Ghost of a Chance

"I don't believe in Destiny
Or the Guiding Hand of Fate
I don't believe in Forever
Or Love as a mystical state
I don't believe in the stars or the planets
Or angels watching from above
But I believe there's a ghost of a chance
That we can find someone to love
And make it last"

Prologue: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=126597

My son, "Tsunami," was born a week and a half ago. I have been staying with Marsh until they are recovered and settled. It has been nice spending time with my children, but being in that house living with the person I've been trying to move on from - even if we are more amicable now - is making me stir crazy.

I want to put myself back out there. Meet new people. Forge new connections with friends and lovers.

So in a massive synaptic misfire, I signed up for OKCupid. I don't expect anything, especially since I can't afford the premium version, but it made me feel good to assert my romantic independance. I sent out a few feelers. Got nothing back yet, and only one unsolicited intro from a profile that was so shoddily written and clearly did not read my profile that I'm almost convinced it was a social experiment (because women get those all the time, man, so how does it feel?).

I do plan on putting myself out there more once I can go back home. Looking into low-income housing so I can get out on my own, looking to change jobs, looking to find spots where nerdy introverts like me can gather but still be female-friendly (talk about Unicorn hunting...)

This space will probably not update frequently until I've met a person or persons I can move forward with, as that's what this site is about. I just wanted to save this space for that day, and so that I can update folks who might care if giant life events happen (this will probably be a Shameless Acting Plug corner when applicable).

Wish me luck as I move forward.
 
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Oh! Almost forgot...

While browsing OKCupid, it matched me 95% with someone I actually knew! One of my co-stars in my last few productions. It said she was Poly, and while we never spoke much, she gave me rides a few times and I liked her fine.

Rather than messaging her on the site, I decided to broach the subject with her when I saw her at our last show. I didn't expect anything, I doubted I was her type, so I wanted to approach it in a "isn't this crazy?" way and gauge her reaction.

The bad news: She had meant to delete the profile months ago, and while still identifying Poly she has been acting Mono with her boyfriend for the same time period.

The good news: we actually had a really good discussion about Poly and our experiences and connected through our shared understanding. And I realized...she was the first non-internet person outside of Gremlin and Marsh that I really discussed Poly with at length and actually openly and publically identified as Poly to. And being open about it in a discussion in a fairly public place (we were performing in a local mall) really felt affirming and freeing.

So I got that going for me, which is nice.
 
Luck wished! :D and good Rush quote by the way. :)

Thank you! They're my second favorite musical artists after Weird Al (The Beatles are a close third).

I wanted a title that would work at all stages of my journey so I won't have to start a million blog threads to reflect my changing status.
 

MsEmotional

New member
Oh! Almost forgot...

While browsing OKCupid, it matched me 95% with someone I actually knew! One of my co-stars in my last few productions. It said she was Poly, and while we never spoke much, she gave me rides a few times and I liked her fine.

Rather than messaging her on the site, I decided to broach the subject with her when I saw her at our last show. I didn't expect anything, I doubted I was her type, so I wanted to approach it in a "isn't this crazy?" way and gauge her reaction.

The bad news: She had meant to delete the profile months ago, and while still identifying Poly she has been acting Mono with her boyfriend for the same time period.

The good news: we actually had a really good discussion about Poly and our experiences and connected through our shared understanding. And I realized...she was the first non-internet person outside of Gremlin and Marsh that I really discussed Poly with at length and actually openly and publically identified as Poly to. And being open about it in a discussion in a fairly public place (we were performing in a local mall) really felt affirming and freeing.

So I got that going for me, which is nice.

That’s great! I know what you mean about it being very freeing to talk to another Poly person “in the wild.” The way I ended up with Whiskers was that I recognized him on OKCupid. We had worked together 10 years prior, had gotten married the same year — and it seemed rather serendipitous that we were now both polyamorous and had a 99% match! For me, it was the first time I had talked to a poly person that I had met *prior* to becoming polyamorous and it was very freeing for similar reasons. It felt like talking to him “normalized” polyamory for me — the idea that there were people out there who I already had shared a lot in common with and enjoyed spending time with who were also poly. Up until that point, I felt like every poly person was “poly first” — as in, the first thing I connected with them about was polyamory and any other things we had in common were a bonus. Meeting whiskers was confirmation that polyamory was not the primary thing I had in common with poly people.
 
That is such a sweet story, MsEmotional. Thank you for sharing it and for your kind words. It's really nice to know I have a bit of an audience already, even though I have little to share at the moment. Making me a little ferklempt if I'm being honest. ^_^

Got a couple of mutual likes tonight, but no real replies yet. Still not getting my hopes up, but another step in the right direction.
 

FallenAngelina

Active member
You may or may not be interested, but Rush lifted that expression from a 1932 song, partially written by Bing Crosby, who in turn lifted it from the book Tom Brown's School Days, published in 1857. I know that Rush are gods in the eyes of their devotees, but they also seem to be pretty smart guys and likely would want you to know the true origins of the phrase, seeing as you've adopted it as the theme of your thoughts here.
 
You may or may not be interested, but Rush lifted that expression from a 1932 song, partially written by Bing Crosby, who in turn lifted it from the book Tom Brown's School Days, published in 1857. I know that Rush are gods in the eyes of their devotees, but they also seem to be pretty smart guys and likely would want you to know the true origins of the phrase, seeing as you've adopted it as the theme of your thoughts here.

While I didn't know the EXACT origin of the phrase, I knew the turn of phrase existed long before 1991. I credit Rush only with an amazing song and the context inspirational to my usage of it here.

But thank you for the interesting bit of trivia. :)
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
Senator B, I had no idea you had kids! Congrats on the new little one! I hope he is nice and healthy and is thriving.

And good luck moving forward in 2020.
 
Senator B, I had no idea you had kids! Congrats on the new little one! I hope he is nice and healthy and is thriving.

And good luck moving forward in 2020.

Yes, and thank you. Tsunami is very healthy and doing very well, which is a relief compared to what LabRat goes through (and I swear that nickname is 1,000,000% more affectionate and meaningful than it sounds - can't explain due to privacy but trust me). He had a tongue tie, but it was fixed right up, and he made it through his bris with no fuss and is healing beautifully.

Obviously he is too young to appreciate his first Hanukkah, and LabRat is more interested in his presents than her own...but I got her a REALLY cool JP Tyrannosaur that I can't wait for her to open later this week (she adores Unicorns, Kitties, Baby Shark, Teletubbies, Daniel Tiger, Minnie Mouse, Spider-Man, and Tyrannosaurs).

Still nothing to report on the connections front, as expected. But it makes me feel good to send intros out even if I don't expect to hear back
 
Update: LabRat LOVES her T. rex

One issue I'm finding with OKC is that I have myself set for "15 miles away or less" yet all the potential matches I keep getting sent are in Boston or farther. Though I guess that has less to do with OKC and more to do with Rhode Island just sucking hard. Which is okay except with no car I have to rely on public transit to get anywhere, meaning I have to plan a full day trip if any of these people actually ask me out.

Sometimes I think I should have waited until I had more transport and/or housing stability before attempting this. Then I remember that may take a long time in this economy and an ideal match wouldn't necessarily care anyway.
 
Had my first decent conversation via OKC earlier. It wasn't much, just a pleasant sort of "getting to know you" introduction to an introduction. But it felt good, but also very anxiety-inducing. I found myself getting excited like a puppy that someone - anyone - was talking to me and getting nervous at the silence we both knew was coming because we both have lives outside of a stupid website.

I need to take a deep breath and step back. I realize that this is the first time in over a decade that I'm putting myself out there with the express intent of eventually developing an intimate relationship with someone. I can't think like that. Gremlin happened without my wanting anything other than a friend (consciously at least). I need to focus on being a good friend first, and let the rest happen as it will. That was my game plan going into this, and I need to chill out and follow it.

This person might go somewhere, or they might stop talking to me in a day or two. I have to enjoy the interactions as they happen and not dwell too much on what may or may not be.

In other Life news: My theatre company approved the next season of shows. I'm going to be rediculously busy this year because of several projects our artistic director wants me to personally be a part of. July will end up being full-time hours from simultaneous projects. If I can use that as a goal to find a new "needs" job by then - leave the register at the end of June, do the shows through July, then start a new place in August - it would work out almost serendipitously. The trick is finding the new job, which will require outside help as I can't just make a lateral move. I need a different kind of job that I can handle working more hours at.

Tsunami now likes me fine if I let him sleep on my chest, but otherwise he stares at me like he just can't figure me out.

I'm transitioning back to home next week after the new year. LabRat will probably be upset, but Marsh and I agree it's best for everyone not to keep me cooped up here much longer.
 

Atlantis

New member
It is sooo hard not getting caught up the excitement of OLD and having a hopes but I am getting better at not getting excited. Most of my chats fizzle out.

Did you see the new movie yet?
 
New movie? Are you talking Star Wars? It's true George Lucas' Star Wars is my favorite of favorite things, but I can take or leave Expanded Universe. A lot of it doesn't seem to "get" Star Wars, and the only Disney one I've seen so far is Force Awakens. I will see the rest eventually so I can judge fairly, so please don't spoil, and I have nothing against people who like them as there are some good things in what I've seen. But it feels like it was entered into with bad faith so it's harder to gey into for me personally.
 

Atlantis

New member
I won't spoil.:)

The Last Jedi is entertaining and I did really enjoy the Rise Of Skywalker. I went to see it twice in the cinema. I rarely go to the cinema at all so to go twice...

I take then you haven't seen The Mandalorian? All the episodes have been released so you can see them all easily in the 1 week free trial for Disney+. Just remember to cancel. The Mandalorian is some highly entertaining tv, perfect for 2 am, 3am, 4am, and 5am baby feeding viewing.
 
Once I'm in a more stable position, maybe I'll bug my dad for access to his. Every time I've tried the "just cancel first" it never works.

I have been taking movies from the library lately, but I'm working on catching up on the MCU first, and a lot of places don't have the most most recent stuff.

I used to love going to the movies, but in the over two years since my marriage ended I've only managed to go four times (Christopher Robin, a drive-in double feature with Hotel Transylvania 3 and Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom, Detective Pikachu, and Joker). Combination of time and money issues. Hoping to be able to slowly afford more.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
It must be very hard to be a dad of very young kids/babies, and you no longer get along with their mom/your ex! I assume you'll visit often to keep bonding with them and give their mom breaks. I'm sure she'd appreciate that, even if you don't enjoy being together 24/7.

I don't know if starting to date when you've got a newborn and a toddler is ideal. It wouldn't be for me. I fall too hard in love with my babies. I have no time or energy left over. I go deep into NRE with my kiddos. And even after the NRE wears off, they are extremely demanding at least until school age, I found.

Maybe it's different for dads, though. I wish you luck on OKC!
 
I left because there was abuse and toxicity. She has been sincerely remorseful and trying to better herself, which has made us amicable co-parents but too little too late to save the relationship. We're really not a good match (outside of maybe the bedroom and even then we're definitely not kink-compatable) and this month really reinforced that.

To reiterate - this is me trying to move on with my life and not fall back into this bad situation out of lonliness, which is kind of how Tsunami got here in the first place. Might not be the best time in terms of being in a place that many potential partners would be willing to try to step foot in, but I need to feel like I'm trying, that I'm maintaining my autonomy. I need physical and emotional intimacy, and I need to get it elsewhere.

I am there and will continue to be there for my kids as much as I can. I want to be the best dad I can be. But I need to do what's good for me so I can do what's good for them. And I need to get out of Marsh's shadow (and Gremlin's to an extent - I need new positive memories of things I loved that we shared, and that means new people so it doesn't feel like someone is missing from the old).

That doesn't mean I won't be smarter or more discerning about who I get involved with. But I'm a polyamorous single man, and I need to start trying to fix the "single" part.

EDIT: Forgot to thank you for the good luck. Nothing new to report but for the sake of posterity:
3-4 likes I can't see because I don't pay (it fluctuates somehow each time I refresh).
1 unsolicited intro from a profile that looks fake and is a poor match even if it's real.
4 Mutual Likes
- 1 Briefly talked but then unliked me due to distance
- 1 Poly-saturated but I'm welcome to reapply later
- 1 no return message yet
- 1 multiple little back and forths; seems to have a small but real chance to develop into ~something~ if I can just keep my anxiety from making me say too many stupid things.
 
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I spent one night back home this week, which felt good, and I'll likely spend another tomorrow night. Then more nights next week until I'm back to being home more often.

I got an offer to meet from the one I've mentioned speaking to. Won't pick a full nickname until something really comes of it so for now I'll designate her as OKC1 (and continue to give those I have multiple conversations with ascending numbers until they have earned a full nickname). We haven't spoken too deeply because she's been ill, but I guess my sending supportive messages through that worked in my favor? We're going to schedule something for the near future, so I am kinda hyped. Gonna try to keep my excitement in check.

There is now also an OKC2 and and OKC3, but I don't expect much. 2 will likely stay just a friend for the forseeable future as I'm not domme enough to be an exception to her polysaturation, but the conversations have been lively and fun. 3 is proving a bit of a slow start and will likely not last long unless a groove settles soon.
 
So OKC1 had to cancel our plans for an inditerminate length of time due to a chronic illness flaring up. This thing has prevented us from having good conversations since the first one. There's a paranoia that she's trying to get rid of me, but like I have to remind myself - she can easily block me. She can easily stop talking to me. The fact that even though I always have to initiate convos she still responds, and favorably, and the now on-hold meetup was HER suggestion. And she had expressed concern that SHE had scared ME off. So I have to give the benefit of the doubt. Still don't know if this will end up anywhere, but this isn't the kind of thing that will determine it on its own. It's a red flag, but one I can handle if all the other flags turn out the right color.

My transitioning back out is going well for LabRat and Tsunami. Not so well for Marsh, who is falling back into being too proud to ask for help but indignant and retaliatory when help is not offered (even if the only reason it wasn't offered is because an angry "I can handle it!" was the response to previous attempts). I am assisting where I can while being careful not to validate the passive aggressive or guilt-tripping behavior.

I had a very sad dream about Gremlin the night before last and wanted to track her down and make sure she was okay, but I can't do that. I want my friend back (or barring that, at least my stiffed gryphon she still has), but I can't force anything. That goes against my morals and would validate a lot of her unfounded fears from our time together. I last reached out on New Years and need to wait a bit more before trying again.

I have my first physical in over two years this Wednesday. Wish me luck.

Also, given the inspiration in naming this thread, R.I.P. Neil Peart. That's the most bummed I've been at a celebrity death in a while. :(
 
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