Hi: My intro: Monogamous Partner (me) Exploring Life with a Poly Wife

KWJMono

New member
Hi everyone,

My name is Kiara (using an alias), and I’m a monogamous partner navigating life with my polyamorous wife, Ali (also an alias). We’ve been together for 16 years and, until a few years ago, were incredibly happy. I still love her deeply, but the past three years have been a challenging journey as I’ve tried to understand and adapt to polyamory.

I grew up as a military kid, which made me independent and adaptable, but I also tend to leave situations that feel unbalanced or emotionally draining. Despite these challenges, I’m committed to my marriage and want to learn how to navigate these dynamics without losing myself in the process.

I’ve read Polysecure and recognize my own attachment struggles, but I often feel overwhelmed by anger, confusion, and the difficulty of reconciling my monogamous mindset with her poly needs. I’m hoping this community can help me figure out how to move forward in a way that works for both of us.

Thank you for letting me share and learn from your experiences.
 
...but I also tend to leave situations that feel unbalanced or emotionally draining.
You say this like it's a bad thing?

But regardless, I understand you don't want to leave Ali, and this isn't brand new so you're already through the noob shocks, but still, it's hard doing mono-poly.

Would you say you're still pretty independent? You have hobbies or friendships that are separate from your wife? My parents weren't poly but I grew up watching dad go out to his amateur theatre, and mum always seemed to be involved in so very many different things. Basically, I trust you aren't housebound while Ali is out however many nights a week.

Do you have a regular schedule? Are things predictable enough for you?

You haven't really said what the problem is other than attachment issues, which you're learning about and working on, and you have a great resource there in polysecure. So, how else can we help?

Ahh, I see you posted in the advice thread. Perfect.
 
Greetings Kiara,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I looked at your other thread, and responded there briefly. I didn't say a lot, I just wanted you to know that I support your position, and sympathize with your situation. I hope you are finding Polyamory.com somewhat helpful, I know it can be tough when you're in a mono/poly situation.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
 
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