box stuff. I feel like my house will never be clean! I need to hire someone to come over and give the entire place a good scrubbing.

Right now I am waiting for DarkKnight to get home with Burger King. We are supposed to be playing Zombicide tonight but for the last hour, PunkRock has been bitching and moaning while cleaning the cat fountain and moving Christmas decorations into the basement. I hate when he is in a bad mood - it instantly makes me unhappy as well.

I feel like I need to take a shower but I have an hour until I no longer have to answer the door. With PunkRock grumbling in the basement and DarkKnight gone, I am stuck hanging out in the living room. I have two people scheduled to pick up stuff so I don’t dare pop into the bathroom without a backup! Ugh. I guess I will just feel gross. I haven’t worn a bra all day so that is contributing, I think. It’s just an overall ugh feeling.

Tomorrow I will have a lot of phone calls to make. I need to schedule some of my Blessing Box presents - I have a gift certificate for a free hair cut at a local salon, a gift certificate for a 90 minute massage and then I need to make an appointment for STD testing. I will have a busy beginning to the year, but at least things will be fabulous.
 
I still have yet to hear from my oldest daughter, and I am full on freaking out at this point. She never has been one to not contact me a few times a week, even if it’s just a random “made you look!” text. The fact that she has completely blown off everyone in our family is so completely out of character, over the holidays, has me thinking the worst. I hate to say it, but I am terrified that she has gotten herself mixed up with drugs because of her boyfriend.

She has a chemical dependency counseling degree! She hated her birth mother for years for not getting clean and for losing custody. Still, I don’t know what else to think at this point.

My youngest was here today, and she’s like, mom, big sis is totally not herself and hasn’t been herself since dating this guy. Her face looks skeletal and scary and not herself. I mean, she is sleeping under bridges when traveling!

I actually called my ex tonight - he was driving and said he would call me back when he got home. I sooo didn’t want to make that call, so you know I am worried. He told me he hasn’t heard from her the entire holiday season either, and he said he had been trying to reach her. Which, is telling, because his ass never tries to get ahold of her - it’s ususlly the other way around.

I don’t know what to do. My daughter is a grown ass woman - she will be 28 on the 7th. Still, she has never ever had this radio silence. It’s very scary for me. My youngest is encouraging me to just drive to New York and show up on her doorstep. I don’t know if I am ready to do that, and I am really afraid anyway, to find out that she is doing heroin. What do I do then?
 
Fuck. Talked to my ex husband on the phone for an HOUR. That’s unheard of. He didn’t hear from her for Thanksgiving OR Christmas. He said every text has just been on read.

After we hung up, I texted my daughter’s best friend. Surely she could tell me I was being paranoid! Instead, I got this:

I never heard from her as well. Not even on my birthday. We always get together to celebrate our birthdays together. Nothing. I haven’t hear from her in a long time. [Boyfriend] is bad news. I’m worried as well. I know they’ve done drugs together. His wife just died from overdosing from being with him. Not to scare you but my hubby went to school with him. I told her this was a bad idea.

You know how close we were. He changed her. I’m scared for her. I miss her. I want my best friend back. This is the first year we haven’t gotten together since we met almost 9 years ago!

***

I am now terrified for my daughter. I am crying and don’t know what to do.

My tentative plan now is to drive to New York on Thursday and just show up and hope for the best. I can stay at my mom’s. My youngest is going to come with me if she can.
 
I'm so sorry BB. That sounds truly terrifying. And it's especially hard since she was upset her bio mother was a drug abuser and even went into the field of counseling addicts herself.

It's a shame... but addiction usually runs in families. Hopefully you can find her and help her get help. I will be thinking about you.

Gah, just when she's an adult and you think she'd doing well...!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top