Hello!

SantaAnaWinds

New member
Hi I'm..let's call me Santa Ana. I'm from Sydney, mid 20s.

I've wondered if I could be poly for a long time now, but I've never actually tried it. I've been single for five years, and boy, would I love for that to change.

Unfortunately, I've fallen for a straight girl and her boyfriend. I've never felt like this for two people at the same time before.

But she's straight. And they're monogamous. And they live on the other side of the world.

I don't know what I'm thinking. I guess I just want to talk these feelings out with people who might understand.

I hope that I can find that here.

Thanks.
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
Hello and welcome!

This is a good place to discuss and read and explore. You will find a variety of perspectives (some of which might actually agree!:p) Dating a couple, in particular, has a lot of it's own particular pitfalls that people new to poly often are not aware of. "Solo poly" is a concept that many people have never heard of or considered.

Kevin will probably be along in a little while with a lot of useful links. Feel free to poke around in any of the subforums and ask questions. The Life Stories and Blogs section is a little different in that it is a place for people to journal and organize their thoughts. Discussion there is limited unless people specifically ask for feedback.

I hope you find what you are looking for here.

JaneQ
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Greetings Santa Ana,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You will find some like-minded individuals here, with whom you can talk out your feelings. Here's some helpful links you might want to check out:

I can give other links too, depending on what specific questions you might have. As for that couple, it sounds like you might be able to have an LDR with them. Just so you're aware that the relationship with the (straight) woman will probably be limited to friendship. If you're willing, keep us posted on your situation as it evolves.

Good luck and I hope you enjoy our site!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
Hi I'm Santa Ana. I'm from Sydney, in my mid 20s.

I've wondered if I could be poly for a long time now, but I've never actually tried it. I've been single for five years, and boy, would I love for that to change.

That's a long time to be single. Your entire 20s you've been single? So you dated in high school, but have had trouble dating since.
Unfortunately, I've fallen for a girl and her boyfriend. I've never felt like this for two people at the same time before. But she's straight. And they're monogamous. And they live on the other side of the world.

So given your age, I'm gonna guess you met this couple gaming? Many of us meet potential partners online these days. I met my domestic partner on a dating site. Prior to joining the dating site, I got many crushes on people I "met" on hobby groups. Unfortunately, like in your situation, they were all far far away from me, so real dating was not possible. I then joined a dating site to meet people who were actually local. It worked out. I feel very lucky. I've had several successful poly relationships, one that has lasted 11 years so far, and others which ended after months or years for various reasons, but which I enjoyed and from which I benefited.

I don't know what I'm thinking. I guess I just want to talk these feelings out with people who might understand. I hope that I can find that here. Thanks.

It's fine to get crushes, but it's unwise to get your hopes up around an actual relationship with someone on the other side of the world. (Although we have one member, Evie, who has a bf in the US, and she's in NZ. They haven't ever met irl, and were going to in April, and then Covid struck.)

Especially if you're young and don't have tons of money (yet) for travel (after the pandemic, whenever that might be), it might be better to find a way to meet local people, instead of spending so much time online meeting people who are far away.

As for falling for a straight mono woman, and a mono man, well... Enjoy the crush. If you put less energy into it, it will gradually recede. Think about putting more energy into finding local dating partners.

BTW, you can be poly without dating a couple. Some (most) poly couples date separately. If you want 2 partners, you could find 2 separate individuals. Yes, it's possible to love 2 or more people, romantically.
 
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MeeraReed

Active member
When I was in my 20s, hopeless crushes for me were a sign that I was looking for something. The crush itself wasn't what I was looking for, but the crush represented what I was looking for.

Like, I briefly had a crush on a married monogamous man in my professional circle. He was very intellectual--it was an indication that I hadn't been intellectually stimulated in my previous relationships and needed to look for more intellectual men. (But not pine for an unavailable married man who wasn't interested in me and that I would work with professionally!).

In your case, maybe your crush means you find the idea of dating a couple kind of erotic. Maybe you previously thought you were only interested in women, but now you are intrigued by the idea of a threesome with a woman and her male partner.

If that's the case, there are plenty of poly couples looking for a bi woman for a triad...but I hate to steer you toward them, many of them of hierarchical "unicorn hunters" that you should avoid.

If you want to be poly, be poly! But surely you can find someone local to you without pining for a straight woman on another continent (during a global pandemic that makes travel impossible, no less!)
 
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