Bluebird
Well-known member
I was texting PunkRock and he came home. We sat and had an okay conversation on the couch. We went through some of the movies and that was not a problem at all. We agreed to do a house walkthrough on Sunday night. I told him about his stepmom manufacturing drama and he said do not even let it bother me because he is well aware of her ability to make things crazy. I told him I would be happy to show him anything I have posted if he wanted. He didn’t want.
He said he wanted to clarify that he hadn’t actually stopped loving me - he said that in the heat of the moment and it wasn’t as intended. He asked if he could take that back and say what he felt instead. He said that it was a year ago when he realized he couldn’t stay with me forever. He said the love was still there, but his life wasn’t working for him. Because of everything else going on, he didn’t want to add to that stress by sharing his. I told him I could understand that a lot better, and not gonna lie - it made my mind quieter because I was really questioning about how this man that I loved so much could look at me and fake his feelings for a year. I am glad that is not actually the case. It makes me calmer. I take ownership of the fact that it would have been rough decoupling in the midst of all of the crazy last year, and I understand how hard that would have been for our entire family - and PunkRock.
I told him that I am still very bothered that he started dating HippieChick on a lie - to say that we were solid. I said it really is unethical and dishonest, and that just makes her an escape plan and a rebound. I am sure she would rather be starting a relationship with him based in truth and a clean break. He agreed but I suppose it doesn’t matter to me in the long run. It just made everything messier than it needed to be. That is 100% on him.
We also talked about the kids and how that was going. Honestly, this discussion made me very sad, but it also helped a great deal. I honestly see a time in the future where we might be friends. It is a long way out, because I always need a clear break and cool off period, but I don’t see why a year from now I couldn’t upvote his cat memes and painting projects. Until my heart heals and I can let all of the love exit though, I can’t keep a connection going. I need it to end quick.
He said he wanted to clarify that he hadn’t actually stopped loving me - he said that in the heat of the moment and it wasn’t as intended. He asked if he could take that back and say what he felt instead. He said that it was a year ago when he realized he couldn’t stay with me forever. He said the love was still there, but his life wasn’t working for him. Because of everything else going on, he didn’t want to add to that stress by sharing his. I told him I could understand that a lot better, and not gonna lie - it made my mind quieter because I was really questioning about how this man that I loved so much could look at me and fake his feelings for a year. I am glad that is not actually the case. It makes me calmer. I take ownership of the fact that it would have been rough decoupling in the midst of all of the crazy last year, and I understand how hard that would have been for our entire family - and PunkRock.
I told him that I am still very bothered that he started dating HippieChick on a lie - to say that we were solid. I said it really is unethical and dishonest, and that just makes her an escape plan and a rebound. I am sure she would rather be starting a relationship with him based in truth and a clean break. He agreed but I suppose it doesn’t matter to me in the long run. It just made everything messier than it needed to be. That is 100% on him.
We also talked about the kids and how that was going. Honestly, this discussion made me very sad, but it also helped a great deal. I honestly see a time in the future where we might be friends. It is a long way out, because I always need a clear break and cool off period, but I don’t see why a year from now I couldn’t upvote his cat memes and painting projects. Until my heart heals and I can let all of the love exit though, I can’t keep a connection going. I need it to end quick.
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