Hi! Sort of new to poly… my husband and I had a gf who turned asexual due to mental health.. we loved it while it lasted. It was full blown romance between 3 of us. I am very bi.. and love women…my partner straight.. and wants another woman to be part of us… he decided that we should become poly and date others but together.. not to make things complicated..so far not much of the luck.. cause it’s hard to find a woman who would want us both.. it would be nice… however I wonder if it is too much of exception? How do you find your date when your are poly? We are both in our thirties.. and in general other ppl find us quite attractive…
How do you find your date?
- Thread starter Ozheny
- Start date
Travis
New member
Finding the right person for your connection is always going to be difficult situation. Everyone will have some form of desire that connects them in a relationship. That's why we are here
You two were lucky to have found one woman to be the gf of you both. Contrary to many people's belief, a single bi woman does not date "a couple." She is dating 2 individuals, who each have different needs. She has to be very clever and patient to deal with an established couple (whether they are "attractive" 30 somethings, or ordinary 50 somethings, or whatever).
These kind of women are so rare, we call them unicorns, mythical beings. Rather than you and your husband dating one women being "less complicated," it is actually more complicated. For example, what if you do find another woman, but she ends up only loving one of you, and just kinda liking the other, or actually comes to dislike the other? If she's more into your husband, say, but not into you, do you veto their relationship and cause them both heartache or heartbreak?
What if she is poly and has another relationship?
When you had your last gf, were you "out" as poly to all your friends and family? Or was she introduced as "our friend"?
It's going to probably be hard to meet this woman. You struck gold once, apparently, but who knows if or when that will happen again?
You could read the book Opening Up to get more info about polyamory in general. It covers just about every situation you could come up against, including the idea of "finding a gf to share." This book is not just for couples, btw, but for those who are single polys too.
Meanwhile, consider reading this article:
So, someone called you a Unicorn Hunter?
This article is a long, technical discussion of what being a "Unicorn Hunter" means, what's wrong with it, and how people in such a situation can try to avoid the negative stereotypes associated with such behavior and get the things that they are ultimately looking for. It is written in a…
davidlnoble.livejournal.com
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Greetings Ozheny,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Here are some tips/resources for finding your date when you are poly:
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Here are some tips/resources for finding your date when you are poly:
- https://fetlife.com/
- https://bare.dating/
- https://polyfinda.com/
- https://en.lovoo.com/#/
- https://www.okcupid.com/
- https://www.kasidie.com/
- http://www.facebook.com/
- http://www.beyondtwo.com/
- https://www.lavalife.com/
- https://www.openminded.com/
- http://adultfriendfinder.com/
- http://www.polymatchmaker.com/
- http://www.polyamory.org/SF/groups.html
- https://www.meetup.com/topics/polyamory/
- http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
Notes:
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.
Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.
If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.
Welcome aboard!