How Should I Deal with a Manipulator?

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Anyways it's made things tough - I think there is probably very little chance of S and I getting back together now but I don't care in all honesty because I think it would take a lot for her not to be that needy, demanding, over reacting drama queen. Besides I'm the happiest I've ever been right now!
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This part is great -- glad you have moved on and find a more peaceful, happier life. :)

So as it happens I'm also moving away from London for work. since I'm removing myself from London I figured there is no harm in offering relevant parties access to the truth, it's not going to bite me in the arse in the same way it could if I were still here - it's their choice whether to read it or not/whether to believe it or not/whether to act on it or not.
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I wonder about this part. So your only motivation to share NOW at this date is because it won't bite you in the ass any more? I'd leave it be -- because it doesn't bite you in the ass any more to just NOT say anything either. The timely window for that data seems to have passed.

I also have a feeling it will unravel on its own. :(

Leave the drama behind, dude. Focus on your new work life, your new relationship, your new happiness. Rather than your old yuck.

Galagirl
 
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LondonGuy said:
Group dynamics... (we're all Poly & Kinky)
D/E date N in a triad E/N, D/N are still together. D also dates T (of which J is the latest).
I (used to date S. S also dates M, last year N approached me (told me that D starting to impose a DADT policy on N which was , but E was convincing him to allow N to...
Then in February E/N broke it off but decided D/N would continue dating. E/N agreed to be civil
N revealed to me that part of the reason for the tensions was something which D had said to her around Christmas. He said "I love you... wow, that's the first time I've said that and meant it in over 7 years".
Now that's awkward because D/E have been together for 5 years, D/T have been together for as long as I've known them so at least 2. D/N had been together exactly a year at this point.
was dealing with S's jealousy issues. I confided in N because I felt great for having made the decision to find out for myself. N had confided in me loads so why not!!
2 Months later N tells S. S and I split up, I'm fuming with N and considering telling E how N has been manipulating D. S and N become best friends.
Anyway in this time S gets close to J
S and I slowly start talking again
S confides in me about J. She tells me that she's falling for him and she tells him this too. He says that he really likes N and only ever wants what he has with S to be play. S turns to me very upset. N promises to never betray S (as I say they're now BFFs).
are in fact together behind S's back (and behind D's back).
N is a hypocrite, a liar and a manipulator. I do want revenge but know I can't 'win'.
This last week I found out T also has a very poor opinion of N. T thinks she's a "nasty manipulative little bitch". But if I do tell T then will N tell S that I have spread stuff purely for revenge? Will this bite me in the arse and remove all the progress S and I have made?
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How many letters of the Alphabet have not been used?
Could anyone follow the story?

My advice: don't carry a grudge. It weighs a lot and it doesn't have a handle.

I have never been a manipulative bitch
I have been a manipulative son of a bitch.

I think you should all get together in a very large circle and play Chinese whispers.
Each of you should then write down what they think everyone said.
Then randomly change the seating order and do another round and write that down.
I think at the end of five or six rounds, we are ready to go to the next level.
Then all of you should come up here and tells us what you think is going on and what said what about whom, but use some names (totally false names or totally groovy aliases might be cool) the alphabet thing gave me a headache.

It sure did sound like a high school draaamer to me.
 
Upping the stakes

Loving Radiance said on here which stuck with me - "Always aim to see the best in your partner".

I'll add: see the best in yourself and others.

I have so many faults that I am an expert in seeing my faults in others.
When I beat the shit out of myself for my faults, it never makes me feel better, and never improves me as a person.
With my vast resources of deception, manipulation, cunning deviousness, stunning brilliance, enormous intellect and years of debate, I could likely bring you to the edge of suicide in under an hour.

So what?

I pay the Pope to have an army of child molesting priests to do that for me.

I would rather deceive you into thinking I am a great guy and you are a wonderful human being.

Otherwise, you are going to be crying in my beer. And I hate salty, watered down beer. I am totally selfish.

I have never successfully changed one of the stupid fuckedup people who foolishly fell in love with me.
I have discovered I can change both my behavior and my attitude.

So when I meet someone I notice all the stuff I like about them.
The shit I don't like, I ignore it.
I've got enough shit for ten lifetimes.
It is not going to make the mood better
Not going to make you feel good
Again just me being selfish

Notice you used to love N
You used to love she confided in you and you in her
That felt good
So you took a giant crap on the middle of the nice clean tablecloth on the dining room table and folks are bring dishes out from the kitchen and others are coming in to eat.
Boy you sure got them?

I have fucked over probably more people than you have met in your life.
I forgive myself.

If someone calls me an asshole, I remind them I am a certified asshole.

When I see someone having a tough time, I feel empathy, because usually I've done that to myself in multiples that border on the potential connections in the human brain.

South African proverb: the man who shits in the road, will meet flies on his return.

Try thanking N for helping you out in your relationship with S.
Thanks S for being N's friend
Forgive yourself for being a dickhead.
It's the only way I know of getting out.

When my wife died, her spirit jumped into my body
Now I am stuck with her until I can figure out a way to kill myself without upsetting my daughters.
That is a conundrum

Pretty much we all want tummies
Scratching hissing kitties don't seem to get them as much as the sweet lovable ones that come over and lie on their backs.
 
Hi, S here.

I was going to refrain from responding to any of this because I am doing my very best to sort things out on my end and getting involved in this is utterly unhelpful.

However, I would just like to implore people to realise that what LondonGuy has done continuously throughout out this thread is talk about other peoples lives and relationships that ultimately he is not involved in. Myself and M, N and D etc etc. Yes, he has heard certain snippets but he has not lived it and is very often missing the full picture.

I would like to point out as well that confidentiality becomes thoroughly voided as LG has his FL username in his signature. Of course even moreso when he sends a link to this to E over FL. I will be flagging this thread with an admin but respect there is probably little that can be done about it.

All this has spun off from mine and his split and I find it really upsetting the amount of fallout that has affected others I care about and really shouldn't be affecting people 5 months on. All I ask is that I, and those I care about, are able to get on with their lives.

In conclusion, I only ask people to respect the confidentiality of those mentioned here and understand how much of this information was second hand when LG received it.
 
Oh and for clarity, I have no issue with most of the users of this forum. My dislike of LondonGuy using it for advice in our relationship was that I felt his posts were often extremely skewed and left out a lot that explains my side of the story.
As such it was upsetting to hear advice, based on misinformation and often saying quite horrid and untrue things about me, preached as gospel.

I just thought I should mention this as an earlier comment seemed to suggest I have a grudge against the users of this site.. which I don't!
 
Unofficial welcome S

MissBehaviour said:
However, I would just like to implore people to realise that what LondonGuy has done continuously throughout out this thread is talk about other peoples lives and relationships that ultimately he is not involved in.
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I think most of got that. It was why I recommended the Chinese whispers by the entire group, maybe add someone else has to take YOUR notes out of a grab bag and give their skewed version of your story.

Can't have a good Ophra (do so hope you Limey gits from across the pond have heard of her) without a bunch of silly half truths, interrupted by commercials from Big Pharma for their latest tranquilizer.
 
Moi grudge statement ?

MissBehaviour said:
to suggest I have a grudge against the users of this site.. which I don't!
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I was directing my "don't carry a grudge, it weighs a lot and doesn't have a handle" towards LG.

He seems to have a rather large set of luggage, but it does seem to me at least to be badly matched.
 
Ok S,

Since you think there's no benefit to hiding identities and since others find it harder to read then let me make it public and let me make it quite clear; this is not about our break up, this is about N being a nasty manipulative liar. She is a hypocrite and a bitch. She created this mess and she broke us up.

You then played right into her hand by making a long public post on Fetlife and by pushing this all on to our friends. You did that. You over reacted. You created more drama.

I get why you were hurt and lashing out and as you were vulnerable you turned to N. She's been lovely to you but ask yourself why, because if all this has taught you anything then it should be that she doesn't act unless she's getting what she wants out of it.

Since N and I fell out I offered to avoid the geek munch as I didn't want to be in the same room as her. Have I been banned from any other London events? No!! In fact most mutual friends told me that I was completely in the right, people told me that the fact Ns relationships were usually very short is indicative of something, they told me that T hates N and finds her manipulative, when E and N split up there was clearly tension there and I think if it weren't for D then E wouldn't have trusted her either...

As for you people were telling me that you were clearly a drama queen, attention seeking, needy and more trouble than your worth. I always defended you as when times are good you are wonderful, but times aren't always good and you're so quick to react that problems are frequent.

So what has N done since? Well she's pushed E to make my absence at the geek munch permanent and she's got very close to you. So I come back to why? Well I think it's that she knows she can influence you and she thinks it hurts me.

I want E and T (and any other friends) to be allowed to read this if they want to, it's their choice to believe it and it's their choice to act on it. Hopefully it will make others think twice about trusting N in the future, hopefully people will give less credibility to anything she says...

Incidentally I don't blame D for this. He is not faultless, but he has been manipulated.

Oh and just as a final added on thought. S, we have all handled this badly but understand N has caused this. You defend her and distance yourself from me so how did you expect things to go when we tried again 2 months ago? Especially when you pressurised the situation and DEMANDED to be on a 100% equal footing with Megan from that day. That sort of thing would take time to discuss... I was open to discussion but when you made demands and caused drama I pushed you away.

I have only ever shown you love though and I do recognise that in good times you are wonderful.

I guarantee that N will cause more dramas and if you continue to hang around her then they will involve you. When the two of you fall out and you're desperately looking for someone to console you then please look towards yourself. When you are settled again and have cut this horrible cycle of dramas out of your life then do feel free to contact me.
 
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And that is what a turd on the dining room table looks like

LondonGuy said:
Ok Stacey,

understand Ness has caused this.

I have only ever shown you unconditional love though and I do recognise that in good times you are wonderful.
.
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First, I had no idea Nessie had moved from Scotland and has been hanging out in London And is Poly (or going under the alias of Polly, but totally outed here!)

It is great the know there are still all powerful beings like Nessie around, though I would have felt much more secure if that sentence read "caused All if this".

If this is unconditional love, I would hate to know what LonGu is like when the love is conditional.
I am guess Sta that in the not so good times (wish I could know which hours of the day, or which days of the week, or are your not so good times monthly, quarterly? Clearly we need more info) you might not be wonderful, but still shown this stellar example of unconditional love. What a lucky girl you are.

With friends like this, who needs enemas?

Is LonGu moving to Scotland? Maybe near Loch Ness? Maybe in Loch Ness? I've heard it gets cold in Scotland in the winter, but with a warmhearted guy like LonGu, I'll bet the beaches will be open all winter.

Sta, while Inja does not seem to like people from the Motherland, I do believe they would allow you entry. I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.

LonGu's Charm School bringing Improvized Explosive Devices to a neighborhood near you.
Well done
It is so nice to see what a lovely centerpiece does to a drab dinning room table.
 
Issue

MissBehaviour said:
Oh and for clarity, I have no issue with most of the users of this forum.
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Issue? I didn't even know we had been formally introduced! Is this divine intervention? Is this sort of like when Mary to Joe about a heavenly angel knocking here up (please see American slang for translation I would hate not to be current,I believe it use to be called up the chimney or something like that)

Are we expecting?!?
 
Good evening,

'N' here. LondonGuy, unless you take down the post naming me and my friends, I will be contacting the police. This harrassment of me, S and my friends has gone on long enough and I am serious when I say that I will not put up with it any longer.
 
nycindie said:
Let's all try to keep this thread a helpful discussion for the OP and not a back-and-forth argument between jilted lovers or friends, which does no one any good and is against the Guidelines here.
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This is all I want. :)
All we're asking for is our privacy to be respected. The OP is perfectly entitled to express his opinions but not in a way that violates the privacy of those he is discussing.
 
You want to talk to me about harassment? Interesting topic...

Surely you would consider it an abuse of power to manipulate a situation by deliberately exposing the SHOCKING truth that 2 people had gone for a drink without telling someone? Isn't it terrible that those 2 people were trying to figure out if there was something there and it was worth having a discussion with people about?

Surely you would consider that frankly to be a huge hypocritical leap considering you were by your own admission (and this is a quote directly from you) "shagging anything that moves" behind your partners back? Yes you had a DADT policy in place eventually but your behaviour predates that by some way.

Surely by your own standards above you would consider it harassment when someone makes a public post containing serious allegations on Fetlife amongst friends? Yes that has been taken down and I appreciate that, really I do!! but the things in that note were untrue and in social circles that sort of thing sticks.

Surely you would consider that posting on a forum well removed from that particular social network and asking for advice on how I should deal with your behaviour is far more appropriate?

Now I reached the conclusion that many of this forums members were right and that it would be better to walk away from it all. There were several reasons for this... 1) I wanted it to all just blow over so that life in London could return to normal 2) I hoped that one day S and I might have half a hope at rebuilding stuff, provided she stopped over reacting and turning everything into drama 3) I wanted to start going back to the geek munch 4) I didn't want to hurt S and I am aware she feels like she is being placed in the middle of this

Now consider how each of those points has become completely removed... I've moved away from London, S contacted me at the weekend to say that she doesn't see a future where she'll ever be able to be friends yet she's quoting you on a daily basis all over her Facebook feed, you manipulated E into banning me from the Geek even after I let everything blow over (yes I hated you, but it was a cold hatred where neither of us would have even acknowledged the other... as opposed to a risk of an argument) and finally I have tried to keep this about us and not about S. It's not about her, this is about you. You caused this mess.

So now that we've broken down those reasons for not telling E/T lets consider if there's any reasons FOR telling them? Well you could argue they have a right to know, you could argue by your own standards that there are good reasons to be telling them both given that you told Stacey things that were confided in you, and finally you could argue that it would be justice for you to be on the receiving end and having your life ruined over things you confided.

You still want to call this harassment? I shall leave this here and let you think on it.
 
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Please can a moderator deal with this. As posted above by NYCIndie "... not a back-and-forth argument between jilted lovers or friends, which does no one any good and is against the Guidelines here."

The continued use of our first names without our consent must stop or we will have no choice but to contact the police.

The amount of undue emotional harm being caused by all of this is completely unfair to all parties involved and it needs to stop.
 
LondonGuy said:
You want to talk to me about harassment? Interesting topic...

Surely you would consider it an abuse of power to manipulate a situation by
Now I reached the conclusion that many of this forums members were right and that it would be better to walk away from it all. There were several reasons for this... 1) I wanted it to all just blow over so that life in London could return to normal 2) I hoped that one day Stacey and I might have half a hope at rebuilding stuff, provided she stopped over reacting and turning everything into drama 3) I wanted to start going back to the geek munch 4) I didn't want to hurt Stacey and I am aware she feels like she is being placed in the middle of this

tacey contacted me at the weekend to say that she doesn't see a future where she'll ever be able to be friends yet she's quoting you on a daily basis all over her Facebook feed, you manipulated Elle into banning me from the Geek even after I let everything blow over (yes I hated you, but it was a cold hatred where neither of us would have even acknowledged the other... as opposed to a risk of an argument)
finally you could argue that it would be justice for you to be on the receiving end and having your life ruined over things you confided.

You still want to call this harassment? I shall leave this here and let you think on it.
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So Nessie, welcome to the show. You know that saying about love and hate being opposite side of the same coin.
Well, where LonGu unconditionally loves Stacey, I think you are getting to see this unconditional hatred, though he did qualify it was cold, so maybe you're just not quite good enough? Bad enough, wonderful was what he used with Sta so...mi can't take the time to go look up the antonym for wonderful but let me take a stab with Terrible. I think if you could go watch 101 Dalmatians and pay close attention to Cruella D'Ville, you might be able to Earn LonGu's unconditional hatred. But as all the people say here, it may take some time. And likely you have not done enough in the trust destroying department.

Does anyone know if LonGu is old enough to be posting here? I am getting such an eight year old read off this. I am expecting to hear how Sta got cooties from Ness (related to Elliot? I mean I'm in Inja, Untouchables are sort of poo pooed these days, but plucking a pretty powerful string in the whole Looking for unconditional hatred thing.
 
I removed the names from my posts, I can't do more than that.

I am very sorry that S has been caught in the crossfire of all this. It was never about her, it was about the shit that N has caused and the fact that she continues to try to manipulate people while thinking that it has no consequences.

The intent of telling E was never to hurt S or anyone... it was merely to make sure that E had the truth available to her if she wanted to act on it and to punish N and prove to her that these things DO have consequences. People get hurt. When you play around with their lives and emotions to this extent then they get very hurt. Hurt people enough and one day it will come back to bite you.

Basically the morals of all this - for you - stop manipulating people. For others - stop trusting her until she can prove she's worth it again.

Once again I'm sorry S got caught in the crossfire, that was never my intention. In telling E I've achieved everything I wanted to here.
 
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Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can do if a member uses someone else's real names in a post. Privacy cannot be protected on the internet - everyone should realize that. This is a public forum, where there is no guarantee of anonymity. Therefore, as with all public spaces, it is the responsibility of each person who chooses to post here to take precautions to protect themselves. In this case, that would mean it is up to each poster to:

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Moderators can intervene and edit posts for someone after the fact, but that is decided only by the Moderator team on a case-by-case basis. No one should expect that such a request will automatically be granted. Thank you for understanding. Due to the heated argument that has erupted here, this thread is now locked. Play nice or don't post.
 
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