That's a lot of discussion time! Good on you! If I might ask, what is your motivation for trying poly? Adventure? Growth? After so much time discussing, what do you have left to consider? Not that I'm advising haste, I'm just curious.
My husband and think the more discussion the better. My husband has always enjoyed debates and exploring new ideas. Honestly, if I had the money and the connections, I would love to bring back
the idea of salons that used to be very popular among the rich and shameless. We have had quite a few nights and road trips that sort of mimicked that idea and this is one topic that seems to have intrigued the both of us.
To answer your questions in order:
1. what is your motivation for trying poly?
My motivation for being poly is that around 3 years ago, I came across the term somewhere on Internet Walkabout and went down a rabbit hole. This is when everything clicked. I am older and the term simply wasn't around when I was in my 20's and 30's. It explained a few periods of my life whereby I had a couple of boyfriends at one time and both knew about one another. We were all adults and cool with the situation. It was just other people flipping their biscuit over it. as per usual. Whenever someone pointed out that I "had to choose" between the two, my reply was invariably, "Why?". The "because" answer never sat well with me, and neither did "it's not right". It all sounded like sour grapes to me.
2. After so much time discussing, what do you have left to consider?
Whether or not we actually want to pull that trigger. This is an immensely complicated and convoluted way to live one's life and finding the right sort is pretty much a needle in a haystack. I mean, taking a look at the situation, it is one thing to talk about it, but finding someone that fits our family and more importantly,
taking that persons' feelings and considerations into play is of paramount importance to us.
It was bad enough wrestling with and coming to terms with that being who I am as a person. I took 6 months to just question if that
really was who I am as a person. It took another chunk of time to tell my husband. My anxiety was through the roof and I almost threw up a couple of times prior to finally screwing up my courage to tell my husband that I am, in fact, poly. I did a metric f-ton of reading, listening to podcasts, etc prior to my telling him. Thank the Maker that he is the most accommodating and understanding of husbands. I don't think I have made many good decisions, but marrying him was one of them.
I guess if this does happen, I want whats in the best interests of all involved. I know I cannot cover every last base and/or scenario, but I would like to make sure that this is what's best for all involved as much as I can. I mean, after all, I am asking my husband to allow others into our marriage and for my husband to be ok with that and other people to be ok with it. Does that make sense?