Hi from the west coast!

Larkspur

New member
Hi! I'm Larkspur. I'm new to the forum, but I've been poly for about 3 years. I'm a 30-something lesbian with a live-in partner Lilac (1.5 years together) and a long-distance partner Amaryllis (3 years together). Thanks to COVID, I haven't seen Amaryllis in over a year. I've also had far fewer opportunities to interact with other queer and poly folks in my area, so I figured it was a good time to join this community and make new friends. I'm looking forward to getting to know you! Any tips you have about nurturing long-distance relationships during COVID would be fantastic. I also don't want my sadness about being unable to visit Amaryllis to cause Lilac to feel inadequate, so hearing from people whose partners are in long-distance relationships would also be helpful. I really am happy living with Lilac, but I would also like to be able to see my other partner. If only we all lived closer together!
 

Evie

Well-known member
Hi and welcome.

I'm in New Zealand and I have a partner in the US. I had tickets for last Easter but that got cancelled and I haven't been able to rebook yet.
We video call daily for a "touch base" call as well as a regular longer call once a week for more... intimacy. And although it hasn't been a whole lot, the power of emails is wonderful. A long piece of writing around a single topic can really give insight into the other person and spark long, in depth replies.
All the best, and I hope you can travel again this year!
 

Larkspur

New member
Thanks, Evie! Being halfway around the world from each other must be hard. I hope that you can see you US-based partner later this year as well. I completely agree with you about the value of video calls and emails. I keep thinking about how much harder this would be if we had to depend solely on letters without the benefit of real-time communication.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Greetings Larkspur,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

From what I've experienced and observed, long-distance relationships tend to be really, really difficult. And that's when there is no pandemic! I sympathize about your situation. The only thing I can think to advise is to increase the amount of communicating you do with Amaryllis. Also, is there any chance that Amaryllis would move to come live with/closer to you? I know, that's probably a long shot.

Keep posting, and you will make many friends here.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

Larkspur

New member
Greetings Larkspur,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

From what I've experienced and observed, long-distance relationships tend to be really, really difficult. And that's when there is no pandemic! I sympathize about your situation. The only thing I can think to advise is to increase the amount of communicating you do with Amaryllis. Also, is there any chance that Amaryllis would move to come live with/closer to you? I know, that's probably a long shot.

Keep posting, and you will make many friends here.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Thanks, Kevin. I'll follow your advice about communication. Unfortunately, Amaryllis is unlikely to move because she and her wife both like their current jobs and neighborhood, but I have faith that we'll eventually be able to travel to see each other again. :)
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Hopefully the pandemic will be over soon. They're starting to distribute vaccines; that is a hopeful sign.
 

AwesomeApril666

New member
Welcome! I'm also from the west coast and I feel like there is such a big poly community here and yet I still feel so isolated at times and lack other poly people in my life to talk with. The pandemic certainly isn't helping with being poly, that's for sure.
 

Alluvion

Member
Welcome! I'm queer and poly, too. I hope you find a lot of good advice about long distance dating here. This pandemic has put me on a long break from pursuing any new partners.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
Hi! I'm Larkspur. I'm new to the forum, but I've been poly for about 3 years. I'm a 30-something lesbian with a live-in partner Lilac (1.5 years together) and a long-distance partner Amaryllis (3 years together). Thanks to COVID, I haven't seen Amaryllis in over a year. I've also had far fewer opportunities to interact with other queer and poly folks in my area, so I figured it was a good time to join this community and make new friends. I'm looking forward to getting to know you! Any tips you have about nurturing long-distance relationships during COVID would be fantastic. I also don't want my sadness about being unable to visit Amaryllis to cause Lilac to feel inadequate, so hearing from people whose partners are in long-distance relationships would also be helpful. I really am happy living with Lilac, but I would also like to be able to see my other partner. If only we all lived closer together!
I'm queer, ie., non-binary, pansexual and polyamorous/polysexual. I'm on the east coast of the US, but I thought I'd say hi.

I dislike "long-distance" relationships, but 2 of my partners/bfs/playpartners/whatever, while not that far away (less than 35 miles) are out of the picture for in-person meetings because of not being on my quaranteam, since they work outside the home, or have a wife who does, or have kid(s) who go to daycare or school. And I'm 65, so I have to be hyper-careful!

So, I feel that.

As for not "wanting your sadness to cause Lilac to feel inadequate" goes, if she's poly-friendly, why should she feel "inadequate"? Doesn't she understand that your love for Amaryllis does not lessen your love for her? Or are you so mopey that you can't even enjoy her right now? I'd say you should vent more about your unhappiness or frustration to others, and don't dump it all on Lilac. Try to give her your best most of the time. Appreciate that you at least have her. We have to all be as positive as we can. It's like being in a war! At least our main partners aren't off in actual battle being shot at. But it's kind of similar!

I don't go on and on about missing my guys to my nesting partner, Pixi, but she's well aware of my frustration. She is so lucky! Her bf lives alone, in the next town from here, a 12 minute drive away. He also works from home and only goes in public to get groceries once a week. She spends half the week at his place, so she gets that variety. She also got to see his parents and other family, outdoors, over the summer, one time. And then got to see his parents 2 weeks after new years, for a holiday visit, after they'd socially isolated themselves, to be sure they were healthy, after they spent Xmas Day with the brother and his family, and an aunt and uncle. They live a 2 hour drive away.

She and I did spend a few days over Thanksgiving and Xmas with my son, who also works from home and gets his groceries delivered, and is only a 40 minute drive away. But those family visits, while fun, are not the yummy sexy cuddly ones I used to get, and miss very much, with my male partners.

So, if I want to vent now and then to Pixi, I damn well do! She can comfort me and show some sympathy, since she is so relatively lucky!
 
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