Getting out of my own Head


New member
I've been poly for about 6 years with my husband of 5 years. I met him while he was in another poly relationship with someone else and they later broke up and we got married. I am newer to poly than he is.. I don't think I'm monogamous, and my husband is very securely and happily poly. He has 2 longer term and close relationships with 2 other women and often has looser connections as well (friends with bennies or short term connections. 3 of those, more or less, lately). I have a tenuous relationship with a man on and off over the years and mostly off. No strong connection. I have a close friend who is also my partner and she sometimes shares my bed with my husband as well. I don't have strong desires for other relationships though. I guess I'm tired, mainly. Job, kids, etc. Just don't have the bandwidth for it. Lol Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm using it as an excuse.

My hubs and I have a good, close relationship. I have no real complaints. I'm still struggling to live as a poly person with multiple metamours to wrap my brain around. He, at this point, has said he wants no new long term partners besides the two, but the looser connectionscome and go. He spends plenty of quality time with me. Again. I can't complain. I suppose I'm here to talk to about my feelings and thoughts besides my hubs. Support from others. Hoping that reading other perspectives will help. Thanks for reading and looking forward to spending time here.
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Welcome. I have two relationships. I have no desire for more. The two are amazing. Do your relationships the way you want. You need to be comfortable. Enjoy you time here.


Staff member
You and hubs have kids, and yet he still has time for 5 other partners besides you? How does he do that? If you have one regular partner (who also has sex with hubs, which complicates things) and one other person whom you see occasionally, as you parent your children, that sounds like plenty. I don't understand the reason why you felt you needed to defend not having more partners. Lots of poly people with young kids don't date anyone besides their nesting primary while the kids are young and needy.

You say you have no real complaints, yet you have a hard time dealing with all your metas. How does that play out?


Official Greeter
Staff member
Greetings MsHMC2,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Really you can complain, you should complain, you have real complaints. Your husband has a whole bunch of partners, and I am skeptical about how much time he has leftover to help you with the kids and the house. He seems to be out always having fun, and the time he spends with you is probably just fun time. You are stuck with all of the chores. I am assuming all of this and I could be wrong, correct me if I am. I just don't see how he could have the time for anything else with that many partners.

You aren't obligated to have a strong connection, you have way too much on your plate. You said it yourself. You are tired. You have a job, kids, and more to take care of. No wonder you don't have the bandwidth for more poly! I hardly see that as a mere excuse.

In your profile you mentioned being kind of numb, and mildly depressed. This kind of emotional state can mean that you only have a limited number of spoons to deal with things in a given day. By the time you take care of the kids, your job, and housework, you may have run out of spoons. This isn't your fault.

I don't mean to be overly dramatic, I just sympathize with you in your situation. I hope you and your husband can work things out.

Kevin T., "official greeter"


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