FallenAngelina
Well-known member
Kevin, do you have experience with this dynamic? Just curious on what you are basing your advice.I still think there's something weird about this whole D/s thing, like it's an area she doesn't want you to visit.
Kevin, do you have experience with this dynamic? Just curious on what you are basing your advice.I still think there's something weird about this whole D/s thing, like it's an area she doesn't want you to visit.
Others more experienced that I can add more, but from what I know, it's rare for a long time couple to suddenly switch into this kink dynamic. You'd be in the vast minority if you were able to switch into D/S with your wife for more than a few tries. Yes, you can read up on it, buy equipment and costumes, but don't feel as if you've failed if it doesn't work out. Many people try it and find that the marriage has a very different energy than the power exchange relationship one of them has in mind. That well established marriage energy is near impossible to override. This is why it often feels much more natural and desirable for one of the mates to have a D/S relationship with someone else.
We have begun to speak with a therapist, but my wife is having trouble trusting the therapist, as she seemed to "take my side" too often.
i have shut down at times, i have felt amazing at times, only to be mad at myself or guilty for falling back into fear and anxiety about the unknown. I want my wife to be happy, so i feel guilty for not being able to get to a place of comfort about her meetup fast enough.
Sometimes I have no frame of reference as to whether or not my concerns are based in reality or just dark insecure corners. I don't have a lot of insecurity that I was aware of. I'm not so naive as to say there's none.
Others more experienced that I can add more, but from what I know, it's rare for a long time couple to suddenly switch into this kink dynamic. You'd be in the vast minority if you were able to switch into D/S with your wife for more than a few tries. Yes, you can read up on it, buy equipment and costumes, but don't feel as if you've failed if it doesn't work out. Many people try it and find that the marriage has a very different energy than the power exchange relationship one of them has in mind. That well established marriage energy is near impossible to override. This is why it often feels much more natural and desirable for one of the mates to have a D/S relationship with someone else.
Hey Mzill,
So much of your post rang true for me. I feel like you're taking it much better than I did but, you've read my thread. Thanks for the link, by the way. I'll check it out when I have a little more time on my hands.
I'm still feeling the occasional pangs of jealousy. How are you doing with that?
That seems to be a running theme. Spitfire has made me promise that when we start therapy that she has the right to quit and find a new one if she doesn't like them. Given our couples counseling in the past where she felt like it was too one sided, it's conceivable that this is the same reason. Maybe you just need to let her find one that she likes. Or maybe you've got the right idea and I'm just being too noncommittal.
I feel you. I'm at a pretty steady place right now but I went through some times where I straight up could not function as a normal human being. It seems like it's a pretty standard thing to experience. I've seen that story pop up a few times around here.
It's crazy what a total restructure of your core beliefs can do to you. I thought I was doing great. I thought I had beat vanity back in college. I was happy with who I was. Then all of a sudden I hate the guy I see in the mirror. I'm jealous of my wife's time and hoard it like it's a pile of gold (it may very well be). I have angry and scared thoughts that I didn't know I was capable of. Also I was lonelier than I'd ever been in my whole life. Opening up my feelings more to Spitfire really helped me. So did dumping my feelings all over this site. I'm not saying I'm out of the woods or that what worked for me will help you but...
if you need someone to talk to, even if they're just there to listen(or read in this case) I'd be happy to be an open set of eyes. Take care of yourself and best of luck!
-BrokenArrow
kept reaching out to her after she "broke contact". apparently the last time he told my wife that she would cheat on me with one of the guys, would it be him or the other guy or both?