yogiskeleton
New member
Hi all!
I'm 31F and fairly new to polyamory and have been finding that my situation is somewhat unique as a newbie than others due to the fact that my boyfriend and I entered in to our relationship together as two relatively single people who have polyamorous intentions. I say this is unique because the types of posts that I've seen here and around the internet regarding those who are new to poly seem to be from people who have been in monogamous relationships and have come together to explore new ways of love and relationships. Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough, but I'm having trouble finding others with my same perspective.
When John and I started dating in March we started off with a very strong connection however agreeing that we wanted to keep things casual as neither of us wanted to feel "trapped" in a monogamous relationship which was something we both had experienced in the past. We have had a lot of great conversations about how we look at life that have helped us to grow closer together as we both keep learning about how similar we are and how well we really mesh together on many different levels. It's been a wonderful 8.5 months.
In early October we sat down and had another conversation about us and shared that we love each other and had a beautiful night together. Polyamory was briefly mentioned but not exactly expanded on. A few days later I brought it up and we talked a little bit but we haven't really talked much about it since.
We have great, open, and healthy communication and I'm well aware that above anyone else in the world he is the most important person for me to be talking to about my feelings about everything, but I'm human and my anxiety makes it hard sometimes.
He's told me that he loves two people, me and his ex with whom he is still incredibly close with. To be fully transparent I don't actually know the full "extent" of their relationship at this moment. I did ask him during that second time bringing up poly if he would be willing to have our relationship be one where we share a little bit of information about people we are involved with outside of us, and he seemed really hesitant. I haven't brought it up again. I know that I should because it's been bothering me over the past few weeks. It's also important to note that he does talk to other girls and has gone on dates, but I know literally nothing about those events.
To go back to the beginning of this post, I'm struggling to find resources and help and advice on how to navigate my relationship with him and how to focus my life and work through my emotions. I'm finding it so complicated to try and describe coherently which is why I have been struggling with talking to him about it. Sometimes the closest way I can describe what I'm feeling is an insecurity or jealousy but it doesn't really make sense in my head because I shouldn't feel those ways because I'm also on dating sites and talk to men and women and have been getting myself to the point where I am setting up dates with others.
There just seems to be so much information and assistance for people who have transitioned from monogamous relationships to poly in some form or another but nothing for someone like me. I keep reading things about people who were first established as a couple that expanded into a V or a triad, etc. I've read things about people who become a third in a couple. I've read accounts of people who are solo-poly who don't want any defined sort of relationship. I keep finding myself feeling uncomfortable and it is absolutely not because I'm trying to do something that I don't actually want to do. It's more that I just don't know what I'm doing.
Thank you for reading.
yogiskeleton
I'm 31F and fairly new to polyamory and have been finding that my situation is somewhat unique as a newbie than others due to the fact that my boyfriend and I entered in to our relationship together as two relatively single people who have polyamorous intentions. I say this is unique because the types of posts that I've seen here and around the internet regarding those who are new to poly seem to be from people who have been in monogamous relationships and have come together to explore new ways of love and relationships. Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough, but I'm having trouble finding others with my same perspective.
When John and I started dating in March we started off with a very strong connection however agreeing that we wanted to keep things casual as neither of us wanted to feel "trapped" in a monogamous relationship which was something we both had experienced in the past. We have had a lot of great conversations about how we look at life that have helped us to grow closer together as we both keep learning about how similar we are and how well we really mesh together on many different levels. It's been a wonderful 8.5 months.
In early October we sat down and had another conversation about us and shared that we love each other and had a beautiful night together. Polyamory was briefly mentioned but not exactly expanded on. A few days later I brought it up and we talked a little bit but we haven't really talked much about it since.
We have great, open, and healthy communication and I'm well aware that above anyone else in the world he is the most important person for me to be talking to about my feelings about everything, but I'm human and my anxiety makes it hard sometimes.
He's told me that he loves two people, me and his ex with whom he is still incredibly close with. To be fully transparent I don't actually know the full "extent" of their relationship at this moment. I did ask him during that second time bringing up poly if he would be willing to have our relationship be one where we share a little bit of information about people we are involved with outside of us, and he seemed really hesitant. I haven't brought it up again. I know that I should because it's been bothering me over the past few weeks. It's also important to note that he does talk to other girls and has gone on dates, but I know literally nothing about those events.
To go back to the beginning of this post, I'm struggling to find resources and help and advice on how to navigate my relationship with him and how to focus my life and work through my emotions. I'm finding it so complicated to try and describe coherently which is why I have been struggling with talking to him about it. Sometimes the closest way I can describe what I'm feeling is an insecurity or jealousy but it doesn't really make sense in my head because I shouldn't feel those ways because I'm also on dating sites and talk to men and women and have been getting myself to the point where I am setting up dates with others.
There just seems to be so much information and assistance for people who have transitioned from monogamous relationships to poly in some form or another but nothing for someone like me. I keep reading things about people who were first established as a couple that expanded into a V or a triad, etc. I've read things about people who become a third in a couple. I've read accounts of people who are solo-poly who don't want any defined sort of relationship. I keep finding myself feeling uncomfortable and it is absolutely not because I'm trying to do something that I don't actually want to do. It's more that I just don't know what I'm doing.
Thank you for reading.
yogiskeleton
