Hello

A

ALA

New member
Hello All,
I've lurked for a few days since joining, reading and clicking links. I figured it was time to jump in and introduce myself and get comfortable asking questions.

I have been married for 20 years and have known that my wife is bi for longer than that. We've fantasized using that knowledge in our sex life but never actually looked for another partner(s). We met another couple almost two years ago and last August my wife told me that she was interested in the wife sexually. I readily acquiesced to her request to pursue a realtionship in the beginning but had a few months of fear, anger and resentment which my wife and I have mostly worked through (98.5% worked through to be precise). During the course of the last year it has turned into many different combinations of the two women together, the two women and each husband and also all four when we are able to schedule time together without children. We have a gentlepersons agreement that this is not a situation where either couple leaves with the opposite spouse and goes into another room for privacy (other than the two women of course); we do everything in the open. There has been lots of touching and "helping" to achieve orgasm but neither husband has actually had sex with the other wife. We had a breakthrough moment last week as we talked through our feelings about the next logical step via email as we all worked our days. We had an honest discussion in which we all acknowledged that we wanted to proceed. We all love one another and are still taking that next step slowly, even with the tacit approval of all adults.

I have looked at many of the posts here but am interested in hearing from any active forum users if they had similar experiences on their road to polyamory.
Thanks,
A
 
Greetings ALA,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you are just in the beginning stages of forming a polyamorous relationship. I say that because I gathered from your description that your connection to this other couple is just recently becoming an emotional/romantic one. If so, welcome to polyamory! I'll be happy to tackle any questions that you may have. Others will too, I'm sure.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Serious response: Sounds like you're having fun, and doing what works for all of you. That's cool! Congrats.

Silly response: There always seem to be these rules about dicks and the guys are weird about the other guys, and it's less threatening and/or more ok for the girls to be with other girls, but another dude...nah! I have a mental image of building little fences ("boundaries") around the penises, and it is giving me giggles I have to suppress while I sit at my desk at work.

I just wanted to share that thought.

For serious though I used to get mad at my ex because it was "not threatening" or "didn't count" (as cheating?) if I had sex or a relationship with another woman, but if it was another guy, oh my god someone has to die!! Rarr!! Either this says something about him thinking that women aren't really people like men are, or... I don't know, just places too much importance on a person's junk. People is people, dude.

Thought experiment...what if there were a pre-op transwoman, so a woman who still has a penis...would that person be "allowed" to have sex with the wife, if she and the wife both wanted to? Would that person "count" or "not count?" I am just curious. And encourage folks to "think outside the box."

(Was that a pun?) :D
 
Spork said:
Serious response: Sounds like you're having fun, and doing what works for all of you. That's cool! Congrats.
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Thanks, we're enjoying ourselves immensely.

Silly response: There always seem to be these rules about dicks and the guys are weird about the other guys, and it's less threatening and/or more ok for the girls to be with other girls, but another dude...nah! I have a mental image of building little fences ("boundaries") around the penises, and it is giving me giggles I have to suppress while I sit at my desk at work.
Click to expand...
We have no boundaries when it comes to that. It doesn't appeal to me but I have no problem with seeing another dick or seeing it utilized appropriately in his wife or mine. :eek: I think all four of us feel the same way and are titillated at the thought of it happening - I know MY wife is.

I just wanted to share that thought.
Click to expand...
I shared right back. ;)

For serious though I used to get mad at my ex because it was "not threatening" or "didn't count" (as cheating?) if I had sex or a relationship with another woman, but if it was another guy, oh my god someone has to die!! Rarr!! Either this says something about him thinking that women aren't really people like men are, or... I don't know, just places too much importance on a person's junk. People is people, dude.
Click to expand...
Agreed, if you can make each other happy and, in the process, have an orgasm or two who's to judge.

Thought experiment...what if there were a pre-op transwoman, so a woman who still has a penis...would that person be "allowed" to have sex with the wife, if she and the wife both wanted to? Would that person "count" or "not count?" I am just curious. And encourage folks to "think outside the box."
Click to expand...
Listen, I'm too busy working with what I've got to entertain this fanciful supposition. I'll cross this bridge if I ever come to it.

(Was that a pun?) :D
Click to expand...
Probs
 
The transperson thought might be a better one to ask someone who is more hardcore about the "no other dudes" stuff, it was just something I wondered.

The first bit is sincere, and meant to be specifically applied to YOU.

The other stuff was just me making ponderments out loud...because I've seen that "other women are ok but not other men" thing happen when many couples open, and it's raised my eyebrow so many times. I hope you understand I wasn't trying to make too many assumptions, and no judgments upon you personally or your group.

Groovy?
 
Spork said:
The transperson thought might be a better one to ask someone who is more hardcore about the "no other dudes" stuff, it was just something I wondered.

The first bit is sincere, and meant to be specifically applied to YOU.

The other stuff was just me making ponderments out loud...because I've seen that "other women are ok but not other men" thing happen when many couples open, and it's raised my eyebrow so many times. I hope you understand I wasn't trying to make too many assumptions, and no judgments upon you personally or your group.

Groovy?
Click to expand...

Thank you for your sincere sentiment.

I enjoy a good public pondering. Have no fear, I felt no judgement in your response and I appreciate your post. I love my wife and know she loves me and we have decided to travel this road together with another couple who is as supportive as we are. We are excited for the future but I'd like to know if anyone else here has traveled the same road.
 
ALA said:
Thank you for your sincere sentiment.

I enjoy a good public pondering. Have no fear, I felt no judgement in your response and I appreciate your post. I love my wife and know she loves me and we have decided to travel this road together with another couple who is as supportive as we are. We are excited for the future but I'd like to know if anyone else here has traveled the same road.
Click to expand...

Hi ALA, welcome.

I suggest starting a thread in the Poly Relationships section. This section is just for a general introduction. Go ahead and re-ask your question in the correct section, and maybe put some words like "developing a quad relationship" in the title.
 
Magdlyn said:
Hi ALA, welcome.

I suggest starting a thread in the Poly Relationships section. This section is just for a general introduction. Go ahead and re-ask your question in the correct section, and maybe put some words like "developing a quad relationship" in the title.
Click to expand...

Thanks. Will do.
 
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