Hello from PA

[WorthyWidow]

Hello everyone,

As you can see from my name, I am a widow. My husband died suddenly 3 years ago and I have been moving through the grieving process since then. I am ready to start dating again and I don't know where to begin.

I'm here because we had been in talks about polyamory and open relationships and he had been open to the idea. We were able to have great conversations about it because we had a strong foundation ourselves.

Now I am left alone and wondering what I am going to do with my life. I feel isolated as a single poly person and struggle with dating because I not only come with baggage of being a widow, I also want an alternative lifestyle. I don't know if I am the rare 'unicorn' that people talk about but I just want to find a primary partner who understands that I wont be exclusive.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Magdlyn]

I am sorry for your loss.

Whether you are divorced or widowed will probably not matter to the men/women you want to date. Unless one is a very young person, we all come with a dating/relationship history. Since you've given yourself 3 years to grieve, and are feeling interested in dating, emotionally healthy (more or less; no one's perfect), you sound good to go.

There are plenty of men out there interested in casual relationships. You could start there. Get on a dating app, or join hobby groups where you might meet likeminded people. Tell your current friends you're ready to date. Don't just focus on potential dating/love interests. Making platonic friends, or reconnecting with older friends can lead to parties, get-togethers and eventually you might meet someone nice who shares your values.

Sometimes relationships start out casual and turn more serious. Sometimes they end instead. Sometimes there is a huge spark and you think he/she is The One, only to have things go wrong. It takes work and perseverance to reach your goal. Then, if you meet 2 people who are both long term runners, you need to work on your "hinge" skills to keep things balanced and good.

Dating is hard. I divorced at age 53. I had a lot of fun, but also disappointments. It did not hinder me to be poly, however. I am not sure how old you are or if you want to remarry, but I hope you find some great companionship.

I am not sure what you mean by "rare unicorn." Would you explain? In poly, it's a hot bi babe who is willing to be a shared chew toy for a MF couple, where the guy is straight and the woman is bi or bi-curious. She is expected to love and desire each person of the couple equally, and if she doesn't, or if one if them likes her but the other loses interest, she is likely to get dumped. It's not a nice prospect.

 

[GalaGirl]

Welcome.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband's passing. Some time has passed. You sound like you have healed and are ready to date again. That's fine.

I agree with Mags. Unless just starting to date as a teen or young adult? Most people do come with a history. Most older adults get that.

As you start to date again? You could be up front and honest with potentials about where you are in this chapter of life. You are a widow who is starting to date again, and are seeking a primary partner who understands you don't want to be exclusive.

Since you talked about open/poly but didn't get to actually get to that point with your husband? Maybe do a little reading and preparation if you haven't already. Here's two places to start.

Practical Polyamory

Information on relationship skills, education and activism information related to the practice of polyamory; polyamory media resource.

practicalpolyamory.com

kathylabriola.com

Kathy's new zine published by Microcosm Guide to Happy Polydays: How Polyamorous People Can Thrive Between Thanksgiving and New Year's Book Reviews by Kathy Labriola:See Below_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

www.kathylabriola.com

Galagirl

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings WorthyWidow,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

So sorry about your husband. You never really stop grieving about something like that, but you do decide at some point that you are ready to move forward.

My suggestion would be to get out there and meet people. Take a class. Join a club. Something you're interested in. Get to know people. In time, there might be someone you could ask out on a date. There are of course dating sites, but they are of dubious merit.

I'm glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

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