Hello from Pittsburgh MF poly couple

3

3040mandm

New member
Good Morning Forum,

We are a poly couple from Pittsburgh, PA.

She's 33 and I'm 42. We had our first and so far only relationship cross-state with someone and fell in love and at the 11th hour after we moved into a bigger home for all of us to live in, she backed out and only texts us to this very day. Text broke up with us, and text apologized for the text break up.... I dunno, kind of like cleaning a filthy floor with a bucket of filthy black water?? LOL

Not trying to be a downer at all, but that is our background in poly so far. There were really good times with the person we thought we knew back then. Hope to find someone real someday. We are hoping for much better experiences in the future naturally and we never give up hope.

Poly isn't a very big thing in Pittsburgh. Doesn't seem to be many of us here or we just haven't found them.
 
Hello from the other side of the state! If you think the poly community in Pitt is small, try rural NEPA ;)

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience. FWIW, I think most people's first poly relationships are rough--it's like your first boyfriend in high school, none of you really know what you are doing so of course you have all the problems. Some people muddle through them and build a relationship that lasts, most live, learn, and move on. I hope your next relationships work better for both of you.
 
it took me sometime to get my mind around it

Hi, I never really talked about all the things that went through my mind before I move into Renee's home. I was really scared, nervous, and stressed about it. I was like really tense, and one time I snapped at Renee. I am way past it now but it was a difficult transition for me to make. Communication and a journal really helped, all things Renee introduced me to. Well she introduce me to communication but I never really talked about my feelings like I do now.

I know its frustrating to have plans and have someone back out at the 11th hour. Give her the space she needs, maybe it will work out..
 
Poly isn't a very big thing in Pittsburgh. Doesn't seem to be many of us here or we just haven't found them.[/QUOTE]
Have you tried any Yahoo groups ? I live in a small Rural town in Va and I was able to find a poly group. It was really awesome, at least for me personally.

I do agree with Middlegirl, Keep a journal, for thoughts and feelings that might arise, or just to vent. I know it has and still helping me tremendously! :)
 
3040mandm said:
Good Morning Forum,

We are a poly couple from Pittsburgh, PA.

She's 33 and I'm 42.
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Hi and welcome to the board.

Have you read the Rules and Guidelines? It is strongly requested that all individual members have their own account. It is extremely confusing when a couple wants to post as a "we." At the very least, if a couple insists on sharing an account, it is required each individual sign each post, depending on who wrote it, with their own (anonymous) name, ie, Oscar, Vera, Oliver, Paige, etc. Thanks in advance!

We had our first and so far only relationship cross-state with someone and fell in love and at the 11th hour after we moved into a bigger home for all of us to live in, she backed out...
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It can be very hard to go from a LDR to a 3person share of a living space. It is especially hard on the "secondary" or "unicorn" new person to find her (it's almost always a her) footing in the company of an established couple.

What were the expectations? Were there children? Was she to be a discreet secret, or would she be acknowledged, accepted and even loved by all your friends and family? What about finances, long term security if one of you died? What if someone was hospitalized and only next of kin could visit? What about sharing space, awake and sleeping? What about schedules, for work, dates, sex? Were any of you going to be open to more lovers, or were you to be a closed relationship forever? If you two are married, and she isn't, she doesn't reap automatic marital benefits. Were these topics addressed to her satisfaction?

Not trying to be a downer at all, but that is our background in poly so far. There were really good times with the person we thought we knew back then. Hope to find someone real someday.
Click to expand...

You're searching for a unicorn, a mythical creature.

Try reading So Someone Called You a Unicorn Hunter?

http://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html
 
3040mandm said:
Poly isn't a very big thing in Pittsburgh. Doesn't seem to be many of us here or we just haven't found them.
Click to expand...

You might want to look at the MeetUps available. The largest group I know of is the Pittsburgh Alternative Relationships Group (PARG). It is not, strictly speaking, a poly group, but a mix of poly, open, swingers, kinksters, etc. We've had a number of Pittsburgh posters here over the last years that I have been here. And I find a fair number of poly folks in the area browsing OKC.

(We don't live in the city but it is the closest "big city" for us.)

JaneQ
 
Greetings 3040mandm,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I'm assuming you've already googled "Pittsburgh polyamory" ... hopefully even "Pennsylvania polyamory" as well. Other resources to help you find nearby poly groups and people:

Sorry your first poly experience didn't work out so well; hopefully you'll have more luck in the future.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Hello

Sorry your experience ended abruptly.
I currently married and prior to being married my husband introduced me to polyamory. It was very difficult and admittedly it still is for me. The other person may have had similar feelings, new to a this type of relation, sharing the person she's closest to with someone else... Several things may have happened to scare her away.
I'm in Pittsburgh and agree it's very hard to find friends and/or other poly people around here. When another persons has entered a relationship with us, it seems they really just either wanted to have fun or they were hoping to remove me from the picture all together. its been a while since we have been involved with anyone else simply because it's a different lifestyle and it's not for anyone or everyone. I enjoy it myself.
Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Just wanted to share a few thoughts...
 
Welcome JennaferD.
 
Greetings!

Hello, from Northern PA! Where I'm from is very isolated. There is no Poly groups, or anything, so I commiserate with your inability to find others. I'm sorry you went through the situation you did. I hope it gets better.
 
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