How to approach (new) people in my life?

J

JapinaTricycle

New member
Hello all again,

If you want to skip the intro, feel free to just answer my question below...

I would like to thank everyone who has welcomed me and answered my posts so far; particularly to Al, Kevin T, and Galagirl for your time.
It seems like I found the right community here, so I'm pleased (and extremely nervous) to admit: "Yes, I am poly"

Those of you who have followed my posts so far know it's an extremely difficult realization for me. And even though I'm still new, I can already feel the burden. It's going to be such a significant one that I will be glad to have some support... so I hope I can count on this forum here to have some.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just turned poly,

Circle 1:
How do you approach the current people in your life? How do you deal with the monogamous spouse who can't believe you love her, but want to be poly?
Circle 2:
How do you find new meaningful relationships when you're poly? How do you actively look for poly people without telling everyone you meet?
Circle 3:
If you're a professionnal whose job relies on keeping a good reputation in the neighborhood to operate well... how do you handle things when people get to know you're polyamory?
 
Last edited:
1. Unfortunately, I don't have the balls to deal with telling my parents. I don't have another relationship where I'm at the meet the parents stage. My husband met and hung out with his girlfriend's mother plenty though. Depends on your family. Me and my beat friend were drunk when I told her. She told me later she rang her husband and cried. He told her to pull her head in, that it didn't affect her or our relationship. She felt the need to tell me about this. I sent her a pic of my bf when I was in a serious second relationship last year but I didn't go running to her when it was collapsing. My spouse has no problem with poly. He had a gf for about a year before de-escalating to friends.

2. I tend to meet them at local poly munches. Except last year's bf. He was an old flame. Circumstances had parted us last time so it didn't feel finished. It is now. But mostly, I'd say join Fetlife (because there's not just fetish stuff, but poly and open sexuality too).

3. Kinda depends what you want them to know. And if there are any "bring a partner" functions, in which case, figure out who is available and how everyone feels about going. A few of my coworkers last year I'd told I had both a husband and bf. No one even asked further. But you do what you need in your community. However, sooner or later your newer partner is going to want to be seen in public with you...
Hubby and I live in such a small town we agreed from the outset not to date in our local area. We'd renegotiate that if we lived in a city. But with 5000 people in this place, it's not a big ask.
 
How do you approach the current people in your life?

I just speak about my partners openly in normal conversation. If they ask further questions I answer honestly.

How do you deal with the monogamous spouse who can't believe you love her, but want to be poly?

I was honest. I told Butch that my eye was wandering and that I did not feel happy. That I loved him and was going to let him go because he did not deserve a partner eho was crushing on other men. He brought up poly as an option.

How do you find new meaningful relationships when you're poly?

Easy I get out and socialize with others with shared interests. I meet people in real life just like I did before being legally married.

How do you actively look for poly people without telling everyone you meet?

Again I just live life. Things will happen when they are meant to happen.

If you're a professionnal whose job relies on keeping a good reputation in the neighborhood to operate well... how do you handle things when people get to know you're polyamory?

I always behave ethically professionally. I actually do not share my personal life much at work. I do not hide my husbands I jusy do not feel the need to be the poster child for poly. Actually most people do not care to hear about my personal life.
 
Hi JapinaTricycle,

Have a look at this post by Al99, it gives you ideas of how to approach your spouse about poly.

How to find poly people? Here are some links that may help:

What about your work relationships? When people find out you're poly, handle it gracefully. Don't make a big deal of it, and usually they won't either. Be willing/ready to answer some questions, but also respect your own privacy.

Anyway those are my initial thoughts.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
It's fine to think ahead, but I'd say you need to sort out your own head first... Your fear of being alone, your on again off again relationship with your wife, your grudging don't ask don't tell arrangement bordering on cheating, your lack of transparency about your marital status with your so-called gf, etc. #toughlove
 
I agree with Mags. You have to get past the monogamous spouse thing before any of the rest of this matters. If you truly feel non-monogamy is the only way for you, you may have to end that relationship.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top