How do you navigate quiet moments in the relationship?

Photonsun

New member
I am in a long term relationship with my partner (M) and we have kids. I am also in a relationship (over 8 months) with someone (F) who has a similar family setting.
With our kids being so young, we sometimes need to spend more time / focus more on them, until we can resume our usual texting. We mainly text, I sometimes send voice or video messages, we don't have the opportunity to call at the moment but that will change soon.

Anyway, that was for a little bit of context. At the moment she needs to focus more on family, so less time for us for the next two weeks. We text daily but far less than usual. We have dates planned and the next one will be in a month.

My "problem" is that she is quite a lot on my mind at the moment ;) I have many options to keep myself busy but do you have any advice to share on how to "lean in" the feeling, not being too much distracted and possibly keep the interaction romantic without being too much. If you have a similar experience, any sharing of it would be lovely too :)
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
It sounds like you're two very busy people, both with kids and nesting partners, trying to do a long-distance relationship with very little time to even text, much less meet on a regular basis. Long distance relationships are almost always hard. If they can't text, but you're thinking about them, maybe you could do a somewhat longer email when you've got specific things you want to share. Then your LDR partner wouldn't feel pressured to respond right away, but could do so at their leisure when they have a few minutes to themselves.

It can be difficult to keep the romantic vibe going. Personally, I gave up on LDRs early on in my poly journey. I also find it difficult to date people with young kids. So it's not surprising you're struggling.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
I second the email thing. I'm in a LDR too. We planned to meet at Easter 2020 but Covid. We get to have this New Years together, finally, all going to plan and no more cancellations. How have we survived? At times, not well. But email is important. As are frequent calls just to say hi. Even 5 mins sometimes.

But young kids throws in a whole other can of worms. And if your texting daily has tapered off somewhat, there could be a very good reason for it (like being out of spoons). Keep encouraged by having the dates planned.

As for leaning in to her being on your mind...well, go have some personal time while thinking about her (yes, this is a gentle euphemism).
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi Photonsun,

Keeping a romantic relationship (especially a polyamorous one) going, is hard to do when you (both) also have young children to take care of. My advice to you is to send your (F) friend an email now and then when you get the chance. Just let her know you are thinking about her, and tell her a little about your day. Tell her you are looking forward to your date with her in about a month.

You are missing her, and I'm sure she is missing you too. You both have healthy marriages and that helps, but it does not replace the time that you and she spend together. Just stay in touch with her as much as you can, and keep planning dates together.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 

Photonsun

New member
Hi Magdlyn, Evie and Kevin

Thank you for your answers, I found them helpful and fed my reflection. The email is a good advice, in fact, we both love old fashioned mails, so that's what I've sent :)
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Excellent. You are making do as best you can with the situation. A good old fashioned snail mail is a nice thing to get.
 
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