frogprincess21ca
New member
My life in the last two months has been crazy. much joy has been added, but much stress has also been added. a bit of background history, to make things a bit clear: eleven years ago i was in a relationship and engaged to a wonderful man, Bo. At that time i was 17 and he was 19. we were young and so in love. we lived together for just under a year. being with Bo was like the moon and the stars had collided with joy (sooooo sappy, i know).
during that year, we became pregnant and i lost the child. neither of us knew how to cope with this. communication stopped. almost a year to the day we started together, we split. i was torn into pieces. i actually spent about a month crying and didn't ever really move on. i locked that side of myself away. i thought that i would never encounter it again.
fast forward five years and i had moved to a different town to get an education. during my time there, i met a wonderful man that i grew to love, Cal. the love i felt for Cal was different. instead of a soul mate kind of love, it was a companionate love. Cal had never been with anyone else, so i felt that he should have the chance to experience more. i talked to him about this and we decided an open relationship, in our case, was a great thing, because it allowed him to grow. in the six years that we have been together, he has only explored outside of the relationship once, with my full permission. he is a good man. he has a good heart and a wonderful family.
about 2 years ago i met someone online and that made me consider having a poly relationship. even though this wasn't meant to be, in the long run, i did learn a lot and was able to open parts of myself that were sealed shut because of the pain Bo had inflicted. that relationship ended, but it did open a door and brought the idea of a poly relationship to Cal and me. just on a side note, i have a few friends that are in poly and open relationships, so the concept is something i have known about and haven't really had a strong issue with.
now fast forward to about 3 months ago. my ex fiance, Bo, from 11 years ago, decided to add me on facebook. we ended up talking and reconnecting. after about 2 weeks of talking every day, we decided to meet up. i picked a public location just so that if anything went wrong there was help about.
Cal came with me. things were wonderful. i brought up the past, and we thoroughly discussed it, and it seemed that Bo had really changed. Cal had no problems with him.
So, we really started hanging out, and the reality of having a poly relationship became clear. on a weird side note, my tarot cards hade been predicting a major change in my life, one that was desperately needed, that i wouldn't expect, but would be exactly what i needed. now, i am a logical person. normally i wouldn't put credence into things like tarot cards. but i have seen them accurately work before. it was how i actually met Cal.
Bo and Cal hit it off as friends. they are not attracted to each other. they don't mind sharing, but they don't want to share a bed.
Fast forward to a month after Bo and i got in touch again. he had a situation where he had no place to stay. Cal and i are not new to taking people in. we offered him a place to stay because we needed another roommate, due to finances. it was kinda funny. we had been looking for a roommate since july, and 3 possible renters had screwed off at the last moment. so it came to be where my soulmate came to live with my Cal and me. this was something we were planning to happen in January, but it happened in the first week of October.
A few things have happened.
Bo and I slid back into the relationship we had previously, with the exception of him and me being more mature. I didn't think this was a situation that would ever be possible again, after how broken I was the first time. Bo treats me wonderfully. Yes, I am well aware it is a new relationship, but it is also an old relationship with a new spin. With Bo it was like things never ended. he is truly into me. he treats me so nicely, i wonder what i did to get such niceness. he has truly grown as a person, but so have i, and this has added the missing depth that wasn't there 11 years ago.
Cal and i are great with the situation. but this last month, with all the changes, things have been shaken up in our relationship. we have almost broken up 5 times, after having a stable relationship over the last 6 years. the problems that we have been having are not due to him being upset over Bo being back with me, but have to do with his mental and physical health issues.
Bo won't let me break up with Cal. he helps us communicate. he has helped the relationship. it seems now apparent that the problems that my Cal are having will be partially solved with new medication. he has ADD of the inattentive variety, which has caused him to steal, forget, be nasty and a whole bunch of other things when it kicked up this last month.
now everything is kinda settling down. i knew it would. everyone else is happy. i am happy.
but i am confused. i was raised with the ideal that i would have one man and be happy and have children with him. being in a poly relationship was not something i planned for. yes, it is good, but i still hurt with all of it. yes, i have talked to my men about it. both are great. but i still have worries about hurting one of them.
i love them both differently (which is weird, in itself).
currently i am having issues with adjusting to being with them physically. i was raised mono, but now have a beautiful poly relationship that i know i want. i am just having problems internally adjusting. my head is still kinda spinning from all the changes. i am not good with changes. but boy, is this what i needed. it is just stressful to adjust to.
any ideas on how to do this?
tanya
during that year, we became pregnant and i lost the child. neither of us knew how to cope with this. communication stopped. almost a year to the day we started together, we split. i was torn into pieces. i actually spent about a month crying and didn't ever really move on. i locked that side of myself away. i thought that i would never encounter it again.
fast forward five years and i had moved to a different town to get an education. during my time there, i met a wonderful man that i grew to love, Cal. the love i felt for Cal was different. instead of a soul mate kind of love, it was a companionate love. Cal had never been with anyone else, so i felt that he should have the chance to experience more. i talked to him about this and we decided an open relationship, in our case, was a great thing, because it allowed him to grow. in the six years that we have been together, he has only explored outside of the relationship once, with my full permission. he is a good man. he has a good heart and a wonderful family.
about 2 years ago i met someone online and that made me consider having a poly relationship. even though this wasn't meant to be, in the long run, i did learn a lot and was able to open parts of myself that were sealed shut because of the pain Bo had inflicted. that relationship ended, but it did open a door and brought the idea of a poly relationship to Cal and me. just on a side note, i have a few friends that are in poly and open relationships, so the concept is something i have known about and haven't really had a strong issue with.
now fast forward to about 3 months ago. my ex fiance, Bo, from 11 years ago, decided to add me on facebook. we ended up talking and reconnecting. after about 2 weeks of talking every day, we decided to meet up. i picked a public location just so that if anything went wrong there was help about.
Cal came with me. things were wonderful. i brought up the past, and we thoroughly discussed it, and it seemed that Bo had really changed. Cal had no problems with him.
So, we really started hanging out, and the reality of having a poly relationship became clear. on a weird side note, my tarot cards hade been predicting a major change in my life, one that was desperately needed, that i wouldn't expect, but would be exactly what i needed. now, i am a logical person. normally i wouldn't put credence into things like tarot cards. but i have seen them accurately work before. it was how i actually met Cal.
Bo and Cal hit it off as friends. they are not attracted to each other. they don't mind sharing, but they don't want to share a bed.
Fast forward to a month after Bo and i got in touch again. he had a situation where he had no place to stay. Cal and i are not new to taking people in. we offered him a place to stay because we needed another roommate, due to finances. it was kinda funny. we had been looking for a roommate since july, and 3 possible renters had screwed off at the last moment. so it came to be where my soulmate came to live with my Cal and me. this was something we were planning to happen in January, but it happened in the first week of October.
A few things have happened.
Bo and I slid back into the relationship we had previously, with the exception of him and me being more mature. I didn't think this was a situation that would ever be possible again, after how broken I was the first time. Bo treats me wonderfully. Yes, I am well aware it is a new relationship, but it is also an old relationship with a new spin. With Bo it was like things never ended. he is truly into me. he treats me so nicely, i wonder what i did to get such niceness. he has truly grown as a person, but so have i, and this has added the missing depth that wasn't there 11 years ago.
Cal and i are great with the situation. but this last month, with all the changes, things have been shaken up in our relationship. we have almost broken up 5 times, after having a stable relationship over the last 6 years. the problems that we have been having are not due to him being upset over Bo being back with me, but have to do with his mental and physical health issues.
Bo won't let me break up with Cal. he helps us communicate. he has helped the relationship. it seems now apparent that the problems that my Cal are having will be partially solved with new medication. he has ADD of the inattentive variety, which has caused him to steal, forget, be nasty and a whole bunch of other things when it kicked up this last month.
now everything is kinda settling down. i knew it would. everyone else is happy. i am happy.
but i am confused. i was raised with the ideal that i would have one man and be happy and have children with him. being in a poly relationship was not something i planned for. yes, it is good, but i still hurt with all of it. yes, i have talked to my men about it. both are great. but i still have worries about hurting one of them.
i love them both differently (which is weird, in itself).
currently i am having issues with adjusting to being with them physically. i was raised mono, but now have a beautiful poly relationship that i know i want. i am just having problems internally adjusting. my head is still kinda spinning from all the changes. i am not good with changes. but boy, is this what i needed. it is just stressful to adjust to.
any ideas on how to do this?
tanya
