Hello From, Long Island, NY.. New to Poly Lifestyle...

Innerpeace4me

New member
Hello All,

So happy to have found this group and have learned a lot so far, and looking forward to learning more.

I am a 45 y/o male. I am new to this lifestyle and trying to learn the right way to manage and deal with feelings. I am separated from my wife (she is not a part of this lifestyle), basically divorced without it being legal. We coparent and are now amazing friends.

I am currently involved in a poly relationship (over a year) with an amazing woman who is with another man. He and I are friends (we all were before the relationship started). He and I do not share a sexual connection. We are straight. If I have the terms right, I think that makes me a metamour? He is her primary partner.

The bond between her and me is very strong, physically and emotionally. I am very much enjoying life and this situation, but sometimes feel myself a bit confused on how to feel about the "big picture." My life goals are very different from theirs, as there is a significant age gap between her and me, slightly shorter for him and me. Sometimes, trying to process those feelings, I struggle. We have had the "boundaries" chat (although some parts weren't crystal clear to me).

I have been married. I have a teenage son and we are at a happy place in life. Anyway, I am not sure how much I'm supposed to write here before the thread gets moved to the personal summaries portion, but wanted to dump this for you all to read. I look forward to learning more, feeling more and becoming more.
 
Hey Innerpeace,

Welcome to polyamory.com. Things sound good for you.

If "the boundaries chat" left you confused, bring it up again. I am not sure what you mean by boundaries. Maybe you and gf need to further clarify that between yourselves. There is nothing more important in poly than frequent open and clear communication, feeling heard, feeling you really understand where your partner is coming from. You can't just coast like people often do in conventional mono relationships.

Feel free to start a thread in the Relationships forum with any viewpoints or questions about boundaries (or anything else).

Check out the Golden Nuggets section for reading resources, articles, books, a podcast, and a list of archived merged threads going back to 2009 on a myriad of poly topics.
 
Thank you, when I said boundaries, I think I should have said rules. There should be rules, right? To help ensure comfort for all of us involved.
 
Thank you, when I said boundaries I think I should have said rules. There should be rules, right? To help ensure comfort for all of us involved.
Great question. Please start a thread in the Relationships section with this question. The differences between boundaries, rules, guidelines, preferences, negotiations and agreements take some work to explain!
 
Greetings Innerpeace4me,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You are a metamour to the other man in your V. You and the other man could also be termed the legs of the V. The woman both of you are involved with could be termed the hinge of the V.

I have looked at your other thread, and responded there briefly. To summarize, communication -- quality and quantity -- is vital in a poly situation. Avoid assumptions like the plague. Anyway I hope Polyamory.com serves you well, as you embark upon this poly journey.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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