Hello - excited and scared here. Jumping in...

[Laika257]

Hello - This is my very first post anywhere in the poly world. My name is Star, and I live in Arizona.

I am a cis female in a committed hetero relationship of 10 years. Just my brain is starting to wake up to the feeling that in my heart I've always been bisexual/polysexual. Me and my partner have talked about this and he is open. All of my relationships have been hetero and yet there are so many memories of attraction to women and it's crazy to realize now that I was completely blind to it at the time. My sexual experiences have all been hetero IRL but my dream world is full of all kinds of variations.

My sweet man is my life parter and I can't imagine my life without him. We are feeling like we are open to the idea of adding one more person to our life and for me it feels so right that it's a relief like I've never felt before. It's a calming thought. We are not actively looking right now because of the pandemic so it's an online adventure at the moment.

Life with me is about animals. I have a cat, many fish and a few reptiles. Also the animals in my back yard get a lot of love. Outside of that photography is my passion: abstract macros, photo-art. Music is a big part of what moves me especially when nothing else can get me going. I like going for hikes in the Sonoran desert though here in southern Arizona it's really limited to the fall, winter, spring because of the weather. We live next to a large desert patch and we get quite a few wild animals coming by for a drink of water. We get everything from coyotes and wildcats to roadrunners. It's awesome.

This is exciting and scary. I'm looking forward to many great conversations.

 

[TXretired]

Welcome. Just keep talking. There are time when our lives take a dogleg. That is when talking is most important.

 

[Magdlyn]

Hello - This is my very first post anywhere in the poly world. My name is Star, and I live in Arizona.

I am a cis female in a committed hetero relationship of 10 years. Just my brain is starting to wake up to the feeling that in my heart I've always been bisexual/polysexual. Me and my partner have talked about this and he is open. All of my relationships have been hetero and yet there are so many memories of attraction to women and it's crazy to realize now that I was completely blind to it at the time. My sexual experiences have all been hetero IRL but my dream world is full of all kinds of variations.

My sweet man is my life parter and I can't imagine my life without him. We are feeling like we are open to the idea of adding one more person to our life and for me it feels so right that it's a relief like I've never felt before. It's a calming thought. We are not actively looking right now because of the pandemic so it's an online adventure at the moment.

Life with me is about animals. I have a cat, many fish and a few reptiles. Also the animals in my back yard get a lot of love. Outside of that photography is my passion: abstract macros, photo-art. Music is a big part of what moves me especially when nothing else can get me going. I like going for hikes in the Sonoran desert though here in southern Arizona it's really limited to the fall, winter, spring because of the weather. We live next to a large desert patch and we get quite a few wild animals coming by for a drink of water. We get everything from coyotes and wildcats to roadrunners. It's awesome.

This is exciting and scary. I'm looking forward to many great conversations.

I'm glad you're excited to explore your lesbian side. Just be aware that many experienced poly people will think of you and your sweet man as "unicorn hunters." Just because you and he are both attracted to women does not mean you will be attracted to the same woman, or find a woman who is equally attracted to both of you. And even if you find a unicorn where there is initial attraction, converting that to a long term relationship is a whole other ball game.

I am going to recommend you read the book Opening Up, and these 2 articles, to start with.

The Most Skipped Step When Opening a Relationship

You’ve had hundreds of hours of discussions on what your open relationship will look like? Check!

medium.com

So, someone called you a Unicorn Hunter?

This article is a long, technical discussion of what being a "Unicorn Hunter" means, what's wrong with it, and how people in such a situation can try to avoid the negative stereotypes associated with such behavior and get the things that they are ultimately looking for. It is written in a…

davidlnoble.livejournal.com

 

[GalaGirl]

Welcome.

Go slow. Read things. In additions to what Mags suggested? Maybe take a look at

Free Downloads from Opening Up – OpeningUp.net

Practical Polyamory

Information on relationship skills, education and activism information related to the practice of polyamory; polyamory media resource.

practicalpolyamory.com

Articles - kathylabriola.com

To promote the private practice for Kathy Labriola, Counselor/Nurse and to provide educational materials for the community.

www.kathylabriola.com

We are feeling like we are open to the idea of adding one more person to our life and for me it feels so right that it's a relief like I've never felt before.

That is usually the easiest way to start thinking about it. "Just like us, only with three people!"

The reality might be more like you and he broke up on purpose. The old relationship model is gone, the old normal is gone. Because you decided to do this NEW relationship model called open/poly where each of you can date other people. And because the "new normal" might not appear right away? Be patient and figure on there being a transition time as you adjust to this new way of going.

If you need a visual aid, in the middle of this article there is one for the stages of emotional change.

Transitions: managing personal and organizational change

Article describing the transition process, its effects on our work & personal and implications for managers.

www.eoslifework.co.uk

I would not jump right to a triad where you date the same person. That's one of the hardest models. It's hard enough being new without also being jealous your partner is dating your GF. And vice versa. And the new partner might not be into each of you the same. And it sucks to feel like they date you only to gain access to the other one. It might be better for each of you to date your own separate partners.

Also talk about how this would end WELL if it has to end.

Because people sometimes assume it will just go back to "original couple here and those other people there" But it doesn't work out that way each time. It could end up at everyone single. Then what?

Not trying to be a wet blanket -- just saying to go slow, read, talk, and be prepared for changes. That hopefully turn out well like you hope... but at the same time... you are responsible for your own emergency preparedness if they turn out another way.

GL!
Galagirl

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Star,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You seem like an excellent person, with many cool interests and the courage to try something new. I think it would be perfect for you and your partner to add a special lady to your relationship, just be patient, and don't be afraid to dream. I hope Polyamory.com will help you realize that dream, and you might help a few others along the way. I'm glad you're here!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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