Guru falls

JaneQSmythe said:
I am really uncomfortable that you seem to be trying to "out" another poster on an anonymous, yet public, forum.

I have zero skin in this discussion, but I really wouldn't want you tracking me down IRL and posting about it here.
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I think it was disingenuous of her to come in and pretend she hasn't any skin in the game while challenging our views. Would you not think it disingenuous if I was suddenly named in FV's pod.
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She's also a banned member on this site. She's been on here for some time by the looks of things under this username
 
SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
I think it was disingenuous of her to come in and pretend she hasn't any skin in the game while challenging our views. Would you not think it disingenuous if I was suddenly named in FV's pod.
?

She's also a banned member on this site. She's been on here for some time by the looks of things under this username
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I’m with JaneQSmythe on this one. And to me, being disingenuous isn’t a violation. We can always assume that some takes are more informed or more biased without identifying people or hinting that we have info about someone that would change everyone’s opinion about the person if we shared it (a theme of this thread).

Saying you’ve discovered who a forum member is IRL is not benign, and invites the sharing of that info. Outing users is not okay with me, even if it’s to somehow prove that they are hiding something that we should care about. Many people are hiding something. It’s an intentionally anonymous forum.

If someone is violating the terms of the site (banned user with new user name), please take it up with the Mods. Don’t risk your own good standing (and deprive us of your very appreciated voice) by getting banned for outing other members.
 
Personally, I'd like to know if someone is being a sockpuppet. I think someone who is compromising the integrity of this forum should be called out. No need to dox anyone though. I think it's enough to know one of the posters misrepresented themselves. If they broke the forum rules it should be reported.
 
I'm with SlowPoly and JaneQSmythe. It's not okay to want to out someone on an anonymous forum and I am very uncomfortable with the way this thread is going.

Since Franklin is a public figure, how could someone actually be honest and say they're an ex of his while also keeping anonymous? Sure, it might be disingenuous and maybe in that case they shouldn't post at all in an anonymous forum. But...I don't know, there's something weird about this.

SeasonedPoly, I have been struggling through this entire thread to understand where you're coming from. I don't understand your insistence that these women (all 6+ of them) must ALL be unable to tell the difference between being abused and being with a shitty partner. Instead they must ALL be women who just aren't used to things not going their way!

Why would that be MORE LIKELY than that one guy is abusive?
 
No one got outed, folks.
MeeraReed said:
I'm with SlowPoly and JaneQSmythe. It's not okay to want to out someone on an anonymous forum and I am very uncomfortable with the way this thread is going.

Since Franklin is a public figure, how could someone actually be honest and say they're an ex of his while also keeping anonymous? Sure, it might be disingenuous and maybe in that case they shouldn't post at all in an anonymous forum. But...I don't know, there's something weird about this.

SeasonedPoly, I have been struggling through this entire thread to understand where you're coming from. I don't understand your insistence that these women (all 6+ of them) must ALL be unable to tell the difference between being abused and being with a shitty partner. Instead they must ALL be women who just aren't used to things not going their way!

Why would that be MORE LIKELY than that one guy is abusive?
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It's not 6 out of 6. That would weird, that's true. But it's 6 out of we don't know how many but likely quite a few given he is 50 or something.
 
MeeraReed said:
I'm with SlowPoly and JaneQSmythe. It's not okay to want to out someone on an anonymous forum and I am very uncomfortable with the way this thread is going.

Since Franklin is a public figure, how could someone actually be honest and say they're an ex of his while also keeping anonymous? Sure, it might be disingenuous and maybe in that case they shouldn't post at all in an anonymous forum. But...I don't know, there's something weird about this.

SeasonedPoly, I have been struggling through this entire thread to understand where you're coming from. I don't understand your insistence that these women (all 6+ of them) must ALL be unable to tell the difference between being abused and being with a shitty partner. Instead they must ALL be women who just aren't used to things not going their way!

Why would that be MORE LIKELY than that one guy is abusive?
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The person is a regular on another site. Also their old posts on this site hint as much.

In the latest post, the things that they accuse FV of doing read much more like shitty partner than abusive partner. I've had this opinion from the start - the new information hasn't changed my mind. It's all "he wouldn't get a proper job" and stuff like that. To me, abuse is "he took my bank cards".
 
vinsanity0 said:
Personally, I'd like to know if someone is being a sockpuppet. I think someone who is compromising the integrity of this forum should be called out. No need to dox anyone though. I think it's enough to know one of the posters misrepresented themselves.
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My feelings, too. Poly prides itself on honesty but the person wasn't upfront about her real place in all of this. She was not a disinterested party, she was in the thick of it, promoting herself/ her side against him without admitting it was herself she was promoting.

MeeraReed said:
SeasonedPoly, I have been struggling through this entire thread to understand where you're coming from. I don't understand your insistence that these women (all 6+ of them) must ALL be unable to tell the difference between being abused and being with a shitty partner. Instead they must ALL be women who just aren't used to things not going their way!

Why would that be MORE LIKELY than that one guy is abusive?
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I can only speak for myself, but the reason I find it hard to believe he's 'abusive' rather than just turned out to be not the greatest partner (at least in their eyes) is that if someone abuses me, it's easy to say so: He slapped me, punched me, gaslighted till I didn't know which end was up, killed my dog to scare me into doing what I was told, etc.

If he's abusive, then quit alluding to the horrible things he supposedly did and just say what he did that's so awful.

And I will re-state what I said before: I have no interest either way in whether Franklin Veux is or is not an abuser. I have an interest in truth and if people are going to accuse someone, they have an obligation to back it up.

I have a nephew who was a victim of someone alluding to, hinting, that he'd done something really terrible...but they wouldn't say what it was. It was just too awful to speak (supposedly). So they didn't lie exactly...but my nephew was in real danger of having other people believe he'd done something truly awful. It cost him one relationship that meant a lot to him, and could have cost him far more, including his job.
 
WhatHappened said:
I can only speak for myself, but the reason I find it hard to believe he's 'abusive' rather than just turned out to be not the greatest partner (at least in their eyes) is that if someone abuses me, it's easy to say so: He slapped me, punched me, gaslighted till I didn't know which end was up, killed my dog to scare me into doing what I was told, etc.



.
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Words no longer mean what they used to. It's a trend I've noticed over the last five years. The goalposts have been moved on... everything. And you are not allowed to question it. Nuance is dead.
 
Also discovered that our sock puppet/ex of FV in this thread was previously a moderator on said other site after being appointed as mod by the former group owner. That former group owner was the person that was recently ousted from the pod (PM) due to recent allegations against them.

This is sounding more and more like a group of friends are trying to play judge and jury.
 
Moderator note:

If you have evidence of a sock puppet please bring it to the attention of the moderators, privately. Otherwise, you are requested to respect the privacy of other forum members and to avoid trying to publically identify those who may wish to remain anonymous.
 
Mod Note


As previously mentioned by Emm and as written in the first line of the forum guidelines, there is a responsibility for people to be considerate to each other.

As regards privacy and presumptions of anonymity, everyone has access to the warnings and information before and upon signing up. This is an open and public forum, so whatever you post will remain on the board and publicly searchable for anyone on google.

If you post using a common name, or reveal identifying details that a small and insular online poly community is able to make connections on other public fora, it is not this forum's job to conceal or cleanup after you. Take responsibility for your posting habits like an adult. If you wish relative anonymity, it's your responsibility to preserve it.

As it affects the current situation, no rules were broken, nor were identifying details disclosed in the posts. Information was only alluded and appears to be based on otherwise public information and a side of gossip. The consideration standard was upheld, but very much on the edge of a fuzzy line that I would not encourage anyone to replicate.

By the same token, being a discussion area, and where irregularities are noticed, we're not inclined to censor someone for simply pointing out that there might be something amiss. See the paragraph above about taking responsibility.

Let there be no mistake: Doxxing or posting of private information that hasn't legitimately made public will NOT be acceptable.

Everyone here has the responsibility to preserve the environment of the forum for open discussion. I appreciate you all for working towards that.

 
So are you thinking that there is a conspiracy of people (women, I assume) who have deliberately set out to ruin Franklin's life? Including by committing identity theft & tax fraud?

And, again, this seems MORE LIKELY to you than that Franklin is abusive?

???
 
MeeraReed said:
So are you thinking that there is a conspiracy of people (women, I assume) who have deliberately set out to ruin Franklin's life? Including by committing identity theft & tax fraud?

And, again, this seems MORE LIKELY to you than that Franklin is abusive?

???
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I have no idea if the tax stuff is related to this but yes, based on everything I've seen, I do think a bunch of friends went on a witch hunt to prove someone's incompatible ex who was a substandard partner was some awful abuser.

Other people online (post now deleted from FB) have revealed that the pod went around any and everyone they could who had been in a relationship with to try and get them to also come forward with claims of abuse. This included twisting words of what the person reported and attempting to convince them that, yes, this thing they viewed as a sign the relationship wasn't going to work as part of his catalogue of abuse. They spammed his FB friend's inboxes with pressure to disassociate from him (publicly stated on FB).

I think entitlement is an issue here, as well as people who wanted to be like the cool kids and poly in a way that wasn't suited to them. They may have been caught in a trap of wanting to be good at something they feel is better or more ethical than alternatives. A lot of average poly people (30ish, white, identify as feminist, often have ethical eating habits like veganism) think that the only right way to do poly is towards an egalitarian polyamorous relationship rather than swinging or hierarchical poly or a DADT. They will pursue this at the expense of their contentment just to live up to some ideal.

You're not entitled to healthy, happy relationships. You have to build them. That's what gives you the right to have them. Effort and understanding. Not simply being there.

I have no doubts that FV was likely a neglectful partner but that simply doesn't constitute accusations of abuse or this whole "call-out" business either. I think it makes a mockery of real attempts at transformative or restorative justice where people have been genuinely violated.
 
MeeraReed said:
So are you thinking that there is a conspiracy of people (women, I assume) who have deliberately set out to ruin Franklin's life? Including by committing identity theft & tax fraud?

And, again, this seems MORE LIKELY to you than that Franklin is abusive?

???
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I don't necessarily believe the same people accusing FV of abuse are committing tax fraud, although knowing his SSN would certainly make this easier. This may be some of the damage done (by others wanting to take down a tarnished guru) as a result of the allegation. The damage that was claimed to be easy to recover from in a prior post.

Regardless of the intent of the survivor pod to have this be "transformative justice," the court of public opinion will do what it will, and *it* will likely get punitive with its actions. People love the tear-down of icons. I think it's naive at best to say otherwise.

To answer your question, I find it more likely that someone is attacking FV directly rather than this being the outcome of a data breach. He may well be abusive too; they're not mutually exclusive.
 
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