help w figuring this out

styx_

New member
alright, so, i myself am poly n so is this other person, who ill call R. i met R on a dating app months ago but at the time we both had been in closed relationships
we're good friends and they've had my back through things my family wasn't behind me for.
they tease me ab things mildly n im shy about things as well
ive had a major attraction to them, after the first while we knew eachother
recently, i got out of a relationship n they opened up theirs, so ive been mulling over finally trying to do smth about it
the other thing is ive noticed they do things that progressively break my shyness so to speak
rather, they do things i get shy at, and the things are increasingly...shy inducing? and i dont mind it in the slightest, but do i take as a sign that they're into me? and how should i go about starting that/talking to them ab how we wanna take things
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
All right, so, I myself am poly and so is this other person, who I'll call Rain. I met Rain on a dating app months ago, but at the time we were both in closed relationships.
We're good friends and they've had my back through things my family wasn't behind me for.
They tease me about things mildly, and I'm shy about things, as well.
I've felt a major attraction to them, since soon after we first met each other.
Recently, I've gotten out of a relationship and they opened up theirs, so I've been mulling over finally trying to do something about it.
The other thing is, I've noticed they do things that progressively break down my shyness, so to speak. Rather, they do things I get shy about, and the things are increasingly... shy inducing? I don't mind it in the slightest, but should I take this as a sign that they're into me? How should I go about starting that/talking to them about how we want to take things?


If you don't mind (mod hat on), would you please try to write normally, use punctuation more, and not use abbreviated text speech? We do have some international members who do not have English as a first language, and it would just be easier to read in general.

Also, we request people to use nicknames for their partners, not just initials, also for ease of understanding. Thanks! I am using Rain but you can pick another name, of course.

Welcome to polyamory.com!

It seems like you're asking how to de-friend-zone someone and start an intimate relationship. I'd just be upfront and ask them to schedule a time for something you'd like to talk about that's kind of important. Don't just spring it on them when they might be busy.

Then just be upfront and say that now that you're both free, you wanted to admit to them that you've got a crush on them, and were wondering if the feeling was at all mutual. Ask them if they would like to explore dating instead of just being friends, and see what they say. It's scary, I know.

Let them know you're fine either way, so they feel free to tell you the truth. If they want to stay as friends, then you decide if you can do that, or if your crush is so strong, it would be painful to be close without getting more into sexual behaviors.

You may not really be fine either way, but you can't put too much pressure on them and freak out if they want to just stay friends. As one of our members here says, dating means you need to be able to take bad news gracefully.

But good luck! Keep us updated! :)
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello styx_,

It sounds like R is into you, they are kind of poking at your shyness in an affectionate way. You need to start talking to them about how the two of you want to take things. Something like, "Hey R, I'm kind of into you, do you feel the same about me? Do you want to have a closed relationship, or an open relationship? and what about poly?" Of course you should ask them this when they have time to think, and when they don't have anything else on their mind.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
Right now you don't mind them poking at your shy places, but if it gets out of bounds speak up and state your limit. Friends respect each other's personal boundaries.

If you weren't dating before because both of you were in closed relationships?
And now you are single and they are in an open relationship?

Just ask them out. They are your friend. They will either tell you "No, thanks" nicely or "Yes" nicely.

You'll have a friend or you have a friend becoming something more. Win either way.

Galagirl
 
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