How to deal with a jealous partner?

mf1438

mf1438

New member
Hello y’all, I could use some help.

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I’m married and stuck in a dead bedroom. I’ve got a high libido, my wife went from low libido to no libido after menopause. After much counseling, we decided to open up the marriage but I can only engage online only in LDR. Mutual masturbation is my passion. I like to read, write and record audio erotica too. I write scripts and do role play.

I met a nice lady. She’s married too. She was also stuck in a sexless marriage and we hit it right off. She made some recording for me and one thing lead to another. We talk every day. We share vids. We became close. Here’s the kicker.

She got jealous when I connected with someone else online. Jealous is an understatement. She went ballistic. She wants a monogamous relationship with me online. I tried to commit to her exclusively, but have failed many times. I like fooling around. I like NRE and now she’s fed up with me and ready to leave.

Is this even possible? Can a married person enmeshed in an online intimate affair demand exclusivity? She threatened to fool around with someone else online and that didn’t bother me at all. I even asked her to role play the Cuckholdress, but when I didn’t get jealous she said I didn’t love her and said I was causing her heartaches.

How to deal with a jealous partner?
 
Honestly? I'd let it go as my way of dealing with it. Then I would not have to keep circling back around to this over and over.

She got jealous when I connected with someone else online. Jealous is an understatement. She went ballistic.
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Was that fun for you? The whole "going ballistic" thing? :confused:

She wants a monogamous relationship with me online. I tried to commit to her exclusively, but have failed many times.
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Then it doesn't sound like a match. Not everyone you date will be a long haul runner.

I like fooling around. I like NRE and now she’s fed up with me and ready to leave.
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Could work to become ok with it coming to the end of the road on this one, maybe.

Is this even possible? Can a married person enmeshed in an online intimate affair demand exclusivity?
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They could ask. But not DEMAND.

Rather than making agreements that don't really fit you? You could be more up front and say "No, thank you. I don't want to be doing that. I like dating lots of people online. I like NRE. I don't want to be exclusive."

She threatened to fool around with someone else online and that didn’t bother me at all. I even asked her to role play the Cuckholdress, but when I didn’t get jealous she said I didn’t love her and said I was causing her heartaches.
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Sounds like it may be best then to be ok letting this go. Not a match.

Galagirl
 
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Hello mf1438,

It sounds like you found a nice lady who was almost a perfect match for you, someone who like you was stuck in a sexless marriage, and who wanted an online romance. The only hitch was that she wanted exclusivity with you. :(

Yes, a married person enmeshed in an online intimate affair can demand exclusivity. That doesn't mean you have to capitulate to her demands. You have your preferences; she has hers. The two do not line up and match. In fact they are so far out of alignment that it is causing her pain. And it must at least be frustrating for you. The two of you can of course go on trying to make it work, but it sounds like she is likely to break up with you eventually. I'm sorry to have to say that.

If you are going to go on trying to make it work with her, I suppose your only doable option is to stop telling her that you are also contacting other women online. In fact if she asks you if you are contacting anyone else besides her, you should probably fib and say no you are not. I don't really recommend going that route (dishonesty), but I don't see how else you are going to be able to deal with her jealousy, shy of breaking up. If I can think of any other ideas, I'll let you know.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hello mf1438,

It sounds like you found a nice lady who was almost a perfect match for you, someone who like you was stuck in a sexless marriage, and who wanted an online romance. The only hitch was that she wanted exclusivity with you. :(

Yes, a married person enmeshed in an online intimate affair can demand exclusivity. That doesn't mean you have to capitulate to her demands. You have your preferences; she has hers. The two do not line up and match. In fact they are so far out of alignment that it is causing her pain. And it must at least be frustrating for you. The two of you can of course go on trying to make it work, but it sounds like she is likely to break up with you eventually. I'm sorry to have to say that.

If you are going to go on trying to make it work with her, I suppose your only doable option is to stop telling her that you are also contacting other women online. In fact if she asks you if you are contacting anyone else besides her, you should probably fib and say no you are not. I don't really recommend going that route (dishonesty), but I don't see how else you are going to be able to deal with her jealousy, shy of breaking up. If I can think of any other ideas, I'll let you know.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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Thanks. I wouldn't feel comfortable to the dishonest part, even though I ocassionally fib to my wife when she asks what I'm doing. LOL
 
Yeah, dishonesty is never an ideal way to do things. It's just hard to think of a way to approach the jealousy you're dealing with. Maybe explain to her that your love for others doesn't take away from your love for her? I'm just kind of grasping at straws here.
 
Well a person can demand anything they want, but getting it is a whole other matter. It doesn't really matter if it's a fair ask or not. It's not something you can do, so there's her answer. It's okay to say no to a request. Now the ball is in her court as to whether or not she can handle it.
 
No problem, happy to help.
 
but when I didn’t get jealous she said I didn’t love her
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Jealousy as proof of love is a really toxic attitude. This is probably a deeply held belief based on either upbringing or a traumatic experience. This kind of thing needs proper therapy to unpack and rewrite. It is not a healthy approach to adult relationships let alone poly ones.
 
This seems fairly simple to me. She wants exclusivity. You don't.

You're not a match.

This doesn't make her a bad person. It makes her someone who wants something other than what you want. Leave her alone to find someone who wants what she wants
 
Not a match?

WhatHappened said:
This seems fairly simple to me. She wants exclusivity. You don't.

You're not a match.

This doesn't make her a bad person. It makes her someone who wants something other than what you want. Leave her alone to find someone who wants what she wants
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Easier said than done. We've been together since January and have a lot invested in the relationship. We match up in many other ways, so I'm looking for ways to resolve our differences without taking the easy way out.

BTW, we're both victims of childhood trauma, but therapy is not an option. So we both pray a lot for divine intervention. :)

Thanks for your reply.
 
Sorry to hear of your childhood trauma. I am not sure if you were suggesting that as a reason to be together... If so: I don't see the connection. Unfortunately there are many people with childhood trauma, and it is possible you could meet multiple people with similar stories to yours. That doesn't indicate a compatibility in and of itself.

And breaking up is not "the easy way out". As you said yourself, it is often "easier said than done." It can be painful to end a relationship that is compatible in many ways but incompatible in fundamental ways. From your posts, it certainly sounds like you are in such a relationship currently. But that is for you (not us) to decide for yourself. Good luck.

Edited to add: January wasn't that long ago, either!
 
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