Help please-- jealousy of husband's other gf

J

Jadams1006

New member
Hi all,

If anyone who has been living this lifestyle for awhile would be willing to offer advice and guidance. I am married to a wonderful man who has been in my life for 15 years, half of my life literally. We have two children together.

We have been in an ongoing relationship with my best friend of a decade. She is my soul tie. The love for her and her daughter, who have also been in my life a very long time, is strong.

Problem is, we struggle with jealousy over my husband, and any time affection is wanted from him, whether it be her or myself, in one shape, form or fashion, it upsets one of us. She gets upset seeing me seek attention from him. I get upset that she is all over him and gives me dirty looks when I reach out for it.

I don't know what to do. I love both of these people, but I shrink when I feel like my need for affection as well irritates/frustrates my other partner or even makes her angry. Help please….there are children involved and the love between us all is there. I just don’t have any idea how to navigate all of this.
 
Hello Jadams1006,
I don't know if this will help, but here are some links on jealousy.
It sounds like a lot of the problem lies with your best friend, she is often the one feeling jealous. I don't know if she would be willing to look at some of those links, maybe you and she could look at them together. It would also help if the three of you could sit down together, and talk about the problem. Maybe you have already done this?

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Is your relationship structure a triad, where you and your husband and your best friend are all 3 dating each other, i.e., you are sexually and romantically involved with your best friend?

Or does your husband have a relationship with you and with your best friend, but you and your friend aren't involved with each other? So, a V shape, not a triad?
 
Adding to Meera's question, do you live together?

Personally I think making some better agreements about time spent together all three, and maybe limiting that time, may help, but we don't know much about the situation yet.
 
Hi,

As a mod, I added more info to your thread title. Our guidelines request you make your topic clear, rather than just asking for help.

Guideline #2 Use a descriptive topic name when starting a new thread. "New to this" or "Help!!??!!" are not good choices.
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I also look forward to more information about your situation.

How long has your husband been dating your best friend?
Do you live with said friend?
Could you not limit PDAs when she is in your home, so neither of you has to see the other "all over" your shared partner?
Do you have a schedule for each of you to spend separate time with your shared partner, one-on-one dates, one-on-one sex?

If this is a new relationship, if all three of you are new to polyamory, how did this all come about?
Why did you consent to your husband and best friend starting a romantic/sexual relationship? Did you feel pressured or coerced?
How much research into successful ways to practice polyamory did all three of you do before just starting this new relationship structure?

We have a great list of polyamory resources in our Golden Nuggets section. There are articles, books and a podcast listed, as well as fictional movies that deal with ethical non-monogamy/polyamory. Many people find starting with the book Opening Up to be very helpful.

 
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