PolyCurious911
New member
I have been married to my wife for almost twelve years. Our relationship has been monogamous up until very recently. We have a ton of things in common and connect on many different levels. We have two children and have built a beautiful life together that we truly enjoy and appreciate.
Our journey into the world of polyamory came at my suggestion a couple years ago. Several times over the course of our marriage, my wife confronted me with questions around my attraction to her and whether or not I was even in love with her. Some times after intimacy, she would state that she didn't feel a connection with me and that it felt like I was just going through the motions. I didn't understand things at the time, but I will get to that later. In my confusion, I would also take it personally that I had difficulty satisfying her during sex with an orgasm which added to my own feelings of inadequacy. To bring this satisfaction, both physically and emotionally to our sex life, I suggested the possibility of a cuckold type situation where she might be able to fill a void that I truly felt incapable of filling.
She flat out rejected the idea as too risky for our marriage but it continued to come up at different times since. I stopped bringing it up after she explained it felt like I would just keep mentioning it until she agreed so it felt like coercion. She recently started to explore the idea on her own as a way to bring something to our relationship that we both felt I wanted. Her initial mindset was that this was something to do for me.
Though neither potential partner has worked out (one is ongoing, but with a lot of complexity and ethical concerns but nothing sexual at this point outside of sexting). The exploration has raised some significant concepts for us as individuals.
On my side, I've learned about attachment styles and realized that I have been Attachment Avoidant the majority of my life. What I realized is that I was giving away the emotional piece of our relationship to someone else. In retrospect, experimenting with the cuckolding situation would probably have been disastrous. This realization has brought on an openness and closeness to our relationship that has me feeling a level of love that I have never felt for anyone before, including myself. It's absolutely amazing.
On her side, she's realized she has people pleasing tendencies and is learning that she fails to consider her wants and needs when navigating situations and relationships. She's a giver and an empath. She now identifies as poly demisexual and that is where we are at in our very young journey into the world of polyamory. So many of these terms are brand new, but I've discovered the idea of compersion when considering her relationships with others. When she tells me about ways in which relationships feel good...I love it and I'm happy for her. But when she tells me about her current relationship and how she feels (at times) mistreated or bad, I feel an equal amount of resentment and get upset that someone would treat her that way. She deserves better.
For myself, I'm currently not interested in exploring polyamory because I have so much work to do. I am emotionally available to my wife in a way that I have never been available to anyone and I think there is just too much growth I need to go through to make sure I maintain this level of connection and openness with her. That could change over time. We've realized very quickly that these relationship dynamics can shift rapidly. But for now, we consider our relationship Mono-Poly.
We're working with a sex positive therapist to help us navigate these new dynamics and through some of her questions have determined that Kitchen Table Poly is probably most suited for our relationship, in part because of my attachment styles and insecurities and in other ways because she would prefer it to be an open friendship between myself and her other relationships. This is presently our most ideal situation.
So that's a bit long, but I think a fair introduction of who I am and where we're at in our journey. I'm excited to be part of the community and look forward to meeting and discussing topics with you all. Thank you!
Our journey into the world of polyamory came at my suggestion a couple years ago. Several times over the course of our marriage, my wife confronted me with questions around my attraction to her and whether or not I was even in love with her. Some times after intimacy, she would state that she didn't feel a connection with me and that it felt like I was just going through the motions. I didn't understand things at the time, but I will get to that later. In my confusion, I would also take it personally that I had difficulty satisfying her during sex with an orgasm which added to my own feelings of inadequacy. To bring this satisfaction, both physically and emotionally to our sex life, I suggested the possibility of a cuckold type situation where she might be able to fill a void that I truly felt incapable of filling.
She flat out rejected the idea as too risky for our marriage but it continued to come up at different times since. I stopped bringing it up after she explained it felt like I would just keep mentioning it until she agreed so it felt like coercion. She recently started to explore the idea on her own as a way to bring something to our relationship that we both felt I wanted. Her initial mindset was that this was something to do for me.
Though neither potential partner has worked out (one is ongoing, but with a lot of complexity and ethical concerns but nothing sexual at this point outside of sexting). The exploration has raised some significant concepts for us as individuals.
On my side, I've learned about attachment styles and realized that I have been Attachment Avoidant the majority of my life. What I realized is that I was giving away the emotional piece of our relationship to someone else. In retrospect, experimenting with the cuckolding situation would probably have been disastrous. This realization has brought on an openness and closeness to our relationship that has me feeling a level of love that I have never felt for anyone before, including myself. It's absolutely amazing.
On her side, she's realized she has people pleasing tendencies and is learning that she fails to consider her wants and needs when navigating situations and relationships. She's a giver and an empath. She now identifies as poly demisexual and that is where we are at in our very young journey into the world of polyamory. So many of these terms are brand new, but I've discovered the idea of compersion when considering her relationships with others. When she tells me about ways in which relationships feel good...I love it and I'm happy for her. But when she tells me about her current relationship and how she feels (at times) mistreated or bad, I feel an equal amount of resentment and get upset that someone would treat her that way. She deserves better.
For myself, I'm currently not interested in exploring polyamory because I have so much work to do. I am emotionally available to my wife in a way that I have never been available to anyone and I think there is just too much growth I need to go through to make sure I maintain this level of connection and openness with her. That could change over time. We've realized very quickly that these relationship dynamics can shift rapidly. But for now, we consider our relationship Mono-Poly.
We're working with a sex positive therapist to help us navigate these new dynamics and through some of her questions have determined that Kitchen Table Poly is probably most suited for our relationship, in part because of my attachment styles and insecurities and in other ways because she would prefer it to be an open friendship between myself and her other relationships. This is presently our most ideal situation.
So that's a bit long, but I think a fair introduction of who I am and where we're at in our journey. I'm excited to be part of the community and look forward to meeting and discussing topics with you all. Thank you!