Glossary and Definitions
- Thread starter LovingRadiance
- Start date
MonoVCPHG
New member
CrystalLiving
New member
What a great post. I need to think about this more, focusing on the "hidden agenda" part.
God, I do not want to be that person. I would rather loose a relationship than have some kind of "hidden agenda" to convert someone who is poly to my comfort zone thinking.
Thank you for this.
CL
Megziebaby216
New member
Very helpful to a polywog like myself! 
feelyunicorn
New member
What's the difference between a N-shaped and a Z-shaped relationship?
Other than all the letters of the alphabet in between...
Other than all the letters of the alphabet in between...
They describe the same relationship dynamics. Same thing with M and W.
feelyunicorn
New member
Cool, thanks.
redpepper
Active member
Open Polyfidelity- Individuals add new partners without seeking approval, but consider the effects on existing partners.
Multiple Primary Partner- This involves three or more people who are all equal partners who negotiate for what they want whether that be sex, commitment or financial and living arrangements.
Multiple Non-Primary Relationships- This suits people with commitments such as work, a political cause, a creative vocation, children or family obligations etc.
Multiple Primary Partner- This involves three or more people who are all equal partners who negotiate for what they want whether that be sex, commitment or financial and living arrangements.
Multiple Non-Primary Relationships- This suits people with commitments such as work, a political cause, a creative vocation, children or family obligations etc.
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nycindie
Active member
Found this definition of Unicorn in an old thread, thought it should be in this sticky:
Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn:
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Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn:
"Unicorn, aka Hot Bi Babe or HBB, is a single bisexual (and hot!) woman who is looking to form a polyfi triad with an existing male-female couple, most often a married one. Unicorns are easygoing partners because they don't have any needs of their own in what comes to a relationship. They are totally happy to hang on to whatever nuggets of love and affection the original couple fish out their way. They are not usually very old and hence might have economic issues, and they are only too happy to move in with the couple in very early stages of the relationship. And of course they are willing to help around the house and with kids and whatnots, after all, they are getting free room and board.
Should somebody ask, unicorn is the live-in nanny/struggling student renting a room. They are never introduced to the family, invited along on social outings or holidays. The original couple maintains primacy and social approval, whereas the unicorn has to face constant pity from people who don't know she isn't single and comtempt from people who equate her with a homewrecker. Unicorns don't have kids because that would seriously mess up the dynamics. They can help bring up the original couple's kids, of course with no legal rights to them whatsoever. Unicorns are also easily disposable should they become cumbersome or needy. If something goes wrong in the relationship, it is the unicorn who isn't emotionally mature enough/doesn't respect the original couple/doesn't know how to share/is needy/is clingy/is unavailable/isn't committed enough etc.
Unicorn care is easy as long as you remember a few easy rules;
1) Original couple goes first. Always.
2) Unicorns are not really people, they are emotional and sexual resources to the original couple. Sex is only allowed in threesomes, and no individual relationships between the unicorn and either member of the couple should ever develop as not to threaten the cohesion of the original couple (see point 1).
3) If something's not working, play the 'How can you not be grateful for all we have done for you?' card with your unicorn, and if that isn't enough to scare her off, call her a homewrecker."
Should somebody ask, unicorn is the live-in nanny/struggling student renting a room. They are never introduced to the family, invited along on social outings or holidays. The original couple maintains primacy and social approval, whereas the unicorn has to face constant pity from people who don't know she isn't single and comtempt from people who equate her with a homewrecker. Unicorns don't have kids because that would seriously mess up the dynamics. They can help bring up the original couple's kids, of course with no legal rights to them whatsoever. Unicorns are also easily disposable should they become cumbersome or needy. If something goes wrong in the relationship, it is the unicorn who isn't emotionally mature enough/doesn't respect the original couple/doesn't know how to share/is needy/is clingy/is unavailable/isn't committed enough etc.
Unicorn care is easy as long as you remember a few easy rules;
1) Original couple goes first. Always.
2) Unicorns are not really people, they are emotional and sexual resources to the original couple. Sex is only allowed in threesomes, and no individual relationships between the unicorn and either member of the couple should ever develop as not to threaten the cohesion of the original couple (see point 1).
3) If something's not working, play the 'How can you not be grateful for all we have done for you?' card with your unicorn, and if that isn't enough to scare her off, call her a homewrecker."
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AutumnalTone
New member
That strikes me as one of those oxymorons that people use in an attempt to get emotional lift of some sort for identifying as something they aren't. In this case, they have some emotional attachment for identifying as polyfi, only they don't actually *do* polyfi.
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ThatGirlInGray
New member
Don't feel bad, Josie, I was reading a thread a while back and assumed someone posting "FB" meant "FWB" because I was pretty sure they didn't mean "Facebook"! I forgot about "Fuck Buddy".
pmmp
New member
This has been very useful, thank you. Read it all, but still had a question. Forgive me if folks feel this has been previously entertained/dealt with in a satisfactory manner.
I notice that the language/implication around secondaries is tricky. Folks who have recently entered our lives have expressed concern/fear over the apparent hierarchy of our relationships. Not based on receiving any less love/affection/time but simply because my partner and I live together.
While I understand it may be difficult for people entering into a relationship with somebody in a domestic partnership to feel anything other than secondary, I was hoping there may be some alternative non-hierarchical language available that would be potentially less alienating to those unaccustomed to poly. Semantics, sure, but I think it could help our situations.
I notice that the language/implication around secondaries is tricky. Folks who have recently entered our lives have expressed concern/fear over the apparent hierarchy of our relationships. Not based on receiving any less love/affection/time but simply because my partner and I live together.
While I understand it may be difficult for people entering into a relationship with somebody in a domestic partnership to feel anything other than secondary, I was hoping there may be some alternative non-hierarchical language available that would be potentially less alienating to those unaccustomed to poly. Semantics, sure, but I think it could help our situations.
nycindie
Active member
You can direct potential secondaries to this page for info: http://www.morethantwo.com/polyforsecondaries.html
Also, try these threads for ideas on terminology:
"central" = "primary"
is there a better word?
Primary/Secondary: Merged Threads, General Discussion / Debate
LovingRadiance
Active member
Co-partner, Other Significant Other (OSO), Significant Other, Partners, Lovers.....
I often refer to my boyfriend as my boyfriend when talking to others, because if they don't know he's a guy-a lot will assume he's a girl since they know I'm married and bisexual.
But-within our group, he's my OSO, other significant other.
To one another, we refer back to pet names (all of us) because the other words are only needed for communicating to someone else about our dynamic-if we so choose.
I often refer to my boyfriend as my boyfriend when talking to others, because if they don't know he's a guy-a lot will assume he's a girl since they know I'm married and bisexual.
But-within our group, he's my OSO, other significant other.
To one another, we refer back to pet names (all of us) because the other words are only needed for communicating to someone else about our dynamic-if we so choose.
mrandmrsright
New member
We're a MF couple new to the site and starting our search for either a HBB or unicorn. I almost died laughing not just because the cues were hilariously relevant, but because I use similar flow charts at work.