How should I react now?

Leaping lizard

New member
Me and my partner are in a ethical non monogamous partnership. Right now I’m not seeing anyone but them. They have a consistent partner they have been seeing for a while. The last time I was at their place I left a bottle of lube FOR US to use. Now I understand that the discussion on whether or not they could us it on their other partner wasn’t had but I felt like it didn’t need to be had that’s a no brainer. So they used it with their other partner and I feel completely violated and like they don’t respect me.

What should I do? Am I overreacting? How should I handle the next steps?
 
It's not a no-brainer to not use the lube, it's lube, it's a consumable, and most importantly you didn't have the conversation; you expected them to mind-reader you. You have learned that lesson. For everyone's sake, let it go and then communicate better next time.
 
I'm not sure why your partner is telling you he's using lube in sex with others. That sounds like oversharing.

Anyway, it was a slip-up. It's nothing major. Ask him to go online and buy a big pump bottle of the stuff and there won't be any further problems.
 
I'm not sure why your partner is telling you he's using lube in sex with others. That sounds like oversharing.

Anyway, it was a slip-up. It's nothing major. Ask him to go online and buy a big pump bottle of the stuff and there won't be any further problems.
They told me because I asked since it was mine. But in any other context I would agree
 
Mistakes happen.

I get not liking people using your things without asking. But a dab of lube is not your car.

Was it expensive or special? Is hinge gonna replace? Are people gonna agree to chip in for a big ol' generic one to have for back up and leave the special ones for special?

It's an opportunity to have the missed explicit conversations.

And realize that assuming things leads to problems. You assumed one way. Hinge sounds like they assumed "no big deal, like a dab of toothpaste or shampoo." Went the other way.
 
Hello Leaping lizard,

Quick and dirty, I think your next move should be to buy another bottle of lube, and this time attach a note to it that it is only to be used by the two of you together. And maybe your partner would be willing to reimburse you for that second bottle, since you wouldn't have had to buy a second bottle if they would have had a clue about the first bottle.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 
Some lube is expensive, and some people are particular about the type of lube they use...so I can see being annoyed if it was used up maybe?

But it sounds like you think the lube was an intimate thing between the two of you and you feel violated that your partner used it with your metamour.

I can see having that attitude about a sex toy...even one that's not inserted. But, seems like an overreaction for just lube.

Are you generally okay with your partner seeing your metamour?
 
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