Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

[Bluebird]

Yesterday was interesting! I accomplished everything on my list, and we hosted a fun game night. TheEngineer and his wife attended, as well as AdorkableDude - who I dated last summer - and his wife. We had a chili pot luck and then played Zombicide: Green Horde. I really enjoyed seeing AdorkableDude, as he seemed in much better spirits from when we broke up. And I always got along with his wife, so I was happy to spend time with her again.

Honestly I was surprised to see TheEngineer since he had dipped on me for Friday’s date but he and his wife were totally into the game and hanging out, so IDK. I am really hoping we can connect this coming week sometime. He said he might be able to come and see me on Tuesday during the day again, and I’m hoping I can do dinner on Wednesday.

Seriously all next week is crazypants. Either I am completely unscheduled, or my day is full.

On Monday I have my class at the college about making a will. True story - I signed up for that BEFORE the issues I was having! Then immediately after, I have the oncology appointment. MisterMoonbeam has his photography class in the evening so I am thinking about switching out overnight tomorrow because DarkKnight is home then! Maybe DarkKnight and I can see a movie??

Tuesday is empty. Usually MisterMoonbeam would go into the office, but there’s nothing on the calendar.

Wednesday I have therapy, and a visit from my life insurance rep. I need to change my bank account auto withdrawal and they asked if I wanted a rep to go over my benefits and stuff, so I was like, sure. I have a very small policy just to cover my cremation. I don’t see me getting approved for an increase at this point, nor do I feel I need one. However, I do want to confirm my beneficiaries. Anyway, therapy, life insurance, and then my Wiccan class: that’s my Wednesday.

Thursday I have dance in the evening with MosterMoonbeam, but then I am free the entire weekend. I’m not sure how that happened. Lol I’m thinking we will try to do a D&D meetup and another game night but we need to figure that out.

Today I finished the 3 remaining art boxes and all of the resulting trash is in the van. We’re almost full enough for another dump run. The spare bedroom is all set up but it’s looking sparse. I need to do something for a headboard and hang the artwork I’ve chosen. I also need to figure out the blinds - the cellular shade that is there is making it so the window doesn’t open. I bought curtains but I think I want to exchange them for longer ones that reach the floor. I also need to organize all my paperwork - I’m glad it has a place to pile up now, but it’s a jumbled mess!




I don’t think I shared, but the sunroom is back into its old configuration, now that the tree is finally down. The guys are going to finally complete putting up the cat highway this coming weekend, in between DarkKnight’s shows. I’m excited about that.







I want to get more succulents and plants. The glass coffee table needs to be moved back into this space, but first I need to buy a new wooden one for the living room.

In other news, MisterMoonbeam bought a suit for our wedding. It’s navy. He also bought a white dress shirt, and some new brown shoes with a matching belt. We found the PERFECT tie but it was too short - he needs an extra long length. The business owner said he would see what he could do with his supplier. So while we wait for the suit to arrive, we will find out about the tie.

Today he was looking at rings online. I have my heart set on a moss agate engagement ring. I don’t even wear the rings I have from DarkKnight, but moss agate is extremely affordable and it’s absolutely fucking gorgeous. I think he has a good idea about what I like. I’m not supposed to consider myself engaged until he officially proposes, so he’s still just my partner and not my fiancé at this point. He’s said several times how it’s important to him to propose the right way. So I am patiently waiting for that. He’s not a flashy guy so I have no idea what he is even thinking, to be honest.

 

[Bluebird]

I go from being sad and just down, to being devastated, to being excited and joyful. I have never had emotions bouncing around so much in my life. I am a naturally busy person, so that helps, but I find myself just at a loss to remember what the point of my plans are sometimes.

I don’t know that therapy is helping yet. She is good at affirming my choices and it’s been helpful to be able to talk about each of my relationships. She asks questions in a way that I can tell she knows her stuff (I’ve had so much therapy over the years omg). Still Wednesday is only my 4th time seeing her and I’m looking for a quick fix that is not going to arrive.

My upcoming wedding has me so conflicted. I love MisterMoonbeam so much, but I’d be so much happier if I were planning a 2025 handfasting in our backyard with family & friends. I was *giddy* in December when he told me he was considering a commitment ceremony, and that he wanted to take time to do a special proposal. We were at the Botanical Gardens in Ohio.



I can feel that day again, when I look at this picture. The roof of this tree was wired with fiber optics and as the colors changed, we were both glowing.

I’m crying now.

How is this my life? What if this is the rest of my life? What if the appointment tomorrow is a confirmation that it is cancer and it’s not just contained to my uterus? What if they take everything and I still need chemo? What if I’m going to fucking die this year? Was that really my last Christmas? How can I divorce DarkKnight only to die with him being single then? Is he still a widower then, even though we divorced legally? How can I die and make two men widowers? MisterMoonbeam is already a widower. It’s so very unfair to him, why would the universe not care? He deserves a love that lasts. They both do. I do. If I’m going to die, I don’t want to be 47. The age of 46 seems more like me because 4 plus 6 is an even number. That doesn’t even make sense. Oh, 48 is like, my favorite number. Can I make it until then?

These are my stream of consciousness thoughts. They’re stupid and dramatic. My appointment tomorrow will not confirm cancer. I know that already. They can’t do that with the tests I have at this time. My gynocologist already said that. It will be a physical exam and a Pap smear, and they’ll schedule the surgery. I will meet the surgeon and he’ll tell me if I can wait until the end of May to schedule the procedure. That’s it.

I’m so scared.

I need to figure out a veil or a headpiece for my outfit. I need flowers - a bouquet and then a boutonnière for MisterMoonbeam. You know, I’ve had three weddings and only the first had live flowers. I made the arrangements when I married DarkKnight and PunkRock. I will make them for this next wedding too. I hope I get a Beltane wedding. I’m not even Pagan, so I don’t know why May 1st seems to have taken ahold of me. MisterMoonbeam is Pagan though. We need to get him sized for a ring. I have one saved on Amazon that he likes okay with a moss agate highlight that will match mine. Super inexpensive. At first he didn’t seem into the idea - which was fine with me - but now he seems to really want one.

I’ve been thinking about the photography and the timing of things. I want to get hair and makeup done at Ulta Beauty - the lady that did my stuff for the wildling masquerade last year was amazing! I’m getting my ends dipped/dyed before that though. I want my hair my natural silver with navy ends. That would look amazing against the white dress! So maybe that morning we will have breakfast, and then I will go get my hair & makeup done and come back home to get dressed. We’ll drive to the officiant’s house in Williamsport, and we’ll have the photographer there to take pictures while we sign the papers. Then we will go to the C&O canal where we’ve walked in the past and take pretty outdoor pictures. We’ll sit by the water and have champagne and cupcakes after we say our vows. Maybe pack a picnic? We’ll have a first dance - we’ll do a simple Foxy along the banks of the canal and give each other kisses. I’m going to buy or make a sign that says Just Eloped.

I think that will be it with the photographer.

We will rent an airBnB or a Vrbo for the night. Something with a backyard so we can do sparklers. I want to do matching pajamas but then wear no pajamas!

Maybe we will drive to Virginia and have dinner the next day with his folks. I’d like to do a hike along the banks of the Rappahannok because that’s where he released his late wife’s ashes. Maybe put some fresh flowers in the water for her? Beltane is on a Wednesday, so we could stay in Virginia for a day but then continue on to someplace else for the weekend. I don’t know where though. I want to make tshirts or ball caps or something saying to the world that I’m Mrs. Moonbeam.

I want this so badly but then it’s one of the worst things to ever happen to me. I love him so much. Why must the world be this way? My DarkKnight deserves better. I know this hurts him. It hurts me. Happiness should not hurt.

I do not wish for a different life. I couldn’t.

Someone today posted something on Facebook about taking a red pill and going back to age 10 but retaining your memories to this point so you could do things over. Or you could choose to take the blue pill and be age 45 with $50 million. This was difficult for me.

I want to be alive and walking under the trees and also in my warm bed with cats on either side of me. All of that for longer. How could I not choose to be young again, to experience all of that again. I would be able to go back and be me again, for all of that time, in spite of the pain and struggle and confusion that I had throughout my life. But.

What of the opportunity give to my family and my loves $50 million? With this choice, I could live last year again, at least, and have that short time again. And they would have that money to do amazing things.

Yes, that’s what I would choose. I would be afraid to make different choices as a child. If I went too far back, maybe I would miss checkpoints and not end up with my real life. I choose the blue pill so I don’t miss out on what was my joy. Plus I could enrich my loves.

This is just a thought experiment though. Instead, I must be content. For me, I am rich enough already with the time I’ve had. I love my life. I choose the joy I have now.

Moving forward.

 

[Bluebird]

On time for my wills class. I was anxious this morning and MisterMoonbeam was super sweet. No one is coming to the oncology appointment later, as I told them to not burn their leave time at work for a preliminary appointment. MisterMoonbeam cleared his afternoon, in case I need support then. He has photography class in the evening, so DarkKnight & I got tickets to see Argyle. TheEngineer messaged me first thing today, telling me to call if I need to talk and that he’s thinking of me.

 

[Bluebird]

Well, here’s the update, and it’s not good.

I knew the surgeon today was not going to tell me that I did or didn’t have cancer. That wasn’t on my radar at all. And he didn’t. However, I think everyone here at Blackbird Manor is in agreement that otherwise it was the worst case scenario that happened.

First off, I arrived on time but having to pee like crazy. They weighed me (I’m still stuck at 202 pounds what the fuck) and took my blood pressure (128/80). I told the nurse that I was going to explode and she let me go to the bathroom. They didn’t need a sample, but that’s why I was holding it - just in case.

Wouldn’t you know it, I got my period. I was stressed that maybe the surgeon would put me off on doing an exam but when I finally saw him, he said it was fine. Anyway, it wasn’t crazy heavy but it did get on my clothes but I was wearing black so it wasn’t terrible. Still, ugh. It didn’t bode well.

The surgeon was definitely great. He asked me to explain what was going on in my own words while he looked through the documents that had been sent over. He asked why no one ordered an MRI and I explained the insurance situation. This all happened in his office.

Then they had me go to an exam room and he did a breast exam. Also, he pushed around a little bit on my lower abdomen which hurt a lot. Then, this dude’s hand was so far up my vagina - it was definitely new territory for me! OMG I mean I have been on some seriously long penis but his arm was UP THERE and it stayed. He did a Pap smear, but he also felt around and applied pressure. Honestly, it was scary and it hurt at times. Mostly it was just this full feeling and weird. Definitely not sexual in any way!

He then told me to get dressed and come back to his office to talk about his findings. The nurse opened a drawer and told me to take what I needed - there were wet wipes and tampons and stuff so I got that situated. Then I had to wait a bit while he consulted with another patient.

I went into his office and he made a drawing. He had this preprinted forms with scale drawings of lady parts on them, and he pulled out a ruler and drew on my fibroids. I don’t even know how to explain the shock I felt to see the size of these circles. Like, it’s one thing to read the numbers and hear someone say I have a growth the size of a grapefruit, but to see it in scale was horrifying. Here’s the drawing - I added the red marker in to trace the circles so they showed up.



Like, holy shit. He said that my abdomen is pretty full. And again reiterated that these are the three largest. I have several peanuts and about a dozen peas inside the uterus and that again, the ultrasound is only giving us a partial picture. I could have more large ones hiding in the shadows because my insides are dense.

He said that it’s serious, and he’s going to cut me all the way across. He said because of other factors, I’m probably looking at least 8 weeks recovery time, if not more. I’m not going to be able to sit up for longer than 5 minutes for a couple of weeks, and then maybe only in half hour chunks, without pain. I’ll have staples and all of that. He said if I read about six weeks to recover, to just know that isn’t me.

He says they’re taking everything. MAYBE I can keep my ovaries but he’d be surprised if they’re not got some involvement going by the time I get on the schedule. He said they will try to leave them but he’s not going to hesitate, so be prepared to lose them. He said he is absolutely taking the tubes.

He said it’s only like 2% of fibroids that are cancerous. So that’s rare. Normally he’d feel confident in saying that it’s a low chance. However, 98% of fibroids don’t grow this fast. So that’s rare. He said he looked through my records of my pelvic exams each year and there’s nothing. He said he knows that I haven’t had the same gynocologist very much, if ever, but he knows the names of some of the ones I did see, and no way would they miss these. He agrees with my current gyno that these could be cancerous, and she made the right call by transferring my case to him.

He asked how soon I could schedule the removal. I explained again about the insurance, and I told him I was wanting to get May 1 as a wedding date. He shook his head and asked what’s the earliest date I could consider. I told him my divorce date is on April 9, so maybe the week after? I asked if that was okay, could I wait and he said, listen, you can postpone it but don’t delay unnecessarily. He again said this was serious and then that was the end of it.

I then met with the surgery scheduler, and she explained all that went into scheduling and how we couldn’t do a thing until the insurance switched. She gave me all of the information and her phone number.

So the plan now is that I divorce DarkKnight on April 9. I called the court house and they said we would be given the opportunity on the call-in date to waive the 10-day appeal period, and the final decree would be ready in like 2 days. They said I could come in to get it, and get the marriage license at the same time. So that will be April 11. My new wedding date with MisterMoonbeam will be April 12.

While I was driving home from the appointment, MisterMoonbeam called his benefits coordinator. They said my insurance benefits would be active the very same day we get married. He can put in for a change in status right from his phone, as it happens, actually. However, it will take the insurance company about 5 days to log it. It will be back dated and I will have a case number, but that it probably won’t show up in systems for those 5 days.

Which is fine! The surgery appointment scheduler said she will need the new account number to start the process but it won’t be looked at for a little bit. Basically after April 12 she will snag a date for early May on the surgeon’s schedule, and then she contacts my regular doctor’s office for coordination. They then have me call in and get seen for an EKG and bloodwork. Once that is all done they send the info down to the surgical care center to get approval from the anesthesia peeps that I can do okay with that. They said my A1C needs to be below 8, and my last reading was a 7.1 so hopefully I am still doing fine. One I am cleared there, they then send the request to the insurance company for preauthorization. So my insurance account number should definitely be good by then.

She also said that by reputation his insurance is a middle level pre-auth - they aren’t super fast to clear things but they aren’t super slow either.

I am exhausted and can’t handle writing further about this as my emotions have been a lot, so I will write more later. I just wanted to get this update down for posterity.

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

Fibroids are really common in Black women. My partner Jules has had a myomectomy and so has both of her sisters. One cousin of hers had a myomectomy during the pandemic and has already got a few large fibroids back. Another cousin of theirs was in her 20s and looked heavily pregnant due to them.

They're often left anaemic by them and then have to have an iron transfusion before surgery.

They're often offered hysterectomy but they choose to have them removed instead.

 

[Bluebird]

Fibroids are really common in Black women. My partner Jules has had a myomectomy and so has both of her sisters. One cousin of hers had a myomectomy during the pandemic and has already got a few large fibroids back. Another cousin of theirs was in her 20s and looked heavily pregnant due to them.

They're often left anaemic by them and then have to have an iron transfusion before surgery.

They're often offered hysterectomy but they choose to have them removed instead.

These are not options that work for my case. Fibroids are really common, but I’ve never had one that I know of until now, and now I have so many and they’re so large, it’s extreme.

I’m really really scared. Again, my emotions have been a wreck lately, and yesterday is no exception. Having to call and tell my two oldest the results was pretty shitty. BugGirl has been texting me things pretty much everyday, so she knew the score, though the last thing I had told her was that DarkKnight was going to be filing his court papers in response to mine. So she was told the call-in date, my new wedding date and the information about the surgery. She started crying but mostly kept it together.

BeanBoy knew that we might be divorcing, so I had to catch him up with info from further back. He has some disabilities, and one of these causes his voice to be very monotone and non-reactive. He hates being on the phone and pretty much everyone hates calling him! Still, I was on the line with him for around 30 minutes as he asked some intelligent questions. I did start crying when explaining about the divorce.

As frightened as I am with the surgery and possible cancer, the process and thought of divorce with DarkKnight is what is destroying me emotionally. I’m sure after the fact, we will adapt and be okay. We will certainly still consider ourselves married because fuck the government.

Anyway, I couldn’t reach my youngest, but she usually has Tuesdays off of work so I will try to reach her later on in the morning. I did call and speak to my nephew as well.

I had one friend reach out and ask me how the appointment went, and after texting with her, I did a copy/paste of parts of the conversation and shared that in the message group of my nesting partners and SirGawain. Of course MisterMoonbeam and DarkKnight knew everything already, but I knew it might help to have some of that stuff in writing for them to look at later, but also I didn’t want to leave SirGawain left out of the loop. He’s no longer my partner, but I didn’t feel like it would be a decent thing to do to have him not know what’s going on. I asked him if he still wanted updates and he replied in the affirmative but nothing else. Which is fine. He’s probably reading this anyway though. I also texted with one member of the Virginia triad we’re friends with, and TheEngineer.

Well, TheEngineer offered to call me, and I am so glad he did. I took the option of NOT speaking to him. By that point it was 10 pm and I was emotionally wrung out. I had no energy left and I couldn’t have talked without going into meltdown mode.

I might see him today, but I will definitely tomorrow.

 

[Magdlyn]

I'm so sorry about all this, especially having to delay surgery because of stupid legal/insurance things. I am anxious for you, but I will send vibes for a positive outcome, relief from pain, and a speedy recovery and adjustment to your new legal/emotional things.

I consider myself married to both my partners, because marriage is of the heart. Marriage legalities change over the centuries, but love and commitment do not. Just spend as much time as you need filling DK's love bucket and speaking his love languages.

 

[Bluebird]

I'm so sorry about all this, especially having to delay surgery because of stupid legal/insurance things. I am anxious for you, but I will send vibes for a positive outcome, relief from pain, and a speedy recovery and adjustment to your new legal/emotional things.

I consider myself married to both my partners, because marriage is of the heart. Marriage legalities change over the centuries, but love and commitment do not. Just spend as much time as you need filling DK's love bucket and speaking his love languages.

Thank you.

I absolutely will still consider myself married to DarkKnight. I have so much anger at this faceless government entity who is forcing me to do this though - I am tearing up frequently with such raw emotion. I certainly never felt like my marriage to PunkRock was “less than” because the government didn’t recognize it, but having to go in the other direction and pull away government recognition is deeply painful, even though I can rationalize it.

We will continue to count March 11 as our anniversary. Fuck that they think we should be finished! I am having a hard time with many aspects of this. My love language is physical touch, so I am struggling. I have to be truthful that there is a petulant side of me that wants to have sex with him. However, part of the divorce proceeding is confirming that we have not had sexual contact for 6 months. So we are abstaining so not to perjure ourselves. Sometimes it is framed as having separate bedrooms, and with that we can already say yes, since we’ve maintained our own for years. We can’t know though, what the magistrate will ask, so we are following the letter of the law.

That has me emotionally bereft as well. I am having a lot of pain with sex now though - it’s been slow but it’s definitely uncomfortable more often now. Certain angles are a no.

I feel violated by this shit inside of me, but I also feel violated by the laws of this country. Why should the cost of my health care be decided and divided by who I am married to, and where my legal husband works? I had been proactive in paperwork and using legal loopholes to legitimize my previous marriage to PunkRock, but none of that made me this upset. I was upset at the time at the necessity, but I was filled with joy to find a way to do it. Instead in this instance I just am so so mad at the government.

It’s not fair that this has happened medically and it’s not fair that I have to suffer emotionally from the process to get it paid for at all.

I don’t know how to make it okay.

 

[MeeraReed]

Thank you, Bluebird, for continuing to post updates during this stressful time.

My own fibroid situation that I described--mine were huge like yours, but indeed had grown slowly, like over 10 years.

 

[Bluebird]

Thank you, Bluebird, for continuing to post updates during this stressful time.

My own fibroid situation that I described--mine were huge like yours, but indeed had grown slowly, like over 10 years.

Reading personal stories and hearing from other ladies who have gone through this has been helpful. I appreciate you!

Yesterday I ditched everything and went out to lunch with TheEngineer. I was really shocked at how emotional he was. He kept it together, but he laid it out that he was here for me, and he would take any time off of work (though he’s currently unemployed) and would do whatever I asked of him. I found that incredibly sweet.

He paid for us to eat and then we went to three different thrift stores together, with a stop at a coffee shop - I bought a chai and got him a smoothie. This made me think of my ex-bestie because she always got pina colada too.

Actually, she was burning up my phone the other day, apologizing like crazy and telling me we weren’t done and how I was her bestie. I’m like, girl, you absolutely abandoned me at my worst, and I have no desire to try and trust you. I don’t have the spoons.

She stopped by last night and DarkKnight had put all of her corsets (they were boxed up) at the top of the driveway. She left me a Christmas present - I opened it this morning and it was a dinosaur blanket. I absolutely am going to donate or regift. What the fuck is she thinking that I would want anything like that from her?

At one point during our text conversation, I asked her if she could guarantee me 100% that if I was walking alongside the road and her boyfriend drove by, he wouldn’t scream out and call me a whore? Would he not throw a brick through my front window, if he could get away with it? He’s a misogynist, and he’s coming at ME, not any of the guys in my polycule. I don’t feel safe at all.

OMG her answer was, yes she could guarantee he would never do something like that! He doesn’t have my address memorized.

For fucking REAL. And I have to say that’s about as honest as it gets, because we both know he wouldn’t fucking hesitate. But this is the guy she is with, and she says she isn’t okay with him being this way, but oh well, basically.

So I am done. It hurts my heart but I don’t have the energy. I can’t have this level of instability around me. My polycule is attempting to save my life, while this dude thinks it’s fine and dandy to berate me and stalk me online to call me a slut.

So, yeah. I ended up blocking her on Facebook, in spite of her begging me to still be her friend. In the past I might attempt to disentangle her from this monster, or at least hang out in the background to support her when he finally cheats and leaves her. But I can’t, and I won’t.

This is my year of REST.

Speaking of which, I had to get up at ass o’clock today and take DarkKnight to work. MisterMoonbeam had to drive into Dulles for a series of meetings with the car, so I need the van! I have therapy this afternoon, along with a meeting with my life insurance company - they’re coming to the house to review my policy. Then I have dinner with TheEngineer, followed by my Wiccan class - which I missed last week.

Busy, busy, busy! I hope I can do it all because my belly hurts already and I’m tired AF. The last couple of nights I have been falling asleep around midnight, which has been an improvement, actually.

Apparently my engagement ring is arriving today! MisterMoonbeam told me this last night so I am bouncing! However, I realized I gave him the wrong size - I thought I was a 6, but I am 6 cm. Which means I am a size 9. Oops. He told me he actually bought a 7, so I can try it on when it comes. He said he did get me a moss agate stone so he may have to buy online a few times to get the best color way.

I pulled out the measuring tape to get his ring size and I don’t know why we even tried because it was inconsistent. He said we should go to a jewelry store to be sure, so now we have plans to do that on Thursday before our dance class. I teased him because originally he said he didn’t want a ring but he sort of shrugged and said that the more he thought about it, the more he was liking the idea.

I’m honestly fine either way. DarkKnight and I haven’t worn rings for a while, so it’s not something I see as necessary. That said, I’m excited to see what he got me!

 

[Bluebird]

My ring arrived! I tried it on (it’s a size 7) and it fit almost perfectly. The color is darker than expected though, and one facet of the stone looks like it has bubbles or some sort of flaw? So it’s being returned, and he’s ordering me a size 6.5 with the hope that the next one received will be perfect.

We are still planning to go to the jewelry store tomorrow to get MisterMoonbeam sized for his own ring.

I had therapy today and that was okay, I guess. TheEngineer asked me tonight if I thought it was beneficial. I told him I wasn’t really sure. Like, it’s usually beneficial. It’s good for me to have an additional person to talk to about the emotions surrounding this polycule shake up. But the therapist isn’t exactly super knowledgeable on this topic. Is anyone? Is it common for poly folk to have to divorce for benefits?

I suppose to be fair it happens to monogamous people. My nephew married his partner when they realized one of them had much better benefits and they were needed, so they didn’t wait until their previously scheduled wedding date. That sort of thing happens.

My issue though is the whole having to sever a legal relationship that is also super emotional, and we’re staying together anyway. Juggling that emotional upheaval is a lot for me, and when combined with the health stuff, it’s just so much! So far I’m told that I seem to have good responses to stress and that I know how to handle it.

Ugh dinner is ready. Will write more later!

 

[MeeraReed]

Wow, your ex-best friend. "You are safe from my boyfriend because he doesn't remember your address." Holy hell.

 

[MoPoly]

Sorry you’re having such a rough time Bluebird. Yes it’s not uncommon for poly people to divorce and remarry for legal reasons. I have friends in a polycule of 12 with 8 permanently living in one house. They often divorce and remarry or have same-sex civil partnerships. Mainly for the rights of marriage in sickness and to secure the polycule in terms of inheritance tax. You and DarkKnight can stay as married as you feel in your heart, it’s just the law is still prejudicial to people who don’t choose monogamy.

 

[Bluebird]

Sorry you’re having such a rough time Bluebird. Yes it’s not uncommon for poly people to divorce and remarry for legal reasons. I have friends in a polycule of 12 with 8 permanently living in one house. They often divorce and remarry or have same-sex civil partnerships. Mainly for the rights of marriage in sickness and to secure the polycule in terms of inheritance tax. You and DarkKnight can stay as married as you feel in your heart, it’s just the law is still prejudicial to people who don’t choose monogamy.

I wish that I felt like it was common. I *know* that we will be okay but it’s still stressful AF.

 

[MoPoly]

I wish that I felt like it was common. I *know* that we will be okay but it’s still stressful AF.

Dealing with health issues on top of the technical divorce is going to amplify everything, so I do feel for you. It sounds as if you’re well supported by some wonderful lovers I had a fibroid before but treated it with herbal medicine/DIM and it shrank away. For large ones they often do laser surgery on this side of the pond but yours do sound like open surgery is the only option. You’ll be so glad when it’s all behind you. Stay strong x

 

[Bluebird]

Dealing with health issues on top of the technical divorce is going to amplify everything, so I do feel for you. It sounds as if you’re well supported by some wonderful lovers I had a fibroid before but treated it with herbal medicine/DIM and it shrank away. For large ones they often do laser surgery on this side of the pond but yours do sound like open surgery is the only option. You’ll be so glad when it’s all behind you. Stay strong x

Thanks.

From what I’ve read, they won’t use laser or chop these up because of the cancer risk. They don’t wanna spread that everywhere. The doctor didn’t say that, but from what I understand that’s another reason why they are not going the laparoscopic route - they want to take out everything intact.

 

[Bluebird]

Just woke up to massive pains. Gah! I’ve definitely been peeing a lot more but the pain is unreal. It’s sometimes like period cramps, but more often it’s like I’m being stabbed relentlessly in the same spot, over and over. I can feel the fibroids if I push down on my abdomen, but it’s fucking scary, so I don’t. Except when I do, and then I regret it.

Apparently my period is over already - it’s like I’m back to the pre-diabetes diagnosis menses. This is quite unlike when in my Metformin era, the cycle would continue way way past reasonable, and the bleeding would be over-the-top insane. This month it was literally 3 days and barely spotty. I hope my last few monthly visits are like this! Counting on my calendar, I should get a period on March 3, March 30 and April 26. That should be it, ever.

Yesterday I came home from my therapy appointment just completely worn out. The life insurance person had texted and rescheduled, so I laid down in the spare room on the new bed, and fell asleep. I would have missed the time to pick up DarkKnight from work, but MisterMoonbeam messaged me like 6 times and it woke me up! I was a few minutes late getting DarkKnight though.

MisterMoonbeam - just like last Wednesday - ended up not being able to leave work early. This then made me have to cancel dinner with TheEngineer, and then subsequently not go to my Wiccan class. Since this was the second week I’ve missed it, I messaged the instructor and pulled out altogether. Ugh.

I’m now doing that thing where I’m trying to tell myself it’s okay because I don’t believe in half the stuff they were talking about, so it’s okay. Sour grapes? I did learn a lot though, and the meditations were helpful. Perhaps next year I can join up again.

I was honestly disappointed to not see TheEngineer. I’m glad I was able to get some face-to-face with him on Tuesday. I know he wasn’t happy and I felt awful.

Only having one vehicle that we trust for longer distances is crap. I mean, I trust the engine. The heating & cooling system is sporadic and the gas mileage is terrible. It’s old and creaky and I just don’t drive it anywhere that isn’t an absolute must - with my auto-immune and auto-inflammatory issues, having dependable heating & cooling is a MUST. Most of the time, we do okay with just two vehicles. However, I am looking forward to buying a newer car to add to the mix but it is definitely not on the financial radar this year. DarkKnight’s car will be paid off next Fall and I honestly would love to get a year with no payments before purchasing another vehicle. I guess once I go on bed rest post-surgery, it will be easy peasy to run the household as it will just be DarkKnight & MisterMoonbeam sharing.

 

[breathemusic]

Is there any chance that it's worth reaching out to the courthouse and explaining that due to some urgent health needs, you'd like to request any possibility to have the court date moved up to as early as possible if they happen to have any cancellations or rescheduling? I would imagine that if you spoke to a clerk they might be sympathetic and work to try and get you in sooner. If nothing else it would give you the opportunity to reduce the risk of further delays on your surgery if insurance takes longer than expected to review and approve, or anything like that.

 

[Magdlyn]

I'm not sure if you were told you'd be on bed rest after surgery, but in my experience, after my c-section in 1985, and my hysto in 2016, I wasn't allowed to loll in bed much. They want you up and at 'em, walking, so you reduce the risk of blood clots and also, just don't atrophy, in general. Knowing your energy, you'll be springing back in no time.

 

[Bluebird]

Is there any chance that it's worth reaching out to the courthouse and explaining that due to some urgent health needs, you'd like to request any possibility to have the court date moved up to as early as possible if they happen to have any cancellations or rescheduling? I would imagine that if you spoke to a clerk they might be sympathetic and work to try and get you in sooner. If nothing else it would give you the opportunity to reduce the risk of further delays on your surgery if insurance takes longer than expected to review and approve, or anything like that.

I really really don’t want the surgery in March. MisterMoonbeam is scheduled through work to go to LA for a week, and to Arizona for another week, both in March. We don’t have those exact dates yet. We know it won’t be the last week, as he already has an audit scheduled in Dulles.

I absolutely want to go to Arizona with him, so very badly, to see his new granddaughter. Her mother messages me almost on the daily, and if I am not able to go this Spring, I will not be able to see them until next Spring. The baby won’t be a baby anymore.

I also feel like two months is an adequate amount of time to get our affairs in order - all three of us at Blackbird Manor. I took a class about writing a will on Monday, and I bought a book they suggested. I am going to try and work my way through it on a strict schedule. Right now we really aren’t prepared as well as we should be. I don’t want to be fatalistic, but I also will feel a lot better when this is done. Trying to bump the date sooner will cause me a lot of anxiety and stress with this piece of the puzzle.

And, quite honestly, I am afraid to reach out. When I first called the state system to inquire about divorce laws and I mentioned I was poly, the lawyer on the other end became enraged and hung up on me. We live in a conservative city/area of the state. I am aware I don’t need to mention the fact - and I absolutely would never do so again - but I’m now anxious to not call attention to myself with the court.

Believe me though, I did think about asking at first. Both of my nesting partners would prefer it to be sooner. I’m afraid, but I also feel like the timeline is okay and I feel a certain calmness about it. When I’m not freaking out, I mean. I’m not sure if I wrote about it here, but when I asked my Echo Dot how far away April 12th was and it told me 66 days, I instantly burst into tears. It seems way too short of a time to be connected to my husband.

I can try and rationalize it in a million billion different ways, but I am absolutely unable to consider this as the time before my wedding. It’s a countdown to a divorce I desperately do not want.

I'm not sure if you were told you'd be on bed rest after surgery, but in my experience, after my c-section in 1985, and my hysto in 2016, I wasn't allowed to loll in bed much. They want you up and at 'em, walking, so you reduce the risk of blood clots and also, just don't atrophy, in general. Knowing your energy, you'll be springing back in no time.

I was told the opposite. I’m being cut hip to hip, and my recovery will be long, painful and not in the least bit easy. That’s scaring the shit out of me too. I haven’t found a lot of recent reading yet from ladies who have this sort of radical cut. I’m told it’s much larger than a C-section scar, and that it will slice all the way across. A friend had it done, and she said it took her a solid six weeks to walk a block, and she needed physical therapy after twelve weeks. She said it’s now a year later and she feels much improved and does not regret things.

I have had laparoscopic surgery when my gallbladder was removed in an emergency , and with that I did bounce back from quickly! I don’t have anything else to compare this surgery to in my personal life, but with that I was off pain meds almost immediately, and walking around in a couple of days. The surgeon told me NOT to compare it to that, as this is much more involved and I won’t be able to sit up without pain for weeks and weeks. It didn’t make me feel good to hear that.

When I feel calmer, I am going to read and research more. Again, I am actually a little relieved to have time in which to do this.